Wednesday 20 January 2016

The Post

"Faites attention!"   I am warned today in the village shop.
To make it easier for "les vendeurs des timbres" il y a un nouveau systeme!
BUT it is more expensive for those who are sending mail.
So I must pay attention.

Letter post from France to England or Europe:-
0 - 20g             one stamp   
22g - 100g       two stamps
101g - 250g     five stamps
251g - 500g     eight stamps
501g - 3000g  fourteen stamps

I think the shop owner said one stamp was 70 cts...
My letter weighed 111g for England... yet, if I had taken out some of the non urgent papers and sent them in another letter I would have saved the cost of one or two stamps!!!
 I will print the chart and weigh letters at home before I venture to the post office.
A few days ago I sent a wooden times table square to my grand daughter. I hadn't seen one of these in UK and thought that playing a game with it would help her see the numerical patterns. She is quite good at Maths but as Y3 the quicker she learns them by whatever means the better!
Well,  it cost me 8 stamps to post it when the item cost me about 2 euros and probably cost tuppence to make and the labourers who made it probably didn't even get a bowl of soup. (***See below)  Crazy world!  I wonder what the value of  the first penny post would be in today's economy?

THE PAST
***   When I first started teaching in 1972  the school had few resources in the very East of England.
I spent every evening making resources with the card that they supplied and any pictures from free or bought magazines and brochures etc that I could lay my hands on.  Then I had to cover them with sticky back plastic.  I spent my own money on resources too!   This was for a reception class where 30 kids roamed the room in an orderly fashion to and from individual or group educational tasks / games. It was a logistical wonder. The then Deputy Headteacher was my guru!  No wonder my marriage failed as my poor husband could not understand my enthusiasm and obsession for making new progressive teaching resources every minute that I was at home!!!!!!!!!!

Monday 18 January 2016

Oh how he would have marvelled....

Maybe he knew ... that there is a new named constellation in the stars..... so cool an idea ... even if there is a dispute about its apparent location near Mars... or the distance between the stars...

http://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/jan/18/david-bowie-astronomers-give-the-starman-his-own-constellation

and the words of one of his songs leapt into my mind ....  Oh you pretty things

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBQ-S6njQQw
David Bowie - Hunky Dory.jpg
Admirable musical talent and voice... of only he could witness the accolades! I'm waiting for my copy of Blackstar at number one in the British charts today.  I have no system to play it!  Ironic that it is his first number one after his death.

Sunday 17 January 2016

It's all too easy

whilst living alone, at this age, to be like Bowie, apparently obsessed with anxieties and fears of loss, mental health, death etc.... but oh, if only one had his ability to create.
The mind has a terrible habit of wandering and bringing to the fore the most weirdest of thoughts!
I blurb about my own!
I wish I'd been artistically creative.

When two GREAT ARTISTs have died within one week, including the inspirational Alan Rickman, the inevitable demise (a friend bluntly says 'it is natural wastage!') results in the inevitable analyses and re-runs of performances presented now through internet media, by those reporters who are living.  Thankfully the radio and internet are enough for me without television.  The resultant articles are extremely informative filling the gaps in my knowledge, but also have beckoned me and others to Look Back, be it in Joy or Anger, or any other emotion.  It helps a grieving process. It also wakens one up to get a move on whilst life is present!!!!!!

...to get things in order to support my adult children when they will have their hour of need in one hopes some grief of trawling through my personal stuff!!! I must leave it tidy! I must do this and that. But the doing of it is HARD! VERY DIFFICULT!

Getting the kitchen planned has taken so many hours and days. The room stares at me, defies me, says "it should be easy" and yes, it should. I think this, then that but have to return to the first or second idea because of available space etc.

I am aware of the start of the victim mode and want to be rescued!  That will not do. I have to find the adult mode and be responsible. I bought the house. I took out the kitchen  with the help of another because it was very damaged and unaesthetic ... and NOW ... ho ho ho it costs an arm and leg to instal a complete kitchen ... I still have two arms and legs and so I must afford it, whatever the future scenario!  The sooner, the better and then I can be more free.

It is all too easy for any one of us to judge another. All this baggage we claim!  It comes around again and again until we have sorted out the emotional pain we have gained in our very lives.
It's our pain and doesn't belong to anyone else.

It comes around again and again as we come into contact with REAL PEOPLE in our lives... not just those who have through celebrity status influenced our ideas on art and music, history, literature, geography, travel, food and other culture, textiles, nature, science technology, politics, economics, psychology, etc at the heart of our belief values and boundaries, but also those whom we have met fletteingly or deeply affecting our innermost core.

Bowie did what he could to transform his oddity and VOILA at the end of his life it was ashes to ashes ... and that is probably all we are. Maybe there will be a spirit or a soul that might squeeze through the gates of heaven but in my case.. .......I'd better start working harder.
Never too late .. is it?

Wednesday 13 January 2016

Thinking outside of the box

RANDOM THOUGHTS THAT POP INTO MY HEAD ... in this case, as I light the woodburner and look at the crisp clear blue sky.

I have thought this, in this link which I include here ... not so much about his music but his eloquent intellectual style:
he was the one who did open the theatrical door onto a world already heading in that direction of openness in the late 70s...
who did make it OK for people to experiment with who they are to find their true person.
This man who has just died seems to have almost a godly persona .. and I believe he really has walked into the gates of heaven!   I also believe that his life, now ended, will ricochet causing new positive developments in a modern world which is already changing.

The BBC one can share the link:   http://bbc.in/1n7er5h  
and if that link does not work:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/articles/d5c291be-258c-4217-922e-38f9d78de878

and so I do agree ....

For some months, I've been trying to fathom out why my daughter is as she is... I have been thinking that her because it is my opinion that she has not been using her creativity, her intelligence, her happiness, her  complex talents...one would perhaps think she isn't very intelligent but she has deep, deep knowledge that is blocked for some reason.   She finds it difficult to be consistent - don't many of us?  That in itself is a consistency in that she is inconsistent!!!!!!
Creativity is important.. people cannot live around the internet...I know this about my own behaviour.  Two different peas in a pod!

As a young, naive person with television in the house, which I didn't often like to watch when family did on a boringly basis,  I didn't know about the REAL world but I did tap into the aural one.  We had loud, non stop rock music in our houses, once I'd left home. I also played classical stuff as a music student, until I managed to find Radio 4 and 'Woman's Hour' in my life.   My husband played Indian music.  One rental was a student house, the next in the middle of a field attached to a neighbour  was a house sit where we were mindful of sound levels. Another was a detached house in the middle of rural England where the nearest neighbour was some distance!   Great years for feeling a sense of freedom and an attempt at 'the good life'.  They were the times, the early 1970s when even though one was a rebel one still did what establishment said ... for example, following what the BABY BOOKS said about babies... and I very much regret their advice to leave the screaming child who needed a hug to sob itself to sleep!!!!!!!

The internet for me is a wonderful tool for personal self learning and to learn about psychology, but as David Bowie said it comes with a WARNING LABEL: those are not his words.   He warns of the creativity of the tool but also of the dangerous aspects which indeed that prophecy is indeed true.

In the last 24 hours I have discovered a very interesting man... also suffering from a common phenomena of anxiety about the world and self.

He thought outside of the box. In my younger years I too was encouraged to think sideways. However, my problem was that I was never proactive! 

Tuesday 12 January 2016

Change is ongoing to the very end when it changes yet again

Lifted from The Guardian:
David Bowie:
“My entire career, I’ve only really worked with the same subject matter. The trousers may change, but the actual words and subjects I’ve always chosen to write with are things to do with isolation, abandonment, fear and anxiety, all of the high points of one’s life.”
  “I am not a natural performer,” Bowie said in a rare interview in 2002. “I don’t enjoy performing terribly much. Never have. I can do it and, if my mind’s on the situation, do it quite well. But, five or six shows in, I’m dying to get off the road and go back to the studio.”

It is a kind of comfort to me to realise that even the GREATEST have troubles with isolation, abandonment, fear and anxiety,
So........ i'st not only me, then ?  !!!!!!!!!   aaaaaaaarrrgh!
One must remember to focus on the higher points of one's life.
Even a star turns to dust and dances high in the skies.
God bless!

Monday 11 January 2016

Changes: Tribute to a Hero

In shock!
Have sobbed, in gutted sadness to hear of the death of David Bowie...
the end of such an era!!!!!!!
A star scattering stardust on us young things.
A performer.
A stage player pushing horizons. 
An innovator.
An inventor.
A dreamer.
A reality man.
A genius.
A true true true musician.
A man so loved by many people in the world.
A respected man.
A huge influence on my thoughts of contemporary music in my formative years.. and even now.
An influence for so many musicians around the world.
A sad sad loss to the world .. when we could all be Heroes just for one day! 
GOODBYE MAJOR TOM from GROUND CONTROL!
Let me play his music all day.
I am heartbroken.
RESPECT for him and his family. 
 Words cannot express: RIP David Bowie hollywoodreporter.com/news/david-bow…

Wednesday 6 January 2016

Change: Stuff of life

Digits:  0 6 0 1 2 0 1 6 sound nice for this date of Epiphany.

I sometimes have a moment of sudden (and great) revelation or realization but never is it sufficiently great to move my life forward. I never seem to have a strong enough personal belief system.

Having got through Christmas and the change of year fairly unharmed from woes and wonders I now look for changes - doesn't everyone?   I hope for better experiences. It's all a case of the mind being willing. One needs stimulus, motivation and here in France I sometimes feel 'lost', unfulfilled when there is no one to talk to.  I feel I am still searching for something; meaningful people with whom I can relate, getting to grips with who I am!  I suppose it is everyone's quest!!!!!

This week I've told two people in my life, two people whom I have loved very much and still do as well as have respect towards, to go and do "Whatever makes them happy". It has been hard to say leave me alone but if I don't feel respected then why should I continue the friendships? 
I am wondering if it will be sustained.  One has agreed (but we had that before) and one has not even referred to my suggestion.  One has to stop telling me 'what I must do and by when" and to stop telling me about my own inadequacies.
It isn't a situation I have ever really found myself in.  Usually I am the person to be dumped!!!!!! haha!

OK I am indecisive at times, have difficulty with making choices at times, am inconsistent at times, and contradict myself at times.  YUP I am all of that...  Also I have been told not to rubbish other people ...  Funny that!  I think most people are guilty of forming judgements or opinions about others which includes criticisms and compliments.  Isn't that how we form an understanding of liking a person or not wishing to be near someone?  Understanding others isn't easy and requires enormous bags of patience, tolerance and REAL not surface communication.  I've had that with both friends.
I need friends with whom I can have fun, who are there for me when I need them and when I can be there if they need me! 

It is true that I haven't always treated others as I would wish to be treated. My mother and father were non existent role models. My mother was an extremely rude woman! My father intelligent but unworldly. Yet mother could be extremely kind and she was the driving force in the family.
Evidently, I irritate and annoy some people! I suppose it depends on the relationship or how others deal with others. Some of my friends listen very patiently and suggest and talk about life's experiences in the wider sense of the word and when that happens it is more supportive and I learn more!  To discuss is better than to be TOLD!

Getting things done - boxes to tick:

I told myself that 2014 and 2015 would be opportunities to SORT STUFF and to some extent I have done some but not enough.

I start one task and then stop / deviate as something else demands Attention. Physical health is much better but laziness is current. Maybe it is hibernation. Excuses for procrastination! Procrastination has to be ousted!  Inertia borne out of laziness, insufficient stimulus or necessity needs to be banished to take ACTION.

After 36 hours of REST, in darkened room emerging for attempts at daily life,  I DO have to prepare today for the visit of a friend who arrives tomorrow.  I give up my room as a chambre d'hôte.

Epiphany in the Calendar means the absolute end of those twelve days of 'stuff' when I increasingly refuse to join in, take part, and so my year needs to begin TODAY!  Carnaval will soon commence with the Mardi Gras!  

I will pick myself up and dust myself down until the day I can't and if people don't like me as I am then YES they can go elsewhere! It's sad but necessary!

I have lists of things to do and I even tried to formulate an ACTION PLAN for everything but that was JUST too OVERWHELMING. I am doing what I can in the Health department and in the other slices of that PIE chart! GOT TO!!!!!!! MOVE or DIE!!!

Tuesday 5 January 2016

The twelfth of twelve

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sang to me:

12 drummers drumming,

11 pipers piping,

10 lords-a-leaping,

9 ladies dancing,

8 maids-a-milking,

7 swans-a-swimming,

6 geese-a-laying,

5 golden rings,

4 calling birds,

3 French hens,

2 turtle doves,

and a partridge in a pear tree.


Monday 4 January 2016

The eleventh of twelve

On the eleventh day of Christmas
Love came yesterday
in the form of a cheerful card from my son and his wife.
with two gifts which made me feel humble and tearful, knowing that despite all the difficulties we do love each other.  There have been too many years of hurt and pain ... Life isn't easy and the mouth soon opens when it is better to keep quiet!  I am hoping we can move to the future!
One gift is a jar of 100 capsules of "green lipped mussels" recommended by my son's wife for arthritis (they knew of my recent temporary lumbar paralysis).
One gift is delicious Chinese teaballs that open into a flower in the teapot ... just as in Wagamama's... mmmmm...
The best gift though was his simple touching sentence about hoping to catch up in 2016.
Ah... yes please.
However, I did phone just before New Years Eve. The post took 12 days to arrive!   Still, I would like us all to meet.  B has never been to France in 12 years to see where I live.  S has been but on each occasion was treated inappropriately and hurt by anger, thoughts of betrayal and my inability to be a go between.
I live in HOPE that we can be Family again!!!   That would be the best gift ever!

Sunday 3 January 2016

The tenth of twelve

On the tenth day of Christmas cat and chicken duties ended.
Oh...the liturgical calendar seems to have moved EPIPHANY from 6th to 3rd January...
This explains....
http://stpeterinchains.com/2015/12/epiphany/
and 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biblical_Magi
explains further...
and with thanks to this link I reproduce a delightful image. I love the colours and composition.
 unknown-artist-the-three-magi-basilica-di-santapollinare-nuovo-ravenna-italy-6th-century


Saturday 2 January 2016

The ninth of twelve

On the ninth day of Christmas..
my inner love says to me
that I love to write, take photos, walk once I've got my coat on and gathered motivation to get out and about, cycle (when weather becomes warm) and when muscles get used to the action.
Yesterday, eventually I became inspired upon a route and headed in that direction. I marvel at the fact that the woodland above L'Anglin has remained as it is for 100 years or more, yet constantly in its state of growth and decay!


Further en route, I discovered a different siting of a Borie, in excellent condition on a small chemin that I had never walked before. I like to find a new route.
See two previous postings for regional cabanes/bories/shepherds' huts :  one    and   two 


 The view looking out from the borie doorway:

Just around the corner of the lane , inaccessible to any roving wanderer, but more visible in winter, is the largest borie I know of in this region.  I suppose I have identified at least 12 in this area.
I had walked much further than intended. I'd been out for almost three hours.  I still couldn't find the chemins marked on the map but have clearly been eroded by agriculturists and the owners of woodland.  On the way home in the dusk with rain falling, the former miller of the watermill offered me a lift into the village.   I abandoned my 'dog defense tool', an acquired walking stick as I stepped into his new looking vehicle.

Friday 1 January 2016

The eighth of twelve

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love wishes thee
"a marvellous future year with happiness, wealth and cheer, opportunity and chance to help you sing and dance."  TRULY, let it bring good or better health, fortune in not only a monetary sense, happy times with family and friends, opportunities to meet new people, go new places, experience new things, broaden horizons, safety and security.
Happy New Year!