I'd been rejected but I was still in love

He says this in his speech - Steve Jobs 2005.

That's how I feel exactly ... but hey ... I love so many people and so many things and even I am beginning to love myself ... passion must be like a fire or a candle - it needs to be kindled so that it can burn brightly before it dies.

Love is a treasure. It is not sacrifice. It is patient and kind. It too has to be kindled and kept alive.

I learn in life that wherever there is a hello there is bound to be a goodbye ... 
who are we to know when our joy and sorrow will arrive.
I am able to laugh and then in almost the self same moment pour forth tears and vice-versa.
It's probably healthier to be somewhere in between.

There are stages in my life when I return to a most beautiful source of wisdom for solace - the book called 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran.  

On Joy and Sorrow  

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine, the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Steve Jobs becomes an icon

I love my Applemac.  It has enabled my creative writing of text and poems and allowed archiving of other written documents.  It has prompted me to improve my neglected photography skills .  It has stimulated me to develop blog and website creation and facilitated research into learning and life by using the internet.  It has helped me to listen to a wide range of music, explore wonderful events, people, places and quite frankly be in touch with so many different subjects in this vast world.  The world is accessible!  In turn other software has allowed me to communicate with others.

The format is easier to use than Windows.  I think that once bitten by a Macbookpro it is difficult not to have one.


I am self taught with the computer.  I just click what's on screen in order to find out what it does and how it works.  For several years I had responsibility for IT development, until wearing so many hats,  having so many responsibilities and unable to keep pace with the pace of time I eventually returned the responsibility to my Senior Manager!  It was frustrating as no sooner had we bought one computer to meet government requirements, the next was necessary and it was a different configuration.  Buying piecemeal was hopelessly uneducational!

On the day of Steve Jobs' death I heard on the news a few words about 'time in our lives' which resonated with what I'd been recently experiencing. I just keyed in those words which had been a snippet of his 2005 speech.  It is so inspirational.  Please take the time to listen to it and or read it.

http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/oct/06/steve-jobs-pancreas-cancer

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/oct/06/steve-jobs-quotes

His words have touched me.

I am a fatalist. I believe that lessons, knowledge, experiences, information, and I don't know what come to the person when needed.  His speech came to me when I needed it. 

I am going through some challenging times in what I think is a transitional period of maturing or growing up and having realisation about life issues that I haven't learned.

I am also trying hard not to waste my time living anyone else's life and it is a struggle keeping to my business and it is a struggle to keep focused on that and to ignore the business of others.

Keeping on my track and not getting derailed onto someone else's track or just derailed completely is a several times daily challenge.

I am having to re-educate myself and do one task at a time so that I am 'on track'.  I used to be able to multi-task. I now realise I was probably very inefficient at what I did. Maybe I was just younger and better at circus tricks!  When the myriad of tasks that have accumulated crowd in on me and I end up trying to do several all at once, or I look at them all and do nothing,  I have to say STOP. Then having STOPPED I have to concentrate very specifically on one thing only, however long it takes, and even though it should take a few seconds, if it takes longer it does not matter. I am doing it. And hey, I am gradually, albeit very slowly, ploughing through the jobs.

I am also having to re-educate myself to re-learn Time Management. Now that linked to the problem above is an interesting one.  Planning is difficult!  But I am learning how to do it again!  I know a tidy desk is a tidy mind and I try hard to keep organised.

Time is limited. I have wasted and waste much time. But it appears that what is the now in my life has had to exist.  It is part of the process of why I am where I am now.  It is part of the process where I am trying to make my own decisions and not be influenced or pressured into issues that are not entirely mine own.   I am not someone else. I am not responsible for any one else. I am who I am. I am no one else. If people cannot accept me, respect me and know that I am doing my best then it is none of my problem.  And what is happening in the now is THIS  ... and This is This!

Facing death is a matter that has really dawned on me since I became 60.  Even though I have sat with relatives who were dying and even though I have been bereaved when friends and children of friends have died,  this important matter has never caused an imprint on me as much as it does today, when I realise that the clock is ticking, that mortality is short-lived, that we are here on this earth by the grace of a God and that pleasure, achievement and kindness should be our only purpose. Increasingly, because of scientific development we hear more and more of people with cancer.

A humble THANK YOU to Steve Jobs for his research, learning, insight and development of  computer technology and Apple products.

I thank him for his role in the internet, bringing vision to my ears and helping me in the faltering progressive steps towards my modest fulfilment of dreams.