Wednesday progress

Woke up, got out of bed, had a shower to cure an aching head!
Workawayer ii stripped more ivy off stone wall - it isn't a priority but somehow it became a task to make my other land neat and tidy!  Two feminine creatures assisted W ii by pruning shrubs so that the wall could be accessed. We hauled debris to trailer, car and bonfire pile... and had to concede that   the dechetterie visit involving at least an hour of time was necessary!  More clearance, coffee, chat and then W ii started priming underneath of rough wooden treads and risers of staircase,  whilst we sorted 'someone's books' that I foolishly offered to sort into boxes for English charity shop. Authors will be bundled and I hope to try and sell at book fair on 15th August and if not, the.  goodness where! Some might sell on ebay. Some I keep to read, then dispose of or will display on a book case when I get one!   It has been suggested that i dig a hole in the ground and bury the lot!  I suppose that fate will come to us all!
I have 'a business area' developing in the attic... oh my, it is going to take hours until I change Plan A to Plan B etcetera!  I made progress and could make use of more Workawayers but also it is an i position on daily life and my own expectations.
A friend came to visit briefly. I couldn't stop for long! Lunch was pasta, ratatouille and emmenthal cheese.., then we shopped altogether between time for ourselves.  Evening meal was mackerel fillets, three time sautéed chippies and a green salad, my bread, crottin de chevre and raspberry jam. An American invention! followed by leftovers of Apricot cheesecake! I was too full to eat the last!   A walk was necessary before Scrabble, out of the town, down lanes and into la Place!
Work was a bit lax for us ladies but we need to step up Thursday and Friday! I need to achieve ICT knowledge ... and mow those lawns! Weeds are growing too fast!

Tuesday almost midnight

I absolutely love the smell and action of ironing tea towels which was my first task before the two emerged!
We moved very long, nailed and twisted roof rafters to the newly created shed space. They seriously remarked that I require a Workawayer with a chainsaw, laughingily commenting that best not to advertise for such!  They offered to finish painting the bed which was cluttering the room since Friday when rain ruined paintwork. A little sanding was required and after it was dry, wrapped it in a blue plastic bache and returned it to the attic with stuff left whilst the former partner resides in Asia!
Number ii removed more 'grimpant' ivy from the stone wall. It is surprising how thick the stems are and how they have wriggled through the 60 cm wall.
Number iii helped to sort sheet piano, recorder, accordion and school music and music text books! OMG!!! I reduced the KEEP pile to less than half. Ten years of tears ago I could NOT do that, so it is an achievement. Now there are boxes of music designated to sell, to dispose of and a flow plan telling me the stages and choices of what to do!  The boxes to keep MUST reach a book case...(have got to buy one) to fulfil my self promise to re-learn sounds I love in dark winter months.  There were two boxes unopened since ten years of those tears ago; recorder part music and school music archives. I was proud of my achievements then! Have got to seek advice from English Colleges of Music as to who may be interested in the former... maybe the Society of Recorder Players.  Looking at it all, not hidden under blue baches caused an anxiety and panic attack... It's a process! A friend tells me she has many friends of our age all doing the same. Karma! It's about Memories of our former lives!
Feeling overwhelmed by work... feeling tired after excitement, joy and shared fun company. Thank goodness I shall have just a few days before family arrive.
Famished today! Lunch was three omelettes filled with Emmenthal cheese. We ate it with beetroot, lettuce, walnuts, followed by apricot shortcake and tea. The quality not the quantity was praised!  Evidently, one workawayer HOST served ONE omelette the same size as mine to three people! Workawayer ii was hungry that week!
We each slept for two hours. I knew I was on the edge ...yet, somehow a shower/bath is so, so, so good for my psycheeeeeee!  Then  a bike ride on a favourite circuit... we walked into a field of sunflowers though not as tall as Workawayer number ii...

The breeze was fresh.  Clouds were moody. I remembered how I love cycling in such weather!
It had to be an alcohol free day... Elderflower cordial in wine glasses tricks my mind!  Dug potatoes created a Tartiflette without lardons but with true Reblochon cheese served with Tim's strangely shaped zucchini with cubed lamb sautéed in honey and cream! Second  helpings finished the dishes.
I can't sleep - worried about 'how to do' the attic,. Maybe I shall just help in the garden to begin with.
There are lawns to mow and weeds to dismiss! Work is the key to living!

The Fibonacci spiral

Monday afternoon

A little space to myself as Workawayer ii, who it seemed did not like walking, has suddenly come alive, and he and the pretty Girl from Ohio have gone for a walk together. I am not sure if she planned to go alone! However, they are both extremely pleasant and hard working!  There are quite a few jocular statements about me being a hard taskmaster, about the teacher in me and how I don't like to waste anything but find a use for it if I can! I used to take the first two statements as criticisms from people but now I laugh it off and this morning I have joked back! ... I am who I am and isn't that wonderful? ... for the first and longest period in my life (about a year) I have really been loving myself!
The dynamics have changed and we are having such fun. I couldn't get to sleep last night because of Workawayer ii keeping lights on until after midnight but I had to get up especially when I discovered the bright light was the fridge door open and Workawayer ii making a comment about a fly in the fridge! I expect he was getting iced water.  He doesn't raid the larder! They are such trustworthy people!
Saturday I was really wound up, nervous and well behind in prepping living areas. It was a two hour return journey so I decided to enter the centre of Poitiers because it was SO HOT and I was too ratched up! I needed to eat a sandwich and instead ate a strange cheap meal.  Later, Wii and I had a terrible shopping experience in a new VAST Leclerc superhypermarche which had the smallest of fruit and veg sections I have ever seen! I was so glad to be home to a cup of Earl Grey tea!

Today, we were supposed to head off into my attic (!!!!!) to sort sheet music.... but I needed to get started things finished... both Workawayers cleaned windows whilst I cleaned the Oval Room and Kitchen.  Wii sawed wood into two correct lengths to replace missing mattress supports, then painted undercoat.  After that he was sent to find woodworm killer and apply, as I discovered some under the staircase treads and in the cupboard beneath that, which the previous occupant used as cold store for wine! My very own 'cave'! Workawyer iii unexpectedly weeded my courtyard, deheaded pot plants and transplanted the almost spent 'pinks'.  It all looks so neat and respectable in my courtyard! I like initiative!
We had a lunch of quiche, sprouted mung beans (neither had tasted those before and one did not like them), lentils, olives, homemade bread and goats cheese, apples, water and tea... oh yes...and bread and raspberry jam.

Tomorrow the attic and remove the ivy from a stone wall!
This pm I poached the rest of the apricots and made an apricot shortcake and bread!
Now there is the top coat for the bed to paint, clear my living room and move paint on a temporary basis so that we can get on with more sorting. I only have four or five days of 10 hours work to make the best of!
It was initially a shock to me. I have worked alongside all my Workawayers and number ii was surprised!  It has been motivating, energising, demanding of my energy, reminded me of proactive planning and reactive planning, been great to have company and someone to share meals with, and occasionally to have someone to cook for me! I have not lived with anyone other than my children, a husband/partner, or when guests arrive for a few days, since 40 years ago when I lived with my husband and his business partner in three different houses (Surbiton and two villages in Suffolk) ...and no, before you think wild things, we were husband, wife and just a very best platonic friend! It was kind of student style but AJH paid us rent!
I have been on an enormous learning curve, having to emerge like a butterfly from a hermit crab lifestyle.
After my fears and trepidations which were immense, I am absolutely loving it!  I love nice people, young people who are willing to learn.  I hope that this week we can learn from each other.  I hope we can share cooking, get some activity, and learn about each other a little more... as well as achieve and finish tasks!
We enjoyed the brocante yesterday but it was too hot to be wandering. I bought a wooden heart shaped box as a future gift for someone!  They made very complimentary remarks about the party that we were invited to that afternoon / evening.  It was an excellent 'do' where food didn't stop arriving and the music was excellent. The international company was interesting and intriguing and celebrated the notional idea that a Granary was 800 years old!  It was good to be amongst acquaintances and new people with my Workawayers.  Thank you to S&S.

Accomplished on Friday

The shutters are painted...
plus one of my children's old pine bunk beds, which separated and made two single beds... out with the old and in with the new! Now they are Skimming Stone white to match the skirting boards.  I've had them for about 35 years!
One may still continue to belong to my former partner who is out in Asia doing Workawayer and having it seems some unpleasant experiences as well as good ones!   I left him some of my furniture but now he has sold his house and it has all been returned to me for storage If he ever returns to collect or dispose!
Ivy from the stone wall and other rubbish was taken to the dechetterie!
Workawayer ii cooked Tortilla.
The rain came again!
Photos are to come!
Must dash as Workawayer iii arrives today, Saturday!
Private space will be non-existent for ten days!

Accomplished on Thursday

Finished primer/undercoat.
All bar one set of shutters have one coat of topcoat so haven't quite achieved target as 'le chaleur' stopped painting!
Scraped, filled, sanded, primed and repainted bubbled paint on interior of small room.
Cleaned windows therein and damp-wiped floor and all paintwork!
It is the cleanest room in the house! Ready for Workawayer ii to return!
Prepped lunch.
Baked bread; the dough was started day before and kept in cool room to halt rising!
Wrote emails.
Looked at blogs.
Rested in afternoon shade waiting to do a other few hours work!
Whilst the grass was cut by my assistant, I cleared ivy from some of stone wall and the side of my stable/garage but there is more to do!
Took aperos and prepared evening meal!

Accomplished on Wednesday

Work started on sanding shutters and doors which were last worked at by my own fair hands within a few weeks of owning this property. Why? Because they were either white or brown. Can't remember without consulting photographs.  I consulted my son by telephone, as we seem to be getting on much better. He said that if bare wood was showing after sanding, then to prime with undercoat because top coat would key better! So all 7 shutters and doors were sanded and half were coated with B.I.N. primer which does not need sanding! Whoopppeee!  With Workawayer ii, we hope to finish at least one top coat on all 7 on Thursday.
The small room window overlooking the road, though hidden behind shutters, revealed that it had never had a top coat on it...(out of sight, out of mind!)  but it had been sanded.... so a quick damp clean of all the cobwebs and dust, then a light sand.  I managed to get two top coats painted. In all 10 hour man hours of labour,  plus I did an hour at lunch time finding paint, preparing paintbrushes, putting cardboard on ground. The window had to be left open all night with shutters closed because I didn't want the draught insulation tape to peel off, nor the window to stick to the frame. Workawayer ii had to move bedroom, which was a good thing anyway as it needs a clean. Despite what I said about keeping windows and doors closed, or open with shutters closed, to keep his room cool, a plague of flies infested his room! Indeed, today there is an untold plague of flies, unseen in the four years I have lived here, so burning citronella candles and have placed squashed garlic on a saucer in rooms!
In addition, I walked long strides first thing in the morning to stretch the leg muscles, swept the courtyard, watered the potager, washed the linen, did the ironing, prepared fish pie with sautéed potatoes newly dug from my garden, served with steamed broccoli and a nice Burgundian Chardonnay................
All praises sung to Workawayers!
However, although I am a hard taskmaster, I am a good host, so do expect a little extra on the domestic side without having to ask and I was trained to say: "Is there anything I can do to help?" or just pitch in and help!  I am trying to educate but perhaps he thinks it is I with the problem! Hey ho!

Accomplished on Tuesday

1. Clearing up house and admin. Prepping for day out.
2. Checking mower...doesn't yet need expensive service as previously thought when blue smoke was seen belching out of motor...patch of oil on garage floor.  I am aware there has been a slight leak for some time... checked oil at correct level, checked petrol, did two strips, all ok! Saved 100 euros.
3. Maire's signature obtained to verify 'je suis vivant' pour le pension!!!!!!!!
4. Workawayer ii chopped and sawed last of designated pile so I can walk through to stored kindling. In the next few days, might try to move larger wet beams to 'under shelter', to dry out for hopefully other volunteer Workawayers, rather than me, to saw into sections for my woodburner.
5. Workawayer ii collected broken bottle where lawnmower had evidently hit it when I had mown neighbours ground, which I have a right of access over.  It would be one metre high otherwise! Incredibly elderly neighbours pay for the land to be strimmed but never use it.  It can only be used as a potager! It has just been strimmed!
6. Took Workawayer ii to town for haircut and to buy basic phone. One hour journey.
Wii is very interested in computer technology which causes life to drift but he creates music and is very likeable... a young man, self-centric. 
7. Whilst in town, I had a dental appointment (main reason for journey). When I realised that the trainee assistant was left to detartrage / descale my teeth...I thought eeeekkk.... even though she took longer, it was much more calm, gentle and efficient, apart from the shower over my face and the fact that I was left to hold the water extractor and tissues to sop up water running down my neck!  BUT, despite the negative, "Yes please" to her!!!!!!!!!! and only 28 euros!
8. Before all that, a kine session, this time concentrating on the underside of my big toe which after the bunion op has been sore since January...
9. Later, did shopping at Auchan, (not Ocean, which a child in my class used to say) ... bought petrol, a quiche, an almond croissant, and withdrew cash from the bank which I thought I would never get when their printer went wrong... but ohlay and oohla... I have my money!
10. Picked up workawayer ii to speed up autoroute for workawayer's first ever IKEA experience and he loved it!  After I stopped for tea at 5pm, I bought more plastic boxes because the stuff in my attic will be reorganized...
11. and then HOME Jeeves, via cross-country route to a Moroccan lamb tagine, couscous and a fine Gaillac red wine, fine enough for my limited budget.
What a lucky Workawayer he is!
I am a lucky Host too!

Cats sleep anywhere

Big Feet the cat has taken a variety of new places to sleep in the shade or in the sunshine!
Cats sleep anywhere! They are remarkably perceptive! They change their habits on a whim and according to the weather.  She manages to 'move on', to cope with the first stages of arthritis.

Cats sleep anywhere, any table, any chair.
Top of piano, window-ledge, in the middle, on the edge.
Open draw, empty shoe, anybody's lap will do.
Fitted in a cardboard box, in the cupboard with your frocks.
Anywhere! They don't care! 
Cats sleep anywhere.
Eleanor Farjeon (1881 - 1965)

New start - thoughts stream

Yet again, old ends, new starts, various thoughts stream into the mind .... old ends, new starts imposed on me, or that I have been trying to impose;  all on the move again.
I am not gripping on the edge of the precipice as my son interprets. As I said, THAT, is a perception based on his past truthful experiences of me.  Indeed, even though a range of emotions are flowing inside me, they emerge transiently.  I observe them. I know what they are about.  I am not as low as the bottom of the ocean nor as high as the satellites in the sky.  I feel fairly level for me, a Cancerian! It is a surprise given the losses currently experienced ... contrary to the negative perhaps hopefully there will be positive gains! Letting go and being let go are not concepts I approve of!
And so, if it is a new kind of freedom that I am taking, or that is being given to me, when people might be letting me go, or I am letting them go, then I am in wonderment of what is next in this life which is being conducted in France. I don't think I have ever been on this level of awareness.
I know that on the one hand I don't like change and yet on the other I strive for it.
I reckon I deserve even better experiences and certainly better than the worst.

When I was 5, I danced on my daddy's shoes and laughed whilst snow was on the ground outside!
When I was a child I never thought... except that things were mysterious and mysteries! I bought the magazine "Look and Learn" when my sister had "Bunty".  Nothing much was ever explained by my parents except doggy knowledge! I played the piano for hours when I was a child, a teenager, a young adult to express emotion into the music and as an escape from a world that mattered not!
I can visualise bedrooms and houses I lived in.
When I was 15 I would gaze out of the open window onto a main road in a London suburb for long hours watching traffic and people and wondering when I could be free to be out in the big, wide world! I vowed to work hard at my qualifications. I did!
When I was 25 I had been content with my only husband, until I became a mother.  I felt continually subjugated by him, my confidence weakened, my vocabulary often 'corrected'.  I listened to his views on philosophy, psychology and life which he knew not a lot about, whilst being unable to express my thoughts!  Scrambled in my head, I was almost mute. When he didn't want to dance and have fun, I did! It ended when the younger one was not yet two. I was sad for them.
When I was 35 and still vulnerable I became hooked into someone's addiction...besotted and needy. I was hounded.  It lasted twelve years.  It restricted personal progress, opportunity and damaged me and my family.  I allowed it to continue!  It was partly my fault!  It takes two to tango!  My own insecurity and desire to further myself were in an irrational and 'not-able-to-think' conflict, but I now see that it was a waste of myself.  I abandoned elements of my own life and family life for my career!
When I was 48 I thought 'the one' was the love of my life... he rescued me. I allowed it!  Unknowingly to even him perhaps, he needed me to be dependent so he could applaud what he has done for me, right up until even yesterday... look, he says, how much he has helped me in the last 4 years... He hasn't mentioned how much he hurt me and my family in the last ten! His comment is that I've forgotten how he supported me,  but in fact I have never forgotten and indeed do praise him but also I am grateful for knowing now who I am.  He gave me my freedom. By telling me to leave the man I loved and love, despite the dark side of his moon,  he rescued me / freed me from the prison in which I had become interred in. Very complicated!
Now that I am 65 he, who was my best friend is throwing a few wobblers from Asia...
I am sure I have not invited his criticism/blame with the exact vocabulary being quoted at me!
I'm wondering what I have done or said to have invited accusatory comments.
I don't need that.
I could ignore it.
I could wash it away like the huge cloudburst we have experienced as I write on a Sunday afternoon. All his wanted and unwanted stuff is in my property! He is the type of man who might never come back for it!
When I was 60 jettisoned into the air, thrown into the largest responsibility of my life, I'd become a property owner again, this time in France, and, more importantly there was mainly me looking after me!!! Looking after 120 kids and 14 or so staff for 23 years and looking after my own two children for 18 years single-handedly was nothing in comparison to the last four years.

YES, I AM writing it down, not to shame anyone!
BUT
to make it clear that I did also support and give much of my life to him and therefore it was a balance of give and take! We were both needy in very different ways.
My blog.
I can write what I like!

It's a double whammy day!
With huge regret and sadness, yet willing to let him go,  I have been encouraging a dear friend to do what is best which doesn't include me. A few days ago, I inadvertently filtered and deleted all our correspondence in an attempt to filter unwanted emails from companies selling unmentionable aids!  Pretty devastating, but I am surprisingly not in tears... now, I can't look back to read wise, sensible words, our shared emotional and intelligent needs, amorous and hedonistic expressions and pleasures, his and my mad moments.  Up to a few days ago he was hoping to visit me in France.  Every time I say No he finds it a challenge.  Every time I say Yes, he backs off from Reality.  Up to a few days ago he was interested, even whilst on holiday with a.n.other and now like a yo-yo he has changed his mind yet again, and it has been like that for a long while now, with and without his friends. A long distance relationship who has been a great friend.. and it comes to nought!
I haven't been able to and can't do long distance anymore.  Same with Asia... I can be supportive but unless someone wants to live and share my life and will allow me to live and share their life or show some interest then why should I bother!
Am I being too harsh? 
Hence, if all those windows on the past can ever finally close and the doors not be ajar, which new doors or windows will open to let in new light and fresh air?
If I had been asked ten years ago where would I be in 2014 I would never have believed that I would be living in this beautiful village,  with all that has happened to me in the last four years. A rollercoaster of the unimaginable. I have loved it and loathed it.  Who would have ever believed that I would feel as strong as I do, and know that I am a WOMAN who deserves so much more in life. I am me. I am.
Now, Hello Big Feet! She is here to keep me grounded and make me attend to responsibilities. "What next?" she miaous!
I am happy! It is a revelation! I am not going to allow anything else to drag me down ever again.. maybe momentarily perhaps... but I am trying to plan, and stuff has to go!  I will stay for at least five years if I can and I believe I can find all the resources I need to develop my house... (the land is a seasonal physical problem). I will not give in!  I believe I will find the person who wants and needs me, who will respect and love me! 

Tranquillity spoiled

The grange next door held a party for 18 year olds to celebrate three birthdays! I was kept awake on and off until after three this morning. I love the French. The parents informed me a few days ago of impending night noise and invited me for aperos... it always works as a placebo, doesn't it!   It's 'a first to have a party at the empty grange next door ... but I hope there is not a repeat, at least for a year.  Even though, I know European Law on noise levels in neighbourhoods, I was extremely  tolerant!  It isn't every day that there is an initiation ceremony into adulthood!year.  It would be interesting to know what my other immediate neighbours thought.   I wonder if it would have been allowed in Paris!
The worst problem was being kept awake until after 3h30 in the morning by Wii who would not come home until after I had put the lights out, at that hour indeed. We had been invited for aperos but somehow he managed to stay... and drink!

Food for Free

Foraging is a great thing to do whether it be from the garden or along les chemins de le village!
MIRABELLES!   They are wonderful, when de-stoned, cooked and served with Lait Ribôt or plain unpasteurised yoghurt if you can find it!... or as a topping for a kind of shortcake that I make! However, healthy eating means not to eat unnaturally sugary foods!

Workawayer II

Unexpectedly, he arrived one day early. Fortunately I was at home so he didn't have to wait too long for me to drive an hour to collect him.  Then it was Sunday, with a Festival in the village for two days. It rained 32mm! On Monday, the sun remembered it was July. After a morning and afternoon stroll along streets, a climb up and down stone steps to browse 'Les Artisanales', we were ready to view 'le chateau' whilst sitting on the lower terrace of 'La Bellevue' with a cold drink in our hands!

Savoury bread for lunch but my own tastes better...so an inspirational purchase

Afternoon birthday cake enjoyed on 13th July rather than 11th. Malheureusement, I had to share, but it still lasted two days!

Evening meal - A Mighty Fine Fish pie

Akin to the Feu de St Jean .. but this one for Bastille day

Rockets propelled skywards to commemorate the Storming of La Bastille.

For Bastille Day we watched superbly loud fireworks across the river from St Savin Abbaye.
Day 2 of work broke into the chore of chopping and sawing kindling wood.  I helped to re-organise the wood store.  I worked from 8 to 8 which is the longest physical workday I have done since helping my friend move house!  I like physical work better when there is another person with me so that I can feel motivated and energised.
There is no more brown skirting board in Le Grand Salon!... and  there is a re-arrangement of furniture.  The staircase will be sanded!  We shared a french lesson on ce, cet, cette, ces as well as celui-ci etc... We are going to try and speak French every day and explore expressions, vocabulary  and of course le grammaire!
The workawayer. com suggestion is to do 5 hours max each of five days. However, they are expected to help with domestic duties, to share cooking and clearing up! There is always a never-ending list of jobs for the host or the guest. It is hard work for me as a host. I have high standards even with my own mess so work never seems to stop unless I flop!
The mower cable had to be rewired. As he didn't know how to do that... the modern person only ever sees sealed plugs, I did it!  The other mower possibly has to have the carburetor cleaned as it is churning out blue smoke!  I am unhappy because moles are making mountains under the cherry tree on my other land! I am also unhappy because someone has borrowed or stolen a plant trough...value 10 euros including plants and soil. There were eleven plus two concrete ones on the roadside so they decided to take a central one with red and white geraniums!  Why take that one in the middle of the row!! Ggggrrrr!  I am also unhappy that no one seems to have skills to repair bicycles so I am going to have to take the third one I have in my possession for a service... rusty brakes it seems!  I am beginning to feel rusty!

Villandry Garden garden sculpture and furniture

I rather like these chairs which were in the kiddies playground area. I thought my son could adapt the idea as he is a jack-of-all-trades and is upcycling metal and wood objects and materials... someone's rubbish can be made or incorporated into an object of beauty! 

He is a metal worker having welded almpst the whole of the hull of his steel vessel, (possibly I am exaggerating... nevertheless it is huge and now it is his home shared with his wife.

Then there were sculptural bronzes of amour, with a central fountain, and Angel's Trumpets pruned into a tree shrub. 

It was all so very very delightful!

Villandry chateau - gardens

Blocks of herbs

The standard rose trees are intended to represent monks as gardeners!

Storm brewing