January Accomplishments

Cook the Tagliatelli in plenty of boiled salted water and stir immediately to prevent it sticking together.  In a pan gently melt gorgonzola with milk, butter and cream!  Mix together.  Sprinkle with rocket.

 It was a baker's dozen of ciabbata rolls. The French flour mix created a dough that was not as holey as batter but thinking about the instructions, it did say to beat vigorously for 5 minutes ... so maybe that was the part we skipped. I shall buy another packet whilst they are here and try again.

The border is no 150cm wide so I can't easily leap over it and of course it will take more grass cuttings!

 Long shadows! My four quartered potager is separated by grass which is a mower width. I must not grow too many potatoes as I need to observe a rotational plan. The quarter nearest the photographer will take spuds this year... I am torn between earlies and maincrop!  Unless I risk it and grow some in the opposite diagonal where none grew last year!  The plan was also to surround the potager with wood ... OR to plant box hedging plants... BUT that seems over-fussy. I was also thinking that I would like a standard rose 'monk' on the central cross!

 And this, the new hinged bath screen... but water still sprays too far over the edge of the bath!

 And onto February!

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday was full of rain and cold and drear! I lacked confidence, was full of doubt,  felt responsible for the weather, found myself apologising,  hearing myself say, 'but it's not my fault'.  I was embarrassed by the number of overwhelming tasks / jobs I need help with.  Down, down, down.
(I don't think I was nearly as mature and understanding of the elderly as they are at their age!!!!!!!!)

M. was fine as we settled to sort photos ... and negatives .. remember those? !  A jolt down memory lane to my former English home, which my last partner helped me to renovate, and..., oh my..., look at what we created, and look at what we took apart... and left... I was and am so saddened.

However, if I was still there I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have met the wonderful people I have met nor would I have had, and am having, the amazingly challenging tear-jerking or laughter-making experiences.
What has LIFE been all about when so much of MY LIFE has gone and so little is left? 
Make the most of it while I can and if I am down, down, down,  I have the choice and opportunity to change it for up, up, up.

So,  she and I sorted the photos into a set for HER and a set for HIM, because when I left HIS house, four to five years ago, to come to HER house,  I took the photos of MT house in UK, intending to divide them up!  ... and now, after ten years, I have!!!  What HE does with HIS set is not my business but he will be given them!  More importantly, quite a few of those hard-copy photos reached the rubbish bin!  My set is now in two albums. M. did an excellent job of sorting muddled photos and negatives of that 2/3rds of a Tudor former inn.

After much weeping and wailing which didn't actually last too long, she and I seemed to bond as women, and we managed to laugh through the task.  One fun thing to do was to complete an album from about 1995 (??) when my son and I went to Spain. That was after my father died!   We had backpacks but hired a car to drive from Barcelona to Orihuela and return. It was a great DRIVE... I could have gone allthe way around the edge!  Lovely again to to see my son so young in photos and to remember Elche and Rioja!

I think my down mood on such a grim wet dark day was SAVED by the greeting cards I found welcoming my daughter into the world.  Funny that her 'birth' day was the day before I re-discovered them!!!!!  Such a pleasure to see 1978 style 'BABY GIRL" cards and messages inside from some people I am not in touch with anymore!

I think F. felt frustrated by yesterday's weather, as did we all!  It was so bleak.  First of all he took my new Ikea trolley out of its box and put it together.  He called it the  'vegetable shelves'.  I liked that!   Then he was impressed by the new indoor or exterior lights I bought ages ago which needed to be connected, but I couldn't work out how to make them light up... I am impractical!  Negative destructive thoughts of  'how could I be so dumb' is what I thought!!!!  Evidently, I can buy more and make a longer string!  Ooh... I may just do that. Sod the cost!

Then he volunteered to work outdoors in the rain, to investigate what needs to be done to repair wooden gates at the barn down the lane, and to establish for himself what tools and resources I own and what are owned by my former partner.  All left in my possession.  I have full permission to use what I will!  Eventually, he repaired one screw in the main garden gate... such a little task, but it secures the keep on the latch and is extremely important.  I was so grateful.  He was so wet!!!!! Then, bless him, he wanted to de-nail the timbers in the newly re-roofed attic and was gone for a couple of hours. I must go up and see what he has done!

Throughout the day I battled with being in a gloop of depression, which was really a kind of sadness and eventually an Ibuprofen sorted it as well as some lively music.  It is lovely to have people to feed but takes my time! It is inspirational to have people stay who appreciate food.  The evening meal was delicious - two slices of lambs liver cut into small pieces in a creamy tarragon sauce with cauliflower leaves and florets, julienne carrots and Ciabbata rolls that M. made!  OK, it was a prepared flour mix but she has always let her sister do the cooking.  I made a Pear Meringue Tart and a Hazelnut Torte because egg whites needed to be used.  We were stuffed!  I am eating more than I normally would!

They wished me to play the piano so had to endure two Chopin Nocturnes plus two pieces from the film 'The Piano' composed by Michael Nyman.  The deal was that they would sing and play Friday evening but then we had a musical soirée.  She has a beautiful voice and he plays guitar well... a couple of 'The Doors' pieces. This was followed by a discussion about something I did not understand, so I showed him a video of the Stroh instruments played by a French theatrical, musical group who I know... then he showed me videos of guitar playing by Bob Brozman.

Today I got up at nine but they didn't get up until ten and started work at 10h30!!!!!! But by then the sun was shining and although they looked reluctant without adequate clothing, for the wind was keen and bitter,  they were bossed about by me.  I laughed heartily, yet severely when I told them I was bossy when necessary!!! They had to wear a hat!! "Choose one of these"... and a gilet and a coat or jacket... "Choose from these" is what I said!!!   "You can shed them as you get warmer."   They did not understand this use of the verb 'to shed'.  So they worked for an hour and I took them coffee and Epiphany cake.   Then they worked another hour and a half and I made them Red kidney bean and Red pepper soup, lemony with sage, served with ciabatta. Pear tart was to follow!

I explained to these two that in January, despite my own rules which I break,  the weather is inclement for starting much before 9 or 10 in the morning. One awaits the sun rising above the village roofs to shine on my garden!
BUT WOW... today they forked over and weeded three sections of my potager AND made the fourth quarter ...  all this in addition to work on Tuesday and Wednesday where they have finished widening the rose and lavender bed! How I love them! In addition, they moved weeds to the trailer (dechetterie trip next week) and moved logs exposed to rain when wind whipped off the bache to the space in the sheltered area where logs have disappeared since October!

POSTSCRIPT TO SUSAN's comment below:
The soil appears to be remarkably friable this year ... most of it only needed a light fork even though it was of course wet with the amount of RAIN we have endured!  Hey ho! My back has been saved and what would have taken four weeks 'potager' digging has been achieved in a few days. I did a few rows of forking over to demonstrate technique!  Last year or the year before I added a lot of 5 year old chicken manure... I also added wood ash from the woodburner, wood shavings and oak bark dust once I have sieved the oak bark.  Waste veg matter is just dug in randomly!  I don't bother to compost!

Meanwhile, whilst monitoring progress in the garden, I discovered my son's school reports plus his photographic accomplishments...so am sorting those into a chronological order and boxing up!!!!!!!!

My Italian helpers went to sleep. I took a fast walk, whereupon at apx six pm, for it is still daylight 'twixt twilight, I became aware of bird song which I have not heard for so long. Then, Blackbird trilled. When I reached ' The American Way' I returned along the road from whence I had travelled. A tawny owl hooted hhhhhhhhhooooooo.  I felt full of the joys of Spring. So happy!!!!!!

Today, the artisan came to instal a shower screen... the para-douche!  I only waited three days.   It was bought at the end of October.  Previously, I never found one that I liked. Now I've completed the action but the glass tiles I think do not have the correct grouting. Hey ho!  BUT ...How glad I am!!!!!!!!  It's another hymn I am remembering!!

Glad that I live am I;
That the sky is blue;
Glad for the country lanes,
And the fall of dew.

After the sun, the rain,
After the rain the sun;
This is the way of life,
Till the work be done.

All that we need to do,
Be we low or high,
Is to see that we grow,
Nearer to God on high.

A simple Italian feast

On a depressingly dark, cold wet Wednesday morning, I suggested the Italians sand two doors in Le Grand Salon. They cleared the dust and went to grub up the three young plum tree roots that I razed to the ground in the Autumn. Over five years I let them grow but I could not get the mower between and with no fruits they were unattractive where they were!
I had a dental appointment. One wished to purchase clothing as washing had been left in the machine at their last residence, from which they escaped unexpectedly, one night before their intended departure.  A valid story.  They had been intimidated, nay threatened!
My dentist is good but always at least one hour late! Eventually, after almost two hours, I found the two at The Loft, where I suggested we had a warming drink.  Then we proceeded to look at garden stones / gravel at Jardiland - only to dismiss the shop as ridiculously expensive.  Missing the turning to Bricomarché, we went to Lidl and Leclerc for food, as there were no fruit or vegetables dans la maison, apart from onions and potatoes. Laden and tired, we returned home.
For lunch we had the last of the garden leeks that I thought were non-edible! I made them into soup with garlic and mashed potato from the previous evening but one...plus juice from one lemon. Delicious. I also made individual shortcrust pastry tarts baked for ten minutes, then filled with a mixture of canned spinach, mashed potato, cinnamon and cream into which is cracked an egg and baked for another 15 minutes or so!
It was agreed they would cook the evening meal!  He used the factory-produced, 'fresh' Tagliatelli from Lidl and made a sauce of cream, milk, butter, olive oil, gorgonzola warmed but not boiled. Crushed walnuts and grated nutmeg were added.  Meanwhile the pasta is cooked in a pan of salted water, drained and the sauce poured over and mixed.  I wished to scatter rocket over it ... but they preferred to have the rocket and walnut oil afterwards.  Each had one glass of a Roche-Mazet Chardonnay.  Still hungry, he tucked into Goats Cheese and the 'Pain Nordique' that I discovered in Châtellerault.  Marvellous! Exactly the same bread that I discovered on the Ile de Re. I  tried to emulate it without a recipe but mine was too heavy! I will try again.

Each little bird that sings...

In Praise of my daughter's birth this day in 1978.  

May she grow ever strong 

Singing melody in song

Aloud from treetops high

In a beautiful clear sky.

Sing little bird with all your might

Fly with feathers very light

Do not carry any weight

Search the earth for sunny lands... 

This is a heritage song from my father's sister: Ivy Evelyn Shaw. It was a favourite of hers. It was a favourite of mine at my own primary school and when I taught in a Catholic school. I loved to play hymns on the piano for 120 children to sing.  My daughter was one of the throng. Hence, this song is my song for her and her daughter too.

All Things Bright and Beautiful

Ce­cil F. Al­ex­an­der

Hymns for Lit­tle Child­ren, 1848

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colours,
He made their tiny wings.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

The rich man in his castle,
The poor man at his gate,
He made them, high or lowly,
And ordered their estate.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

The purple headed mountains,
The river running by,
The sunset and the morning
That brightens up the sky.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

The cold wind in the winter,
The pleasant summer sun,
The ripe fruits in the garden,
He made them every one.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

The tall trees in the greenwood,
The meadows where we play,
The rushes by the water,
To gather every day.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful
The Lord God made them all.

He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

THANK YOU GOD FOR HER LIFE WITHIN MY LIFE x

Eccelentissimo

My Italian friends finished widening the rose and lavender border by digging and removing turf which find a new home in my garden.  I had got about half way but then weather, laziness and other jobs made it a slow process. In addition I measured and marked with string the four parts of the potager.  I shall have doubled in size what i started three years ago! It shall not become any larger! It does mean that I shall have four rotational areas. Their next task is to fork over three quarters and to dig the last quarter. However, there is an acacia trunk root and I may have to pour bleach or some other concoction over it if I or they can't grub it out! Once they have finished i shall cover all four areas with plastic before I plant in Springtime!

Best laid plans

It was an unusual event for me to sally forth to the community bar/shop.  I haven't been since October.  It was Friday night.  I needed to post a letter, so at 6pm, I went along for a hot chocolate drink.  I sat writing - planning for impending volunteers to subject themselves to Midwinter Life in a French village.  Then.. my little space of peace and privacy was shattered as English arrivals sat opposite.  Eventually I plucked courage to check if he was who I thinkhe was, because a while ago I made a horrible mistake speaking to someone else and asking him if he was a particular name and he was not!!!!!!  Very embarrassing!  This man, whom I have only ever met once or twice hadn't recognised me or signalled that he knew me!  Lo, another two arrived, and with, excuse me, loud voices, which some Brits have, (I do too sometimes!), particularly those not from the South.  This is without prejudice, as I have several friends from the North of England and wonderful people they are!  I couldn't concentrate as I had hoped for French tranquility, or at the very least French company.  I left them to their beer. They had cut into their hot, home-made corned beef pie, no chips, for their Friday night suppet.   There were also 'what looked like English crisp-type-snacks' but maybe, just maybe, they were French products!  It is a good idea to go out to a bar and have a social night out...I am not knocking that... It was just that I didn't expect to be so disturbed! 
In France if the bar does not sell food one can eat other food.  For example, go the Boulangerie and buy a croissant and then to the bar for the coffee. Increasingly there are some Boulangeries that serve coffee/tea. Increasingly there are bars that serve croissants. So always best to politely check with the proprietor and if you've scanned what other clients are doing and are uncertain!

Suddenly, I have more things to do in order to tick off winter garden tasks.  Helpers are arriving! I have no energy as it is so cold and wet... I don't cope with this level and type of humidity!

Simple Purl to start with

I found the knitting needles and crochet hooks some time ago. Now,  I have really started .... hm... a few errors as the needle splits the wool...it was unraveled but getting the loops back onto the needle was tricky!!!  I discovered the skein / ball of 100% wool has weak places where one ply has broken!!! How annoying. I suppose this is why it was once in a sale at a famous French clothing shop!  I am hoping it will be 'a square'! Just purl. The idea is to make other 'squares' with a different stitch / pattern.. for a challenge and hands to be busy!
Watching The Fall in short sections, whilst knitting prevents nail biting whilst drinking a glass or two... but I need bi-focals.  I really don't like them, so am peering atop the reading / knitting spectacles!
There exists the phenomena of 'knitting finger' where the left-hand forefinger pushes the needle back, after the yarn has wrapped and looped through the stitch on the L.H. needle.  Hmmm ...need to tape my finger.  I know one can purchase finger protectors!

Cat and Mouse

Big Feet likes to play with her Christmas gift.. a pink, felt mouse!

Isère, France

A drive to Tours, a deviation, a cage in a field, a photo, a posting, plus correspondence has brought me to a second comment about that Cage - a recent posting.
One friend from the blogging world made a comment to confirm my thinking.
Another friend, who has no blog, sent me a link to a photo which I am not permitted to reproduce. Look at how maize is/was stored in the South of France.
http://samisarkis.photoshelter.com/image/I0000XTHV6J0I3Ho
I love the stark colours in the photograph.

Then I started to research the 'departement' and river named Isère. You too can do that. 
 It is a Gallo-Romain 'departement' , part of the Rhone-Alpes region and I have probably driven through in severe snowy weather to Haut-Savoie.  It is one of the original 83 departements organised during the French Revolution, but over the years has been reduced in size. 
Please note that France is on another re-organisation which many people are unhappy about.  It seems nonsensical to amalgamate and change regions all in the name of progress.  
I so much wish to travel all over France... nay... all over Europe!

Poetry: The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

'I love driving in open country... was making my way back onto the route from which I had accidentally deviated...which reminds me of the story of my life!'

... and THAT deviation reminds me of a favourite poem:
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 

And sorry I could not travel both 

And be one traveler, long I stood 

And looked down one as far as I could 

To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair, 

And having perhaps the better claim, 

Because it was grassy and wanted wear; 

Though as for that the passing there 

 Had worn them really about the same, 

And both that morning equally lay 

In leaves no step had trodden black. 

Oh, I kept the first for another day! 

Yet knowing how way leads on to way, 

 I doubted if I should ever come back. 

I shall be telling this with a sigh 

Somewhere ages and ages hence: 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -

I took the one less traveled by, 

And that has made all the difference.

Ah, I sigh...wondering at my age, about roads that I chose not, for reasons I know not, or, because I didn't know they were camouflaged under brambles! I often took the easier route, yet have thought: "Why does life have to be so complicated?"

    The Road Taken: At times, remorse. At times, joy. I have arrived at this place in my life, in my time, and have much to be grateful for. I am thankful to so many others who have influenced my arrival, even when I thought I had experienced poor choices and interludes. Occasionally, it is true, I have unwittingly waved the "woe is me" flag for attention, knowing it was wrong to blame or criticise anyone for bringing me to this point.  Indeed, I praise them.  I had to learn to take responsibility. Oh the path is winding!

    The poet doesn't necessarily say that the choice of path one takes in LIFE is more full, or less full, of crises, decisions, choices, chance... it's just that, we do not know before we make the choice that eventually we might look back at our lives to think differently, or at the very least, wonder what would have happened if x or y or z.   The poet predicts that in the future we might re-arrange the story of our lives to suit our purpose but, in truth, cannot get away onto any other path, for honesty must prevail!
    I remember a friend telling me, when I was dithering about whether to buy a property or not and where...,  "it doesn't matter what the choice/decision is, it matters that you DO make a choice/decision and after that, if you think it was wrong, you can change it, you can make another choice of decision!" Wise words indeed! Who wants to be lost in the woods all day, like Little Red Riding Hood?  There are so many different paths in the yellow woods! The poet is telling us that there is no right path and that it is wasteful of precious life-time making a decision... Hey, I am just appreciating this viewpoint.  I wonder if the poet ever had a kitchen conundrum to solve!?

Cage

I have been here before!  I think these might be ancient maize storage cages during the harvesting process or as storage for cattle fodder.., no doubt someone will inform my enquiry!!
Difficult to see in the pic but wooden stakes mark the ditch so that farm vehicles do not 'plough on' into the dyke! These were in the opposite direction to the rusty cages.  I love driving in open country... was making my way back onto the route from which I had accidentally deviated...
which reminds me of the story of my life! 

Tulips and Hyacinths

I love to watch and wait for tulips to dance in their vase. The hyacinth bulbs have struggled and are uneven in strength... so the race is on for the three to flower!  Below is my brand new artisan made glass protection plate - a Christmas gift from my dearest cousin... an incentive to get my kitchen replaced / revamped at as little cost as possible, as quickly as possible,  but to my satisfaction!

Spanish memories, French delights

The rhythm of the Gypsy Kings rings in the air whilst my innate passion, (probable Spanish ancestral roots),  is transported to memories of Barcelona, Tarragona, Parc Naturel del Delta de' L'Ebre, Peniscola, Valencia,  Guadeleste, Denia, Moraira, Altea, Alicante,  Elche, Orihuela, Torrevieja, Marbella, Estepona, Granada, Jaca, Zaragoza....ah.....  I can feel it in my bones!!!!!!!!!

One roasted Herefordshire beef .. topside cut... succulent and delicious....
Another cooked potatoes... peel, boil, cut, sauté, roast with black pepper and olive oil... a few minutes each in that order...
Another sliced thinly white cabbage, leeks and garlic, to sweat in a pan with a little white wine (water or cream)  on top of the hob.
I mixed a batter and took my two carefully wrapped specialist pans to cook a pile of pancakes for 13 hungry mouths.
There was a delicious Burgundian white to commence ... it was a DOMAINE JOUARD - Chassagne Montrachet  - Clos de la Truffiere - a taste I had not ever experienced but at the price it was DELECTABLE!!!!!!!!!......ASTOUNDING!!!!!!!!!
 then a red, driven up from the Languedoc ( see this link ) .... Oh my oh my!!!!!!!!!!

After a walk we had Cremant de Loire with apx two pancakes each with lemon, honey, sugar, followed by coffee and Cognac chocolate!

What a lovely Sunday afternoon it was ... and after helping my friends clear the tables I came home to remind myself how good LIFE can be, and left them to family bedtime!

Hope

Pretty white bells nod sheepishly
as they raise their heads in January
blooming amidst ground ivy
glistening gems of purity.
Sheltered in the grassy glade
pointing leafy sword-like blades
treasures on a dry stone wall
full of Heavenly Hope.
Snow has not yet fallen
when flowery drops appear
promising nature's glory
for the coming future year.

Solidarity

Although I was unable to go to Paris, London or elsewhere, nevertheless, I have not been without sentiment or thoughts for those who suffered, died and who live.  I hold no weapons but shall promote and support the written word for expression and imagery.  Everyone should be able to express opinion even though this may sit uncomfortably with others.  It is the nature of human beings.  The news has made me more aware of different viewpoints.  I don't always understand cartoons or jokes but realize they are powerful tools to deliver a message without many words.
The dream is that all peoples should be kind to each other, respect opinion, belief, faith, diversity, difference and sameness. We are all from the same mould, sharing fundamental basic instincts. Deep, deep within, we need to give and receive love, to be cherished and cared for, to return the same.  It is why people seek others with whom to live. Those who hurt, maim, or kill, I do not understand them.  Perhaps emotional experiences have been very poor. I know not! I cannot judge.
My dream is that people may live alongside each other as well as live PEACEFULLY together in whichever country they visit or live, whatever their nationality or faith.
I really believe that whenever anyone has wronged us,  hurt us, damaged us, even in our own perception, then we need to learn to forgive others before fighting escalates. It takes patience, tolerance, energy and time to understand ourselves and others.
I believe that JUSTICE will PREVAIL!  What goes around will come around!
The press today, Monday 12 January 2015, made additional comment on the history of a country in which I have chosen to live. They have also provided further information about the tragedy. Some have also highlighted how other tragedies in the world have been unreported or little reported in the media. 

Freedom for Peace

In the name of Peace
I pray that all peoples live without aggression causing harm, injury and death.

Liberty, Peace, Freedom

I used to own a white poppy which I would wear now in place of the black pencil.

I am writing for the truth of me as it exists at this moment... 

I do publish thoughts after much consideration yet, I exercise the right to formulate and change my writings about my beliefs if at any point I am persuaded differently.  
I exercise the right to amend, alter, edit, erase or withdraw this posting at any time in the future.
My thoughts are of yesterday and today.  My thoughts are with those who suffer. 

It is unknown for me to express my beliefs to anyone, least of all myself, and especially not publicly.  I have normally been too scared to have beliefs. It would label me!  However,I have learned in the last few years to begin to believe in SELF and that the values I ahve are worthy. I LOVE FRANCE.  I LOVE France because every where one goes or asks quelque-choses the French person has the time and the honour....

I also wish to state that this isn't my first or only blog/website but it is where I try to live in My Reality.   I am not afraid to come forward but I do like my privacy.

I strongly believe that every one should be KIND... and more than KIND... to LOVE... UNDERSTAND and FORGIVE... 

I believe in the freedom of expression without physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, intellectual abuse, without intimidation, without violence, without cruelty, without destruction, without murder, irregardless of belief in faith, religion, political stance, without discrimination against others, without negativity in any form. 

I condemn all cruelty, criminal activity, violence. I also believe that justice will come to those who are injust. What goes around will come around... or whatever the expression is.....

The world is full of terrible tragedies... people being taken against their will, transported to HOPE and away from violence only to be thrown into other chaos.  My heart is full of pain! Anguish!

People should be entitled to their beliefs and let live in Peace and Harmony alongside each other despite creed, colour, name, beliefs, disabilities, etc.

IT IS WRONG TO HURT OTHERS.
I am not perfect therefore I cannot preach. Mea culpa! 

I wanted to use  and WANT to use, but am reluctant to use the phrase supporting CH because I believe that Islamists, Catholics, Protestants, other religions or atheists or agnostics all have a right to support and express their beliefs providing that they are not trying to convert or intimidate others.  There was a Muslim killed in yesterday's murder in Paris.  None of those people should have been murdered.  The people who did this are running for their lives. 
What justice / injustice is it?  None. 
In my opinion it serves no end towards Peace between Nations and Peoples. 
YET... I HOPE that the murderers are caught soon. 

I don't like to use phrases that join me to a crowd.  That is because of my own internal dilemmas.
However, I have marched on rallies in the past and silently marched and also railed against that which has annoyed me. 
In LIFE, it is a FACT that I have had to come to terms with: 
PEOPLE get annoyed and get HURT by others .... and ...  annoy and hurt others. 

Probably, every human being, if offended or hurt  will attempt to explain themselves and even defend their thoughts and beliefs... that is freedom of expression.

HOWEVER,

I believe that everyone has the right to express their thoughts and emotions, to express beliefs without fear of violence providing that they do it without anger, without intimidation, without punishing others, without cruelty in any form.

I pray to God, any God, a God, all Gods, that Peace remains in the lands where I live and prevails in all places on this planet.

I believe that no one has the right to judge others against our own beliefs or thoughts as we try to work out what our beliefs are.....although I have judged and sometimes do. That causes me and has caused me much shame in the past and it is something I try hard not to think. If I do find myself making a judgement then I try very hard, I think, to question it and try to change it... I am not being righteous or holier than anyone... I am trying to be a better person at my age with my precious levels of innocence and naivety about the world and its peoples.

I believe that a person has the right to believe and follow a religious faith without judgement from other religious faiths or beliefs including being an agnostic or atheist and without giving judgement to others who may follow a different set of beliefs.
I believe that a person has the right to have political viewpoints which I may or may not agree with.

I believe that humans should not criticise, blame, denigrate those who they think do not believe in what they do... or who do not follow their path.  People who do that, perhaps think they are  better than, more perfect than the one they are criticising, or is it that they see themselves in that person!

I follow a belief that there are many religions and faiths where parts are plausible and no one should be persecuted for their beliefs.

I am not against Catholicism, though some Catholic managers treated me exceptionally badly, and in an un Christian manner, I have known since of C of E and Catholics being rude and unwelcoming in their own church and of course others who are very embracing. I once had a lovely friend who became a Muslim and he married and she became one too... Lovely, lovely people.  I once had a Jewish friend.  I have known Methodists and Baptists.  I also at one time in my life met a lot of Indians and they were wonderful. Music enjoined us.  I have known atheists and agnostics..

It doesn't matter what colour outside and inside we are ... it matters what kind of person we are...

Whoever has the power to injure or kill in my opinion is a mentally mad maniac and if that person has caused injury or death then they should be questioned/trialled.  I cannot begin to think what could/should/would happen to them.
I don't like to take the precious gift of life for a life but in some cases perhaps it is Just.

We do not need WAR OF RELIGION... we do not need WAR of any kind.

I cannot condone nor criticise the journalism but a message from the editor did seem rather taunting... and seemed to invite the Law of Attraction... that what we wish for can sometimes come true... although of course  in his case he did not wish what happened to come true.  I am deeply saddened for all those who have been injured, including the loved ones of the deceased and injured.

I know that cartoons have been created about Gods and Angels and Devils etc but it is wrong to provoke, to goad.

I know that and I have been guilty of goading in a minor way and it was terribly destructive. In my case it was done when one feels helpless or very injured inside.

If there is freedom of expression for one nation / one person then surely we have to accept that for all nations / all peoples / any person ... ???? ..... 

I don't like anger. I lived with a sometimes violent father and who was mostly as meek as a lamb.

I shy away from debate because I have never been able to in a face to face discussion express personal opinions or thoughts ... or even to have them when I am trying to listen to someone else and at the same time form an opinion about things I have no foundation or experience of.   I have not been able to debate. It is better if I can reflect.. and the internet helps me... I can read one set of values and another.  I only know what I have heard or read on the internet... and try to search for different viewpoints and not just National Press.

Lives have been ended... and I am deeply saddened that people want to kill others....
I don't necessarily agree with cartoonists or expressions of thought by journalists all the time as much as I don't always agree with myself all the time!

I live for Liberty, Equality, Fraternity.  (although I don't think that all is possible) BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO STRIVE for a better world.
In England, France or wherever,  there are peoples of different nationalities and faiths... we don't have to agree with them. As long as they don't hurt each other in any way at all, then we can live in Peace and Harmony.    I dream.   I worry. 

Last night some people wore labels ... and the phrase was screened at the start and end of the Mayoral Reception.  Solidarity?  The people involved in Paris have all played a part innocently or with provocation or deliberate action. I am so saddened

These thoughts are jumbled... I keep wondering if I should withdraw them from the public domain...
.... now... I need to attend my own business for I cannot change other people and the world.
It requires more than effort to change myself!

Hibernation - a selfie diary entry

Yesterday, I buried my SELF in my home, not house.
Yesterday, I started writing this post, then deviated to two previous postings where there hadn't been any, such is the power of personal editorial!  Readers will access this on 8th January!

A day or so ago I finished listening to the three hour radio programme about E.J. Howard who died this time last year.  I lived in her street.  I wrote about that here.  She said that she kept the discipline of writing for three hours a day after she could no longer write for longer periods.  She had a sharp mind. I wish I had known her. I like her style of writing.  She said it was demanding to write as work. Writing is a form of self-indulgence. I sometimes spend more than three hours a day writing here or elsewhere. Sometimes no writing at all.

(This script is a bit tongue-in-cheek as I notice that my current natural circadian rhythm seems to be sleep for 12 hours. I am also experimenting, I suppose, with writing style that might pour forth!)

Today, Wednesday 7th January, I have been an absolute sloth...lazily dreaming, mooning, regretting, wondering, writing.   As human sloths do, you know!  What do sloths do whilst they hang about?  Interestingly, they descend extremely slowly to evacuate cleanly, then return to their tidy roost!
Or, maybe I have been an absolute hedgehog...hopefully not covered in moss or algae like a sloth, or too prickly.  Maybe irritating unto myself, as curled up inside my spirit, I emerge slowly to forage for food, warmth, company and an indulgence in writing,  avoiding jobs that must be done. It is procrastination of which I am not proud!
Must think of more reasons to hibernate if I wish to. 
It is creativity and freedom to practise written self-expression,
 (added postscript) moreover it is important because of the terrible incident of today in France.
Winter.
Hibernation.
January.
Dark days, despite that days are supposed to be lighter, little by little, before and at the end of nightfall. My house is shuttered up, quite deliberately against weather and world.  Have I become a recluse, a cave dweller, a hermit?  Temporarily, for I long for daffodils.  I love tulips that dance in vases.
I am able to be like a hedgehog in hibernation because there isn't anyone else here to tell me what to do, or, invite me to do what they want me to do, or, encourage me to do what I want to do or even what I MUST get done,  or to treat me with kindness or to parent me or to care and ask me if I would like this or that.  Though I know there are many of those that I know who DO care.  I love them for it, each and every one who shows they care for me in the most infinitesimal of ways.  It makes  / They make me feel so grateful to be alive.  This, this person who lived in the public eye for so many years in her English town, with such a high public reputation to maintain and adhere to.  Where did that come from. How did she aspire to such a pedestal?  She could have no private life but tried! Always under scrutiny!

Of course, when the mind starts to make the body active again, which it will do, it will berate me, as perhaps will others, who might say such things as:

"Get on with it"
"Snap out of it"
"Grow up"
"Take responsibility"
"Get a grip"
"Only you can do it"

and such phrases, to cite a few!!!!!

Today has been like one of those rare Sunday mornings of yesteryear, when in the midst of that life career path....

"A what?"
"That time when I had to work to provide a shelter and much more for my children and to pay for the pension and AVC pot, which I might just be able to access this year"
"oohhhh.... that would be nice!"
"Yes... whoopppeee... if they let me!!"
"Careful now... excitement is not good for hedgehogs or sloths..."

To continue what I was attempting to write about:

.. yes, a life career path, in the days when one didn't have computers with world news. When one got oneself out of bed or the other one did. He was more keen to saunter down to the newsagents' shop and buy Sunday newspapers, which would then be spread about the bed and floor whilst one drank tea or coffee.. or coffee and tea, ate marmalade and toast, later chocolates combined with red wine in the way of late afternoon lunch or early afternoon dinner and then there was a cooked supper when one arose! One had stayed in bed for most of the day... I only ever did it maybe two or three times a year! Boy! Girl! ... was THAT a LUXURY in heaven!   I remember HIM!

It is almost two in the afternoon as I write but not as I post, for time passes, and I have to confess that apart from bodily concerns, I did not wish to get out of bed today.  When I did, I didn't wish to eat, but did eat to get warm.  Muesli, with pineapple juice and coconut milk, which I have discovered can be bought at a local supermarket. Very impressed. They are selling Almond milk too.
Since arising, hugging my hot water bottle and wearing a fleece jacket and proper day clothes, I have had a small cafétière of coffee and three escargot chocolates, because I can! ... and now ... after much interruption from the woman inside me, it is four o'clock! 

To answer 'Tim' about temperatures, a few posting days ago.

I have already done that.. sometimes slept on the sofa in front of the fire, having grabbed a duvet from the next door bedroom... all on one level here... or taken a morning or afternoon nap on said same sofa whilst 'Listening again' to Radio 4 in particular... or Classical music... anything to soothe the soul.  Have been ploughing through audio 'War and Peace' from Radio 4 New Year's Day.  There is also a 'ready to sleep in single bed' in Le Grand Salon where I have often spent a night.  It is quite comfortable but not as comfy as mine own bed.  It's nice to sleep in either of those places because one can watch the flaming or dying woodburner (depends on if I add another log, as rarely do I bank it sufficiently to have any embers by the morning.  I have discovered that it doesn't stay in ... never has... unlike the woodburner at my previous lodgings).   One can watch the fire flickering and then the light dancing around a darkened room playing shadows on ceilings and walls and in the mind.. fluttering memories of camp fire or domestic open coal fire ... nostalgic reminiscences from way back to the late 1970s but oh...oh... oh... a distant reminder of Times when one never thought about ageing because Love was most certainly in the air!

WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
WHY AM I HERE?
WHAT IS NEXT?
IS IT A LEVEL OF MADNESS FROM LIVING ALONE?
There is no need to answer these questions!
It will all become clear and later this evening I have PLAN B... it has arrived but I don't know how to engineer it...
and a different plan has been suggested by a friend .. and several friends before...

"Have another cup of tea dear! It is 5 o'clock."
CAT has a disparaging look!

Really proud!

 

One posting leads to another!
I'm sure I am wearing those same boots about 16 years ago.

I LOVE THIS PHOTO!

I am clutching a stick used as an arm extension and support and in the other hand probably a sprig of thyme for the cooking pot as we were camping! 

I think even that stone had been used to carry my weight!

I still own the clothing, the top has faded and the shorts are a bit tight!

I had just climbed up and crawled down a dead volcanic 'mountain' in the Auvergne region. 

It had been a major achievement whilst I was recuperating from fibromyalgia. 

My dear friend had patiently re-trained me, as he said he would, to walk again.  I owe him much!  

I know this is a favourite pic of his... and I know he covets it... 

In June 2011 ( ah.. a first anniversary gift of our separation whish I did not wish for)
he sent me a copy which he had taken with his Nickon digital camera.
I don't know why he send it. Maybe it reminded him, like me, of fond times.
I am sure I had a framed version of this but I didn't find it when I sorted photos in the Autumn!
I know I have the original print which was taken with my Canon analogue camera bought so that I could take it to Sri Lanka, the only long distance haul I have ever made. 

It was point and shoot and I bought long lenses for it. I still have it and wondered about taking it out from the attic and re-mastering it! Film of course! 

I am becoming wistful that I would like to travel. I thought I didn't wish to go to S.E. Asia but now I have seen photos of Luang Prabang and the Mekon River I must say that I am slightly jealous of my former partner travelling on a boot string currently in Laos!