Monday 31 October 2011

Another Woodburner

The woodburner in the other room is now working brilliantly. I had trouble with smoke coming out from the back and twice the company returned, investigated, swept the brand new chimney, lit the fire and found no problem.  In between the installation and their visits I lit it four times on different days and always the same problem. Happily, I have no more problems and would heartily recommend the company.

Saturday 29 October 2011

Zaidi Zaidi - a Macedonian Song

Exquisite Sevdah sung by Amira Medunjanin from Bosnia and music from Sidonia, Romania, Estonia.
Listen to the delayed acoustics and the beautiful duduk, a variety of shawm. 


Friday 28 October 2011

Mastering the Woodburner

When working well so much heat is generated that it is obviously unwise to touch the enamel stove and pipe ... and yet when it is not going quite so well to touch the enamel is warming to the hands and comforting. Which would I rather have? The former!
My theory is that men are better with pyrotechnics.... but  as a 'newlyagainlearninghowtobeindependent' woman,  I  have to learn to have androgynous talents!
This woodburner is very different from all the others I have known. It has a waffle bed, rather than a grate, and is enamelled.   I have followed instructions and built up a bed of ash. Today I've emptied the ashpan, which was not full but I thought it could be a factor in why I cannot keep the woodburner alight through the  night or even day!  Now I know I have to get that oak really hot before  I close down the dampers and although it is "interdit" to open that front door just a crack, it seems to be effective at getting the oak fired up and getting the room and me warmer!   So before I went out this afternoon, I got it working well, closed down the levers... and on my homecoming opened up the door just a wee bit and now the fire is humming happily. This is when I know it is working well.  And the note compared to my piano which may need a re-tune is about Eb ( E flat ).  The hum is as comforting as the heat and I've never had a woodburner that hummed.  I ought to know about acoustics .... but perhaps it is the 1.70m length of enamelled pipe that creates the sound.
My lessons from others in woodburner skills is that I must watch, listen and observe and this will indicate what I do and what I have to do with .....
  • the level of ash
  • the amount of paper and kindling wood to build up the heat before adding the oak log
  • when to open and close the dampers left and right - one is the air wash to keep the window clean (and this is important when it takes several minutes to clean the window each morning with expensive cleaning agent, vinegar and ash)
  • the length of time to keep a stove door ajar and then which one - the front or the side  
  • when to use the poker to break down the glowing red oak embers so that it creates a hotbed for the next log
  • exactly when to load the next log.... this seems to be crucial ....
  • and many other factors,  e.g.   I am convinced the air pressure of the weather has an effect!  Science was never my forté, but I challenge even the scientist to 'have a go' at  maintaining what is at present my only source of heat, apart from the hot water bottle! I have been sorely tempted to purchase another electric blanket but I  gave up on that luxury when I discovered that I had been saved from incineration when I discovered it had burnt my bedlinen!  OK that was 30 years ago! 
I love my woodburner and although it is dirty and dusty from time to time it is enormously satisfying when I get it right and can sit in warmth and watch the fire in the window. 


    Monday 17 October 2011

    Piano Concert 4 hands 2 pianos

    On Friday I was reluctant to travel for 50 minutes to a concert but after a beautiful productively busy day when I was rewarded by a long walk and apricot tartlet I decided to go.  It was fun and the standard was extremely high.  The two pianists were Russian.  Yes, 4 hands playing two Steinway grand pianos facing each other in a 'being-renovated' stable block belonging to the Château de Crémault, on the banks of the River Vienne at Bonneuil-Matours.  For many years I wanted to go to the concerts but not drive the distance. I made it and how glad I was.  I arrived to find people standing in the dark... aha ... this is a French thing... this happened to me the last time I went to a concert a few weeks ago.  I am told that the time of the concert has altered and would I like some tea.  Tea never arrived but our group was ushered into the private chateau where we were shown the art on display.  I found the textile sculptures of African women fascinating and longed to be able to do that sort of thing.  We were in the back three rooms of the castle with a view of the river, if it were not night.  Beautiful, simple but not rich, paneled walls on which hung abstract paintings of 'sort of one colour' until up close you could see the texture and different hue of paint daubed onto the surface.  There was a marvelous table around which were 18 chairs!  Imagine sitting there in Georgian style.  I liked another table on which were silver plates, glass containers, candles, dried lavender flowers, bottles of liquor, glasses, huge vases of champagne corks, a pottery angel, a cornucopia of walnuts, a panoply of peacock feathers,  and much else besides on the table, under the table and around the table set against the wall with a mirror to reflect the bazaar.  After listening to our host we were taken outside to the ancient orangery where no orange flowers bloomed but his paintings of the sea hung on the wall. He elaborated in detail before confessing they were his.  I liked them very much but my interest was transfixed to the dilapidated, open window.....
    It was time to buy my ticket and choose a seat... oh with difficulty.... two grand pianos facing each other and seats on all sides of the pianos.....  I sat by the window but later moved when the ladies played 4 hands at one piano.   I was in awe. Yes they had music scores but the quality of the pianistic skill was impressive, certainly of any city concert hall. How could they play so fast AND turn those pages over? They played Liszt, Schumann, Chopin, Ravel, Messiaen, and William Walton"s Valse from Façade.  I couldn't get a play list.

    Afterwards we were invited to have a glass of wine and were served sweet biscuits which gave an opportunity for people to mingle. I was surprised to be speaking to our host, the painter who had given us the arrival tour.  It must be costing an absolute fortune to renovate one of the two stable blocks with oak flooring much the same as mine and then have the cost of the  ceilings, lighting, "candlearbres" (how do you spell that word? aha ... candleabras - it looks so strange when I know that les arbres are trees and les bras are arms!)  as well as heating for the regular concerts. Do they own these two pianos or are they hired?   Whatever ... I had a wonderful evening, returning at midnight, and enjoyed an experience again like no other in England or in France.  The ticket for such musicianship was 16e. I can't afford to go to their weekly concerts but I shall definitely think about making the effort more often.

    A kaleidoscopic summer in 2010

    May 2010 to August 2010

    After sand blasting.....there was a kaleidoscope of activities. These were certainly colourful but not always pretty!

    It was impossible to relax when decisions had to be considered and made, shopping for materials and tools was necessary and living was all go, go, go with increasing tensions.  I had help but hindrance seemed to be by the side as I attempted to face the consequences of purchasing this particular house.
    Life seemed to throw me several lessons all at once.  I've known myself to be a slow learner and have often had to experience several lessons.  Repetition though is part of the learning process as I used to tell those I taught. Awareness, observation, courage, confidence as well as time to reflect help! I certainly was having all this thrown in my direction. 
    ADMINISTRATION
    May is the time for tax return forms - not as simple as it sounds! Several visits to the tax office and then they were happy!  Every year is not easy!
    Accounts of expenditure had to be kept.  I quickly began to lose the plot when I had so much else to do and think about.

    CLEARING OUT
    Two large attics were cleared of debris that had been left from the previous owner ...
    masses of old cardboard, duvets and blankets used as insulation to protect the water against the frost,
    empty wine bottles, rubber pipes, old books,
    polystyrene sheets,
    clothes in wardrobes,
    useful knitting wool and fabric,
    wood, nails, hooks, metal, blue farming twine (all affectionately renamed as Augés, after the previous resident, he solved all conundrums with bits of wood, metal, string)
    tiles, old kitchen crockery,
    kitsch items such as a sequined santa!
    old mirrors (these are to go in the garden)
    old furniture some of which served useful as building site seats and tables but then disintegrated,
    garden rubbish - oyster shells, chicken and beef bones and metal littered the garden,
    ... to name but just some of the stuff that made mountains in the courtyard until it was taken to the dechetterie in cars and remorques.

    REMOVAL and REPAIR
    Radiators were removed from the walls,
    external shutters were sanded and painted and sanded and painted...
    and to add to difficulties the car started to have a repeat of electrical problems, all to do with the remorque lights blowing the fuse!
    The ceiling between the beams was plasterboarded, plastered and painted.
    The walls lost their wallpaper with tears and laughter whilst music helped to keep the rhythm going. As I worked my way around the room, the concave walls were filled as best as we could not having the correct tools (months later I bought the correct trowel!)   Plaster filling resulted in dust, dust and more dust and needed the patience and determination of Job.  My gratitude is vast!
    In the midst of chaos artisans came to give estimates for roof repair and electricity repair.


    TOIL, TROUBLE and inevitable TOLL
    The backs of the two men took a toll from digging ditches, distributing rubble in country lanes, cutting a door hole in a French breezeblock wall and reaching high to the ceilings.  To work hard as a skivvy was my way of demonstrating my gratitude as well as the fact that it brings me enjoyment to provide breakfast, coffee, tea, lunch, cakes, ice-creams, beer and wine, as well as to sweep the site clean, several times a day.  Sanding woodwork was not so pleasant for me  but I was ready to lift buckets of rubble, problem-solve and add ideas for project management. 

    FAILINGS
    I was being pressured to design, choose and buy bathroom furniture when clearly I had no idea.   I wasn't confident with what I wanted nor what to buy. I was also lacking confidence in considering where electrics should go, calculating tiling and paint, even though over the last 12 years I have become well-used to house renovation and the inside of DIY stores. The difference this time was the scale of this project. It was not just redecoration.  I respect interior designers and builders but the client also needs to be respected. It was my own fault in many ways to bring in the workers before I had had a chance to decide what the house required. Retrospectively, I have no qualms now in a) bringing men to work as it made things happen... and b) being indecisive etc  because out of those inadequacies I may have caused the builders a lot of frustrations but I am achieving the style of house that I like. 

    SUCCESS
    In the midst of chaos we ate brilliantly... and somehow I, him and him, made cherry clafoutis, paschka, bread, prawn lakhsa, enjoyed barbecues, casseroles, roasts and swam in the river, went to music concerts and brocantes, sat in the garden and talked and talked. It was a lovely experience and fun.
    We did our best to rise above the challenges which seemed to hit us anew each day, designed to destroy a dream enveloped amidst the kaleidoscope of emotions.

    REGRET
    It makes me sorrowful, regretful and I thought I was the catalyst for what has happened but I know that it was not all my fault and that deeper psychological traumas are responsible for feelings that have been mismanaged by myself and others.

    ENJOYMENT
    Midsummer came and Eve was fun!      ( I'm looking for the PHOTOS.......)
    My son and I decided to burn one pair of the several pairs of clogs that had been taken off the walls..... this pair were doomed as the rites were read.  We had a marvellous meal I seem to remember and sat reflectively under the stars when my son told me he'd much prefer to see his mother dancing and laughing

    JULY 2010
    After 7 weeks my world was rather topsy-turvy. My son went home and I went to England where I stayed for the first two weeks of July 2010 and wished I'd stayed there for longer as my birthday in France was the most depressingly, miserable birthday I had ever, ever, ever experienced.  No one to share it with. No special meal. No cake. No presents until after the day.  My son sent me LOVE because that was all I said I ever wanted and what a surprise to open 4 sculpted letters and my daughter sent me a beautiful glass necklace. I cried.
    Love on a mantelpiece which has been replaced by a woodburner.
    Pretty glass tear drop to accompany the love I yearned for.
    AUGUST 2010
    July disappeared. I rallied. August seemed so cold. When the weather improved two of us spent about 20 hours clearing two gardens where the grasses were over 2 feet tall. Another 10 hours cleared the debris from my stable garage building.

    BAD DREAMS
    I was sleeping between two houses and on the morning of 7th August 2010 I had a dream with a hugely sized number '7/2/24'.  It was telling me where to go on this date.  It was rather like the NEON sign 'LOSE' in my dream that I had in March 2010. It was a warning.  I camped in my house.

    FRUSTRATIONS and SETBACKS
    I tried to sand and paint a small room but the finish of the walls and woodwork was poor to start with so how could I make silk out of a sow's ear!  It was not what I wanted to achieve.  I became angry and frustrated with everything and everyone, recounting in my head past actions, words, emotions and how it could have been made better.  I despaired at the whole idea of having bought my house because it seemed that by and large it had brought me hell, unhappiness and thrown my life up into the air in shards of glass, fragments of dust, meaningless matter and all at my age and his!
    My daughter sent me a text message to say that there are reasons why I have come to this house and I have to learn what the lessons are.  She gave me strength to carry on when all I wanted to do was to crawl into a pit somewhere. On reflection as I write this 17 months after my purchase I consider she was correct.
    Then a friend was hospitalised and weirdly this resulted in further worries, deceits, confessions and miseries!  When would it ever get better? Because it can't get any worse.... or can it????????
    There is a Law of Attraction and a Law of Thought and I have been guilty of the two with my anxiety and paranoia. I also believe that paranoia from elsewhere was also responsible.

    A SUMMING UP 

    In the months from May to August 2010 I was aware of being:  active or still, hardworking or lazy, reflective or unable to think, animated or tired,  happy or sad,  positive or negative,  enthusiastic or struggling,  proud or ashamed, confident or embarassed, overjoyed or depressed, competent or overwhelmed..... and so many other conditions of JUST BEING that appeared to fluctuate seemingly incessantly,  as I waited for each moment to tell me what to do next.  Increasingly I heard of people who were unwell and I worried about  my own health and that of the people I love and knew that life should be celebrated and not reduced to the negativity, inner injury and tears that seemed to be knocking on my door and that of the people I love.
       
    With regard to my very own house, by August, it felt as if a kind of secret was being revealed to me, demonstrating a range of unexpected feelings; trepidation, fear, anxiety, excitement, energy, enthusiasm, shame, embarassment ( the amount of rubbish destined for the décheterrie), then stillness and calm as I tried to understand how the house wanted to be looked after.  I began at some point to feel quite content as I listened to the silence and sounds within and without the stone walls and imagined times gone before and times to come.

    Thursday 13 October 2011

    I'd been rejected but I was still in love

    He says this in his speech - Steve Jobs 2005.

    That's how I feel exactly ... but hey ... I love so many people and so many things and even I am beginning to love myself ... passion must be like a fire or a candle - it needs to be kindled so that it can burn brightly before it dies.

    Love is a treasure. It is not sacrifice. It is patient and kind. It too has to be kindled and kept alive.

    I learn in life that wherever there is a hello there is bound to be a goodbye ... 
    who are we to know when our joy and sorrow will arrive.
    I am able to laugh and then in almost the self same moment pour forth tears and vice-versa.
    It's probably healthier to be somewhere in between.

    There are stages in my life when I return to a most beautiful source of wisdom for solace - the book called 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran.  


    On Joy and Sorrow  
    Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
    And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
    And how else can it be?
    The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
    Is not the cup that holds your wine, the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
    And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
    When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
    When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
    Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
    But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
    Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
    Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
    Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
    When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

    Blast


    Events in May and June 2010

    Blasting appeared to take on a whole new meaning. 
    Everyone was exhausted, stressed and almost killed off by the end of May. 
    All the delightful, leisurely moments that as a team we had enjoyed, appeared to be meaningless, as if they had never existed. 

    I'd performed at my piano teacher's pupils concert and the practice required probably got on everyone's nerves! I was annoyed with myself when I made a mistake playing too fast and had to stop, start again!  One Sunday I did a 10km walk alone but with the village group.  
    In May there are a lot of feast days. Brocantes were galore at the weekends and on the hottest day ever we went to La Villeperdu, Valencay and St Maure but really it was just, just too hot.  

    After sand blasting there was the neck-breaking sanding of the beams.  Men on site were covered in more dust as new plasterboard replaced the damaged board between beams. This was not envisaged!  Then taping, jointing, filling 'dinks' in walls and ceiling and much, much more sanding of plaster.  This required repetition, time and patience.   
    BUT ... Oh what a beautiful result was produced and I AM DEEPLY GRATEFUL.
    Every time I look at my huge beams I remember the cost involved and I don't mean just monetary.
    I remember too that machine and the scaffolding and I continue to appreciate the effort that two men contributed to making a difference in what was a former barn before it's conversion about 26 years ago.

    Wall paper stripping continued....the scaffolding was mine  to reach the top of the extremely high walls! 

    Sunday 9 October 2011

    L'art et Lard at Le Petit Pressigny

    What a wonderful day!

    I can't possibly show you in photographs all the artists' works that were exhibited around the village in houses, gardens, sheds, caves (pronounced as carves but some were trogladyte caves...) as I did not take photographs of their talent.  There was such creativity and inspiration. One young female painter whose exhibits were the earthy colours of Utah ...... told me how she walked in those canyons about 20km each day all by herself for 6 weeks !!!!!!!
    I think my favourite art work at the festival exhibition were:
    photography: Rieja Van Art avec les textes de Michele Guignandon and also those of Serge Lopez. The photographic content was the traditional cotton and linen of France.
    sculpture: Claude Eybert  - he worked in wood, zinc, glass and broken crockery and the work is very tactile.
    pottery: Dominique Maroille makes beautiful garden flowers and I love the miniature coffee mugs of Magalie
    paintings:Charlotte Guérineau captures the subtlety of the ochre in rocks and sand and charm in her confident self is expressed in the passion she has for the desert.

    If I were to have the time, I will later learn how to make a slide show of my humble photography.  Meanwhile here are some of my own art images, as taken apart from the first which was cropped:











    Friday 7 October 2011

    Steve Jobs becomes an icon

    I love my Applemac.  It has enabled my creative writing of text and poems and allowed archiving of other written documents.  It has prompted me to improve my neglected photography skills .  It has stimulated me to develop blog and website creation and facilitated research into learning and life by using the internet.  It has helped me to listen to a wide range of music, explore wonderful events, people, places and quite frankly be in touch with so many different subjects in this vast world.  The world is accessible!  In turn other software has allowed me to communicate with others.

    The format is easier to use than Windows.  I think that once bitten by a Macbookpro it is difficult not to have one.


    I am self taught with the computer.  I just click what's on screen in order to find out what it does and how it works.  For several years I had responsibility for IT development, until wearing so many hats,  having so many responsibilities and unable to keep pace with the pace of time I eventually returned the responsibility to my Senior Manager!  It was frustrating as no sooner had we bought one computer to meet government requirements, the next was necessary and it was a different configuration.  Buying piecemeal was hopelessly uneducational!

    On the day of Steve Jobs' death I heard on the news a few words about 'time in our lives' which resonated with what I'd been recently experiencing. I just keyed in those words which had been a snippet of his 2005 speech.  It is so inspirational.  Please take the time to listen to it and or read it.

    http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/oct/06/steve-jobs-pancreas-cancer

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/oct/06/steve-jobs-quotes

    His words have touched me.

    I am a fatalist. I believe that lessons, knowledge, experiences, information, and I don't know what come to the person when needed.  His speech came to me when I needed it. 

    I am going through some challenging times in what I think is a transitional period of maturing or growing up and having realisation about life issues that I haven't learned.

    I am also trying hard not to waste my time living anyone else's life and it is a struggle keeping to my business and it is a struggle to keep focused on that and to ignore the business of others.

    Keeping on my track and not getting derailed onto someone else's track or just derailed completely is a several times daily challenge.

    I am having to re-educate myself and do one task at a time so that I am 'on track'.  I used to be able to multi-task. I now realise I was probably very inefficient at what I did. Maybe I was just younger and better at circus tricks!  When the myriad of tasks that have accumulated crowd in on me and I end up trying to do several all at once, or I look at them all and do nothing,  I have to say STOP. Then having STOPPED I have to concentrate very specifically on one thing only, however long it takes, and even though it should take a few seconds, if it takes longer it does not matter. I am doing it. And hey, I am gradually, albeit very slowly, ploughing through the jobs.

    I am also having to re-educate myself to re-learn Time Management. Now that linked to the problem above is an interesting one.  Planning is difficult!  But I am learning how to do it again!  I know a tidy desk is a tidy mind and I try hard to keep organised.

    Time is limited. I have wasted and waste much time. But it appears that what is the now in my life has had to exist.  It is part of the process of why I am where I am now.  It is part of the process where I am trying to make my own decisions and not be influenced or pressured into issues that are not entirely mine own.   I am not someone else. I am not responsible for any one else. I am who I am. I am no one else. If people cannot accept me, respect me and know that I am doing my best then it is none of my problem.  And what is happening in the now is THIS  ... and This is This!

    Facing death is a matter that has really dawned on me since I became 60.  Even though I have sat with relatives who were dying and even though I have been bereaved when friends and children of friends have died,  this important matter has never caused an imprint on me as much as it does today, when I realise that the clock is ticking, that mortality is short-lived, that we are here on this earth by the grace of a God and that pleasure, achievement and kindness should be our only purpose. Increasingly, because of scientific development we hear more and more of people with cancer.

    A humble THANK YOU to Steve Jobs for his research, learning, insight and development of  computer technology and Apple products.

    I thank him for his role in the internet, bringing vision to my ears and helping me in the faltering progressive steps towards my modest fulfilment of dreams.

    Thursday 6 October 2011

    Sand blasting beams within a month of owning my house

    May 2010
    The cost of La Sableuse to be delivered and collected was almost 100 euros, then add hire costs and the many bags of sand. My little Clio with its small remorque would never have managed. In fact the size of this professional machine was scarily impressive.
    A French neighbour remarked that the "sableuse industrielle est pour les specialistes".  Fortunately, my son had worked with these machines before when he removed 25 tons of rust and dirt from his steel vessel. We would not recommend this unless you have a very strong team as it is more than a one man job!

    It was ENORMOUS and made a lot of noise with the extremely loud humming drone of the compressor, its rising tones sounding like a factory signalling the time of the working day, whilst the phwshshshsh of the sand was sucked into tubes and splattered against the beams. Every now and then the pop of the sand eater indicated that it needed to digest more sand. Trickling, tinkling sand sounded against the walls and the glass window panes of the French doors before falling to the floor. (Later we discovered that the glass panes and some of the secondary glazing had been ruined.)
    It was important not to let the sand get into the respiratory system, nor into eyes, nor onto the skin.  Silica sand on skin starts to softly tingle and almost burn. The two men couldn't see through their protective masks because of the cloud of dust which made it dangerously unsafe whilst reaching to the ceiling from the scaffolding. It was a gloriously hot day.  The clouds of sand billowed from the dusty room and silvered the climbing red roses on the outer wall.
    Eventually when everyone felt that the beams were free of the brown lasure it was time to clear the beach!  In the silence we scooped sand into empty sacks as we sang "Oh I do like to be beside the seaside".
    I was proud and in awe of what these two men had achieved. Apart from their own personal satisfaction of a hard job well done, the next most important reward was to wash away the grit in a warm bath, then relax and enjoy a glass of Saumur accompanied by duck with onions, apples and orange in a cognac sauce plus haricots verts beans.

    The job continued the next morning and was completed in time for collection. After pushing the machine along the street it was hoisted by crane onto the lorry! This in itself was a fantastic, regimented procedure.  The French know how to make tasks easy using machines.
    325 kilos of clean sand was blasted into used and dirty sand. A year and more later it is in dry storage waiting to weigh down the fabric around newly planted hedging plants. The grit took several weeks to be eventually vacuumed from nooks and crannies! 


    The beams are now a lighter colour and do not dominate and oppress the room.