Restless at the start

April 30th 2010

 

Once the four brothers and I had signed our names on every page of the Acte de Vente my anxieties were replaced by others but a supportive little bird, held my hand and said "Bravo".  I was so happy,  realizing the importance of this momentous occasion of buying a house in France!  I was not to be restless!  There was to be no more house searching, no more worries about whether a choice or decision is correct, no more money sitting in the bank,  here I was with responsibility creating a whole new stress curve,  just so I could have the security of owning "bricks and mortar" to make a home of my very own. 

My purchase included: 

1. one house with a courtyard and a garden on one plot of land 

2. one garage / stable building with planning permission to convert and extend into a dwelling. 

September 2011
During the last 15 months I've been through a gamut of emotions which are far too difficult to express or even explain.  Colourful it has been!  I'm not sure that I want to delve deeply when it has all been set down and the past is now the past!  
But set down I have been, set down to be in my very own "home" in the present!
 Perhaps it's just not worth the time and energy to try and answer why things are as they are!

This is this and I am lucky to have this as it is.
I am fortunate.

My house and home

On 30th April 2010, I signed for the purchase of my very own property situated in "un plus beaux village de France".  It had been my dream for 7 years since first setting sight on this delightful village and although I had looked at many houses they were always rejected because they were not pretty enough or were without a garden or were without exterior or side windows!
I'd been RestlessinFrance for many years having sold my beautifully renovated 400 year old former English inn, and being Cancerian, needed to have property of my very own.  This is part of my "empire"and I still don't understand why I have it!  I repainted the shutters which were previously brown.

A new story begins of a second new life in France

September 2011 - the approach of Autumn

I can hear the water flowing deeper

in the rippling, rappling river,

amidst the shifting shafts of sunlight sparkling through the bending boughs.

I can feel the brisk, breeze blowing

in my face, hair tingling, tangling 

causing me to shake my head in laughter to see again the view.

I can hear the regular, rhythmic trudge

as I climb the rugged slope,

avoiding rocks and roots of trees for space where feet can be placed.

I can see the change of season

as the browns and greens transform

the track of the leafy, shady arbour where many have walked before.

I can crunch the sharp, black, juicy fruit

of blackberries untouched,

Fronds of fennel, oregano wild and sweet pink marjoram clutched.

I can knock the dark brown walnuts

out of their green protective case,

one stamp and wiggle out nutmeat, to eat as a tasty treat.

I can smell the warmth of history

as I pass the secret garden gate

of a tiny hidden house overhanging forbidden Magdalenian caves.

I can be the buzzard flying

gracefully, regally, high

above the earth-brown, autumn tilled field, eagle eyes searching for prey.

Praise the wind, the sun and earth

for all that it supplies

to give me hope and radiance -  a feast before my eyes.

I can tread these walks of a village I love,

choose a new path every day,

celebrate the gift of life, for tomorrow, we know not come what may.

This is this.

A gift for all my friends.

My reasons for creating this diary and blog

A Life of Enquiry

I'm creating a narrative with regard to owning French property, having purchased a renovation project! As a result I think I am 'growing up' in retirement age. I try to conceal a personal, private story apart from a public story but that which I share, indicates a journey in My Life. I'm confronting life-long behaviour patterns and emotions. Fluctuating levels of sanity or insanity arrive as I strive to correct 'mistakes' and yet these have created who I am. Courage and confidence have to be learned. I try not to seek approval or disapproval. I know who I am when I feel happiness being as free as the wind walking on the beach. No beaches where I live!Since the 1970s without influence I developed my own ideas about the primary classroom and that EDUCATION should instil ENQUIRY. One of the most important gifts for the child is to develop confidence. It is learned. It is vital not to become passive nor aggressive, but to become assertive and express one's opinion. Despite teaching this, I did not learn it! Being proactive to make a decision and choice requires confidence. My parents never encouraged me/ taught me to be confident so I wonder if my own children learned their confidence from their life with me? I definitely tried to impart it to the primary children who were receptive in my classroom but with my own children I think I was more strict!
In my later life I acknowledge that every action, look, word, thought has consequences and that we choose every second of the day what the future will be! My own children seem to have learned this before me and have become self-assured adults. I'm still learning to begin to manage thought and conduct and still I make mistakes. I believe that we have the power to make changes that should not hurt anyone and it is important to be considerate of others. But when sometimes thoughts and feelings are projected onto us, it is more about the person the observations emanate from. It is better to walk away. I try to live by observing the outside-of-me-myself-world and heed my intuition.
I have come to my house to enquire about many things. It asks me to be patient, calm, active and it would like me to be confident and have more courage.
I love my place in France but I miss my home. I enjoy living in one of the most beautiful villages in France but yearn for the beaches, reedbeds, pretty houses, cream scones and Adnams beer of the Suffolk and Norfolk coastlines.
I miss the sound of the sea.
"A home is where a heart is and my heart is in France as well as near the sea and the East Anglian coast. When I love two or more places, I can enjoy being wherever I am, and when I go from one place to the other I can always look forward to going home!"