Effusive

A very dear friend describes me as effusive, verbose, and that I have outpourings.
Being wordy necessitates declaring emotions.  I am emotional.  My face/body language are easily read to gauge the level of happiness that I have for myself, others or a situation.  
It's how I am and has taken me a lifetime to accept.
I haven't always been able to verbally express myself  because I lacked vocabulary and was afraid of people's reactions and comments. The brain used to clog up!
Hence it is why, I write down thoughts and feelings to get them OUT of my HEAD, where, if they were to stay, confusion would reign. It's better than allowing them to fester inside my head and heart.
Over time, outpourings onto paper appear to bring sense to life or I then forget about the subject!
I am banned from writing overly much to friends and family who often deal with this by ignoring me, in effect silencing me and not writing back! They have sometimes said that I am mad and of course I am working on that!

I write personal STUFF in a journal.  I try to keep one journal book and date the entries/postings.  In the past there have been two or three on the go at the same time and not always dated so if I were to revisit them the chronology would be muddled.   Any reader including myself would be muddled reading the struggles that I vent!!!!! Ho hum!  


Often people have not described who I am or what I am except with reference to the sometimes zany, crazy, off-the-wall behaviour, when often I allowed their words to hurt me.  I can see that it was not their words that hurt but the way that I thought about what they'd said! I have also had lovely comments and sometimes used to cry because I did not know how to receive compliments! Sad!

To be described as verbose, or effusive is perhaps negative but because it identifies HOW I AM,  I see it as positive, supportive and defining.  My expression of  feelings and opinions in script or verbally helps me understand and feel more confident.  It is how I am.