Feeling less tired and shouldering self responsibiltiy

Possibly it was the after effects of the anaesthesia, morphine and other drugs pumped into the body in early October. Medical invasion for an operation IS a physical assault on the body.  Maybe it was a case of 'too much, too soon' after the operation,  shock to the body and the mind, having to 'get up and do' for the roofers, and that TRAMADOL!!!! The nurse and my son advised me not to take it but strong paracetamol did not cut through the pain AND I needed to sleep, which at first Tramadol helped me to do, then vice versa.  I didn't notice any side effects on the mind whilst taking it, but then I wouldn't, would I, if you were to hear how my dearest son and his wedding guests described / describe me? After a week, once the course of tablets had finished, I recognised  that THAT was when I began to go physically further downhill.
When I went to the GP he must have become alarmed when I described the breathing difficulties and physical symptoms I was experiencing.  My pet elephant was too heavy! (See earlier posting before you consider I have totally lost the plot!)  Before I went to England there was a major (to me) health scare. The blood test indicated a possible pulmonary embolism!  It was a Saturday and the nurse couldn't get in touch with the GP who had said that if it was positive I would NOT be going to England!  After consulting the laboratory, plus the hospital, I was rushed at 4pm to les Urgences (A&E), in an ambulance that the English and French speaking nurse, who I have come to like, ordered.  I know she was following advice from three medical authorities higher than her but I did think it was a tad OTT... plus the scare given to my adult children was unnecessary.  I thought someone ought to know, in case of potential exit from this soil!
The blood test had indicated 550 for something and was over the allowed 500 but in hospital the same test showed 250 or 350 ... I can't remember exactly!
Whilst on the trolley bed I decided to rest and sleep because it would be the best medication I could give to myself.  It was no use worrying!  Que sera sera!  I was calm and prayed. 
At 11pm, I was extremely grateful to be alive and allowed to go home without any signs of a pulmonary embolism.
What made me confused and in a vulnerable position was that the nurse had befriended me and said she would collect me once the diagnosis and treatment had been made but then her phones were disconnected.  Unavailable. There I was, an hour's drive from home, almost midnight, with fortunately my coat, scarf and hat, no money or means of payment for anything, no valuables, no food and water, but with address book and uk mobile. No one that I knew within an hour's driving distance was in a position to collect me (they'd been drinking or children were in bed or didn't have a vehicle or were old and infirm) and therefore there was a 100 euro taxi fare to face. Small price for a 'getmehomequick' ticket!!
Did I need this drama? What does it tell me? What can I learn?
Answer 1: being in France far from family and friends is not the place to be as one gets older and needs support. Fine if one can face it all without a soul present, which presumably is what many a person does as we age. Friends and family die before us or we live far far away.  This scenario happens in England too. Ageing!
Answer 2: never, if one can, go anywhere without adequate "buymeout" funds.

I am learning to grin and bear life so to speak!  
Put on a brave face and laugh at the absurdity of life! 

Just the shoulder now ....
I know that this problem started in June with the wrist needing support and then the upper arm (biceps) started to hurt. I certainly remember in July on a very memorable occasion thinking "o-oh -  be  careful with that!"

• I think it comes from pulling the starter motor cord on the lawnmower.
• I think it comes from years of playing the accordion. That particular shoulder pushes up against the body of the large instrument as I play and whilst the other drops slightly as I stand in almost correct Alexander position - shoulders back!  Its why I love to wear stilettos when I play!
• I think it comes from years of carrying a satchel, hand-bag, computer bag, shopping bags and educational career work bags.
• I think it comes from being weighed down with LIFE, with what has happened here in France and perhaps before that when a good friend would say to me "you're slouching, pull your shoulders back!"
• I think it comes from years of not having mirrors to look into and smile at oneself and say "Hey, stand up straight, be proud of your achievements. Don't beat oneself up!"
• I think it comes from using the Gallic shrug... evidently when I am emotionally affected in a 'couldn't care less' attitude that particular shoulder twitches forwards in a defiant manner! Sometimes people have thought it a funny mannerism! HEY HO!
• Fibromyalgia  (Myalgic Encephamolitis)

I have been BIG this year on Metaphors for the body and lifestyle:
So with this last one:
* Shoulder on.... soldier on.
* I have had an armful...
* Stop carrying the weight of unnecessary baggage...be it, all that stuff in the attic needing to be sorted, all that writing and photos to be produced into a book or books,  all that responsibility for others that now I can let go, all this house and what needs for me to be finished and and and......
* Stop being 'armful to myself and others indirectly.
* Carry that weight with dignity and not sorrow.
* Evidently, repressed anger is stored within shoulder ones and muscles. (I go with that!)
* My arm is stopping me from embracing and accepting what is the truth.... ( I go with that although In Reality in France and Restless in France  have in the last year been facing Truth and accepting it little by little.  THIS IS THIS. THIS IS HOW IT IS.

I need to accept it but I can choose to change the future and how I react to negative people who sometimes affect me badly and deeply... keep away from negative people... and I feel I am one myself and I don't like that... I really want to change the story.
I can choose my own boundaries.
I can choose to reach out my arm using my shoulder blade to a new horizon where positive people, places and events cause me to be content and comfortable. 
I can use my arm to hug myself, be kind to myself as well as to hug others and be kind to them.. if they want!!