It's hard to tell

... if energies and synergies are being sapped by others OR if I am sapping their positive energy levels.
It's hard to tell...
I am waiting for a recently pulled, central-back muscle to repair, in addition to muscular and nerve tissue problems that have existed for over a year.  Perhaps incapacity has affected this week's lack of energy and is the result of being sapped and sapping energies!
Shattered, drained, confronting cleaning, clearing of chaos that I and others created.
Shattered, drained, unable to consider all that needs to be done. But slowly, do the dishes... Do one thing at a time. I again am aware that I abandoned Self.
Shattered, drained, trying to do less, but one has to keep working for the next event and excitement that is waiting on the forest path!
Fatigue is gradually being repaired.
Exhaustion has a cyclical pattern in Fibromyalgia where people overdo things, become exhausted, rest, feel less tired, again overdo things.  It's a pattern which requires control.
It's a form of behaviour which has boundless energies with certain people, and none with others,  or none when an unpleasant episode happens in a chapter of my life. Then I am forced to retreat and therefore to collapse!
When physical, mental and emotional energies abound, I think I can do everything in my dreams, yet without being like a child, shouting, screaming "I WANT IT NOW!"
LIVING isn't like that. The Reality is that my DREAMS will probably never be achieved. Even so, balance must be regained! I need to rest before energies can resurface.

It's inevitable for 'burn out' when too many tasks, too many interpersonal relationships are being dealt with all at once, when too many dreams for perfection become negated.  One has to pick oneself up, start again, look to see how 'it' could be improved  by being mindful of small things.
Maybe these thoughts are because I live alone or are the result of past trauma. It is true that losing 'purpose in my career' as a result of many issues gained me early retirement and a different kind of work.  I have never looked back on that crisis that caused success!

Where is the Eagle that soars?
For several days I haven't been able to gather energy in my small, frail wings to rise into the sky to look down on Reality.
Where is my Little Bird, my Free Bird?

In the last few days there have been various suggestions but...
I don't wish to pick up a broom and sweep dust under the carpet! That's not my style!
I don't wish to tread on eggshells anymore.  I shall say it like it is or not say it at all!
I do think when I really didn't think before ten years ago...I was always reacting! - and this thinking thinks about what is right and wrong.
"Does it really matter?" I ask myself before or after asking "What is the point?"
WAIT.  Keep still.
Waiting... that is what we do.... wait for the next thing in life, whatever our age.
My dearest grand daughter waited for the first wobbly tooth to come out and when it did....oh my, the blood and the need to find something to staunch the gap, the excitement and angst for all of us!  
Then she shall wait for faeries... and monetary reward and the next and the next until one day she will realise that she does not wish to wait for any teeth to fall out!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank goodness she kept her first teeth for most of her first six and half years!  It bodes well if she looks after the adult teeth when she has waited for them to appear!
Waiting... 
Today the sun is shining.  It beckons.
I walked a short distance into the heart of the village but my friend was not there.
I don't feel 'Lost in France' but do feel positive that all is meant to be!