Change: Stuff of life

Digits:  0 6 0 1 2 0 1 6 sound nice for this date of Epiphany.

I sometimes have a moment of sudden (and great) revelation or realization but never is it sufficiently great to move my life forward. I never seem to have a strong enough personal belief system.

Having got through Christmas and the change of year fairly unharmed from woes and wonders I now look for changes - doesn't everyone?   I hope for better experiences. It's all a case of the mind being willing. One needs stimulus, motivation and here in France I sometimes feel 'lost', unfulfilled when there is no one to talk to.  I feel I am still searching for something; meaningful people with whom I can relate, getting to grips with who I am!  I suppose it is everyone's quest!!!!!

This week I've told two people in my life, two people whom I have loved very much and still do as well as have respect towards, to go and do "Whatever makes them happy". It has been hard to say leave me alone but if I don't feel respected then why should I continue the friendships? 
I am wondering if it will be sustained.  One has agreed (but we had that before) and one has not even referred to my suggestion.  One has to stop telling me 'what I must do and by when" and to stop telling me about my own inadequacies.
It isn't a situation I have ever really found myself in.  Usually I am the person to be dumped!!!!!! haha!

OK I am indecisive at times, have difficulty with making choices at times, am inconsistent at times, and contradict myself at times.  YUP I am all of that...  Also I have been told not to rubbish other people ...  Funny that!  I think most people are guilty of forming judgements or opinions about others which includes criticisms and compliments.  Isn't that how we form an understanding of liking a person or not wishing to be near someone?  Understanding others isn't easy and requires enormous bags of patience, tolerance and REAL not surface communication.  I've had that with both friends.
I need friends with whom I can have fun, who are there for me when I need them and when I can be there if they need me! 

It is true that I haven't always treated others as I would wish to be treated. My mother and father were non existent role models. My mother was an extremely rude woman! My father intelligent but unworldly. Yet mother could be extremely kind and she was the driving force in the family.
Evidently, I irritate and annoy some people! I suppose it depends on the relationship or how others deal with others. Some of my friends listen very patiently and suggest and talk about life's experiences in the wider sense of the word and when that happens it is more supportive and I learn more!  To discuss is better than to be TOLD!

Getting things done - boxes to tick:

I told myself that 2014 and 2015 would be opportunities to SORT STUFF and to some extent I have done some but not enough.

I start one task and then stop / deviate as something else demands Attention. Physical health is much better but laziness is current. Maybe it is hibernation. Excuses for procrastination! Procrastination has to be ousted!  Inertia borne out of laziness, insufficient stimulus or necessity needs to be banished to take ACTION.

After 36 hours of REST, in darkened room emerging for attempts at daily life,  I DO have to prepare today for the visit of a friend who arrives tomorrow.  I give up my room as a chambre d'hôte.

Epiphany in the Calendar means the absolute end of those twelve days of 'stuff' when I increasingly refuse to join in, take part, and so my year needs to begin TODAY!  Carnaval will soon commence with the Mardi Gras!  

I will pick myself up and dust myself down until the day I can't and if people don't like me as I am then YES they can go elsewhere! It's sad but necessary!

I have lists of things to do and I even tried to formulate an ACTION PLAN for everything but that was JUST too OVERWHELMING. I am doing what I can in the Health department and in the other slices of that PIE chart! GOT TO!!!!!!! MOVE or DIE!!!