It's all too easy

whilst living alone, at this age, to be like Bowie, apparently obsessed with anxieties and fears of loss, mental health, death etc.... but oh, if only one had his ability to create.
The mind has a terrible habit of wandering and bringing to the fore the most weirdest of thoughts!
I blurb about my own!
I wish I'd been artistically creative.

When two GREAT ARTISTs have died within one week, including the inspirational Alan Rickman, the inevitable demise (a friend bluntly says 'it is natural wastage!') results in the inevitable analyses and re-runs of performances presented now through internet media, by those reporters who are living.  Thankfully the radio and internet are enough for me without television.  The resultant articles are extremely informative filling the gaps in my knowledge, but also have beckoned me and others to Look Back, be it in Joy or Anger, or any other emotion.  It helps a grieving process. It also wakens one up to get a move on whilst life is present!!!!!!

...to get things in order to support my adult children when they will have their hour of need in one hopes some grief of trawling through my personal stuff!!! I must leave it tidy! I must do this and that. But the doing of it is HARD! VERY DIFFICULT!

Getting the kitchen planned has taken so many hours and days. The room stares at me, defies me, says "it should be easy" and yes, it should. I think this, then that but have to return to the first or second idea because of available space etc.

I am aware of the start of the victim mode and want to be rescued!  That will not do. I have to find the adult mode and be responsible. I bought the house. I took out the kitchen  with the help of another because it was very damaged and unaesthetic ... and NOW ... ho ho ho it costs an arm and leg to instal a complete kitchen ... I still have two arms and legs and so I must afford it, whatever the future scenario!  The sooner, the better and then I can be more free.

It is all too easy for any one of us to judge another. All this baggage we claim!  It comes around again and again until we have sorted out the emotional pain we have gained in our very lives.
It's our pain and doesn't belong to anyone else.

It comes around again and again as we come into contact with REAL PEOPLE in our lives... not just those who have through celebrity status influenced our ideas on art and music, history, literature, geography, travel, food and other culture, textiles, nature, science technology, politics, economics, psychology, etc at the heart of our belief values and boundaries, but also those whom we have met fletteingly or deeply affecting our innermost core.

Bowie did what he could to transform his oddity and VOILA at the end of his life it was ashes to ashes ... and that is probably all we are. Maybe there will be a spirit or a soul that might squeeze through the gates of heaven but in my case.. .......I'd better start working harder.
Never too late .. is it?