The first and second of twelve

I am beginning to think I shall end this blog...
but I won't,
until I have completed 'the kitchen' in a way that is fulfilling in my senior days!
I think that by then I will WILL be ready for a new life, and, hopefully, by then, in 2016, I will have developed a better sense of Thoughts, Needs, Hopes, Dreams, Regrets, AND moreover what I DO NEED to achieve before I can't.
This has been the red curtain hanging open upon my stage... it's still open and until the day I cannot BE, it isn't yet the final curtain.
I am trying hard to appreciate the difficulties that other persons experience.... and how it must be that HOPE is so hard to think about.
The glass is half or more full in my life despite whatever black dogs haunt me!
It is true that I've felt tired of blog posting, but not tired of being creative, if I can harness a positive stimulus. However, being human, I am proud that I can confront / express emotion without sweeping debris under the rug or into a box to put upon a shelf.  It is  better out than in.  I write for me and not for an audience! I write so that I can begin to understand LIFE as it is doled out ... or as I take whatever I take!

SO... an idea arose on my walk today: 45 minutes trailing The American Way leading to 'La Tranche Anglaise' with the final ascent then descent back to MY HOME. Oh yay, my home. Am I not fortunate to not yet be homeless!  Let's Step back one day to yesterday...

On the first day of Christmas LOVE brought to me:

• a cycle ride along a strait then walking long shallow ascents on the return (TOTAL time : an a hour and a half)
• a reindeer in a tree ( amusing )
• champagne and oysters...eaten in warm sunshine ... all we needed was the beach!  I provided a delicious Lanson Champagne... I am sold!!!
• delicious Christmas flavours, Anglais sur l'assiette.. which isn't what mine host envisaged. As I said to her later, we learn from Christmases we experience. Those who served were instructed to get the food portioned onto the plate before it lost heat! ... the plus side were the wines, the humour and that it was achieved in true French fashion ... eating over six hours with pleasant intervals when various people removed themselves from the table to return at the appropriate moment!  
• the fun and joy of children interacting with adults... 
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  How delightful to see a 4 year old eating more than one!!!!

  

  The beautiful hand made tablecloth from Emmaus for less than ten euros!!!!! 

  
  

  
  

  

  At least 20 plates / dishes of different sizes  portraying Hummingbirds ? Colibris from Emmaus for ten euros!

  

  I do like a boy chicken!

  

  Whilst a modern pudding much like a steamed sultana pudding with a caramel type sauce was interesting I much prefer a real Christmas pud of home made quality but it has been some years since I have had the desire to make one!

and let us step forward to today:
On the second day of Christmas LOVE brought to me:

• a glorious warm spring-like day temperature about 15C!!!!!
• laziness feeling being content...
• a 45 minute walk to my friends' house to find out my holiday duties ...

Trees lopped or felled to provide logs for the owners of the land and to provide a clear view of the mill house!

Le Tranche Anglais - allez -up!

 Indeed - Allez ... up!!!!!!

Christmas 2015: Angles sur L’Anglin

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2015 as I've sent no cards or gifts this year. 

But I DO send a gift of LOVE, CARE, HOPE for better times! 

HOPE that Family and Friends relate kindly!

HOPE that displaced people find safety, warmth, shelter, food, purpose, income and an expression of their own talents, skills and intelligence.

Two Poems: Two birds: Five Photos: Two February months of a French Wintry World

Les Petits Oiseaux: SweetpeainFrance copyright December 2015

I have no photo of a blackbird, no poem of robin.

Yet on my roofs 'des petits oiseaux' stand and sing:

“Bon Noël”- we bring for you “une année heureuse,”

whilst Sweetpea sings Peace for Earth, Sky, Universe

Jewels for a Blackbird, returning summer and spring,

here is my poem to ring ding a ling.

Hope, Health, Happiness – All is Everything.

​Robin February 2015 copyright

Jewels for a Blackbird: SweetpeainFrance  copyright February 2012

Today I was singing and dancing 
as I stepped through the snowy hedged woodland 
where the angled branches of the trees criss-crossed each other 
as the patterns highlighted by white snow

rested on the tops of the lines of the branches. 

I had no camera. 

Today I was singing and dancing 
along the snow-packed lane feeling the joy of living 
to witness such regal majesty

of the wintry phenomena of frozen water 
and the prints imprinted of animals, humans, wheeled vehicles,

skis and toboggans; 
all had been there before me with tracks to places known and unknown. 

Today I was singing and dancing 
to let the bright light into my eyes and heart 
and let it make me tired and content.

Today I was singing and dancing

as blackbird hungrily ate the beautiful red jewelled pendants

hanging in a garden not far from the river.  

Jewels for a blackbird.  Will he sing and dance for me?

​The Chateau Angles sur L'Anglin: February 2015 

The End of the End of Year Message! 

Roof 1 Oiseau 1

Best wishes for 2016 

Roof 2 Oiseau 2

Ice and Frost

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-17102918

When I go to this link to look at the ice that is breaking up on the Danube in Serbia it makes me feel so lucky that here in France we only experienced the tip of the iceberg!
Boats, businesses, leisure opportunities, people, animals, damaged, devastated, died, survived...and now the cost!
It's amazingly hostile and terrible, yet so beautiful and wonderful.
Nature has a way of making us come to terms with the earth we live upon.

Daffodils frozen in time are still in flower under bubble wrap.
Today, they breathed as they raised their tiny, yellow faces towards the clear, sky-blue sky in the warm sunshine.
But I put them to bed again as another night of frost is forecast.
Daffodils at the bottom of the page of this link.

Iced icicle - the pointing hand

An icicle grows: Click on a photo to enlarge.

The long arm

The Pointed Fingers on the Hand of the Arm.

Transmutation again.

And look how the heavy hanging arm has dragged the guttering down!

It was 130cm long before it grounded itself in the thaw of 13th February. Lucky for some that no one was beneath it.

Iced Water

Firstly photos of the river frozen: Click on a photo to enlarge.

 A rare view of an ice laden river below the chateau.

The best that one can do

I'm doing the best that I can:
with exterior morning temperature more than -9C with a 'feels like' -14C according to the metéo locale.  My brand new mercurial thermometer is below the -12C that it shows.
The indoor bedroom temperature is at +9C.
The door is open to another room where the woodburner has almost no red glow and there it is +11C.   The next room, the kitchen has +7C.
Outside in the Municipal where I put the electricity heater on to protect the toilet and water pipes from freezing as they nearly did..... it is +13C... not quite warm enough to have a shower but if I were to put the more powerful electrical radiator on perhaps it would be warmer over there!   I will measure that another time.
I have to confess that last night I slept with all my layers of clothes on minus coat and scarves, with abandonment of the hat at some time... accompanied by two hot water bottles and with three efficient duvets, feeling cold at 6am but getting up at 7am.  All I had to do on waking was to just put coat, hat and scarves on and I was ready for the day, to light the fire and try to get warm.  Star jumps are brilliant for raising the body temperature as also is playing the piano.
I never trusted the digital thermometer. My friend and I had three between us and last year we did a quality control on them. They all read differently both for the interior and exterior communication between digital technology.  Back to ancient barometers and thermometers it is!
So glad I bought this small device yesterday. It is comforting to know. Where I used to live previous to this house, I used to have the horrors in similar extreme weather conditions when I went to the wetroom or bathroom because both rooms were often less than +10C. One made a quick visit to return to the splendour of the 'too hot living room' where the woodburner warmed the room better than toast and where I felt claustrophobia.  I can't complain! We did the best that we could.
I've read that gas connectors can get frozen up so I don't know if that is the case or that I have run out of gas in the cylinder for the gas hob. I have read that it is best not to touch it if at all uncertain. So am I suffering unnecessarily? I am not suffering for I have the electric oven which also has a grill.    So the day before yesterday I put the all-metal frying pan under the grill... warmed up the oil, cracked in the eggs, splashed over the oil, and popped it back under the grill and in a jiffy I had fried eggs (instead of an omelette that I wished for) and wedge potatoes (previously cooked) instead of my chips.
Today I popped about 8 small potatoes in the oven whilst I went to La Presse..... where le monsieur has a shop selling newspapers, magazines, food, postal items, and a bar where he needs to be trained that I like HOT chocolate drink, and trained that I like VERY HOT chocolate drink, and after that with a bar of crunchie chocolate bar, I had a coffee and I sat by the fire and read in French the book I purchased which has the definitive historical guide about my village. A pleasant read for almost an hour... where some old boys came in for the apero before lunch plus an Englishman I've seen before who speaks impeccable French. I only knew he was English because he let slip a few English words with English accent. Here I was, the old girl, sitting by the café-bar fireside, with my Haute-Savoie / Nepalese red hat with flowery tassels and my black woollen coat and my brown silk and woollen scarf over all the rest of my attire.
So here I am... doing the best that one can!
And over there, wherever you are .... you, he, she, they are doing the best that they can.
It is all anyone can ever do.
To be truthful to who we are.
I am trying so hard not to tell lies, not even to my self.
I received someone's irritation and more today, but it was really about someone else and yet it was projected on to me.  Later I heard someone else's anger, but not at me, not about me, however, in that context I could help the person because the 'she' was able to do anger management control whereas the 'he' lets it damage himself and everyone and everything that comes in his path. Shame.
As far as I know, I don't get angry anymore and yet I know that in the past I have been angry with my SELF and my family and even my best soulmate.
NOW that I am older and distanced from being a parent and a grandparent because they are far from me, I realise that some of the anger I had was borne out of frustration, having very little constructive and positive ME time, though there were times when I was alone. Usually it was consumed by work or study or poor relationships and having few, if any, people to advise me, support me in a proactive manner. My cousin was always supportive even in the direst of emergencies. She would bring the medicinal Armagnac, give me one small dose, sometimes two, a hug, wise words and disappear to her own family.  I had a female friend who took the children to give me space.  I have regrets but they have to be released. I was responsible then for my sometimes poor parenting as well as for my good parenting but I am not responsible now for them.  I think my children do not hold it against me.  I did the best that I could.
What is the purpose  of causing pain to one self?  One would not wish to hurt another person so why get angry with anyone or the SELF?

Oh how I loved them and still do. Great for dancing and getting warm!
Paul is doing the best that he can!

Jewels for a Blackbird

Observations

I've watched the blackbird hungrily eating these beautiful pendants hanging in a garden not far from the river.  
I had a robin to help, scuttling in the borders of the courtyard when the birdseed was under several centimetres of snow, here more sheltered than in the back garden.
There is a miniature cave of bubble wrap over my bright red Camelia which was in flower shortly before the North Wind brought its gift of snow and ice.  
A cosy cave of bubble wrap where the wind has whipped it adrift and the darling little fluffedupballofredwhitegrey was sheltered in there saying "Hey feed me" as I peered out of the kitchen window. 
Blackbird, robin, blue-tit and long-tailed tit have been seen visiting my garden.  

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Today I was singing and dancing 
as I stepped through the snowy hedged woodland 
where the angled branches of the trees criss-crossed each other 
as the pattern was highlighted by the white snow resting on the tops of the lines of the branches. 
I had no camera. 
Today I was singing and dancing 
along the snowpacted lane feeling the joy of living 
to witness such regal majesty of the wintry phenomena of frozen water 
and the prints imprinted of animals, humans, wheeled vehicles, skis and tobaggons; 
all had been there before before me with tracks to places known and unknown. 
Today I was singing and dancing 
to let the bright light into my eyes and heart 
and let it make me tired and content.

Snow Chateau

It's earlyish in the morning and I love the way the light has affected my photo when I have not changed the settings.

The red car enhances the chateau in the snow.

My street  05-01-2012 4pm

Ice by the river bank near the weir.

compared to the swollen river 6 weeks ago.

Fire and Ice

I woke up this morning, eager for the day, 

things to do and happy to say

that I am burning almost the last log of 5 steres.

Ho hum.

The winter has been mild and 'we', the 'Royal we', made savings 

and now pay for it later.  

It is the Law of Life. 

I complain not,  until,  I view my other woodburner
which at about 11pm last night I lit to warm up the icy rooms where lie oak parquet.  

Trees stand in winter so why did I do that when I am not there and cannot afford this year to keep the two fires alight night and day.  

It is an L shaped house - ground floor only - a veritable bungalow
with two large cavernous empty attics.  

Digression! 

On the hearth is a brown liquid which stops before it spills over the edge. 

 Behind the dead fire is evidence that treacly stuff has gone below the glass.  

I have emailed the Monsieur and sent photos but no reply. It is Saturday.  Monday I am sure they are closed. Tuesday I will be calling in! Monday I will call my insurance company. 

I cannot understand. 

Only two weeks ago the fire was blazing for a good 12 hours
and le chaleur was impressionant a mes amis. 

Pourquoi ????? For what indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am concerned that I shall only feel secure if the whole job is refait!

          Meanwhile just outside the door of the same room hangs an icicle.  My very own! 

LANGUAGE:

le chaleur = the heat or warmth
impressionnant = impressive
Le travail devra être refait  = The work will have to be redone.

Wrapped up well - a sort of poem

Wrapped up well

Walking down the lane

Freezing air shock to respiratory system

Struggling to keep an even pattern

Breathing natural replacement of oxygen

Striving to breath correctly in through nose, out through mouth.

Steaming spectacles

Worn to prevent wind whipping into eyes

Doesn’t stop streaming tear glands

Like an old biddy.

Move arms as well as legs to keep warm.

Take hand out of glove to press a button for a photo.

Immediately fingers and thumbs are nipped.

Quickly enter glove again.

Move legs in a specific stride.

Regain a rhythm, an unconscious achievement.

After a while breathing becomes natural.
Doesn’t require concentration.
 

The body feels no cold

even though wind cuts like a knife on ice on the forehead,

the only skin exposed under a hat

scarves wrapped around neck, nose and mouth.

 

Study the tractor in the field

Using to advantage the frozen ground

Dig the bucket under the mighty rock

To and fro he works at it from all sides

slowly exposing it from the earth into the trailer.

Farmers see advantage in all weathers.

It makes me happy.

Wend my way into wind with lengthening shadows before me.

Turn at the junction.  
Head back

with sun before me now shining warmly on my face 

as robin flutters overhead in the branches of a tree.

Jewelled beads of ice shimmer in hedgerow skeletons.

Look at a little old lady in a purple coat and white hat.

Oh, am I like that
in my black snowman’s outfit?

Wrapped up warm, 
many layers,

breathing in the freshness from Siberia,

Happy to not be there.

Happy to be here.

Winter Parts - a prosepoem

Winter Parts

PART ONE

Wrap up well my mother said

as I ventured into sub-zero temperature

for a walk.

There's no work on my house.

PART TWO

Last year the diary said

there was ice on the roads

after skidding up the hill.

There was no work on my house.

Sat in the cold and the sunshine warm
of the lightest room of the darkest house

hey a bit like today
did the finance in a room with light daylight
and electric light

whilst the woodburner glows bright.

Last year we were glad to return

because next day news

reported

hospitals

patiently healing traffic accident patients.

PART THREE

Keep the log fires burning said my friend

churning out heat

requires careful observation
listen to the moment to add a next log

before embers crash

into ash

and flames die.

PART FOUR

Last year today

I finished a book entitled

The Suckers Kiss

then got depressed.

This year today

I finished a book entitled

Notes from Walnut Tree Farm
Roger Deakin

Printed posthumously.
I didn't get depressed. 

Sobbed

is not the word

as I once stood dumbstruck

in a Southwold bookshop

as Wildwood told me news
that he had died quite sadly
before his time.
I never knew.
A wonderful kind and gentle man
funny and serious
interested in the natural existence
of worldly things.

PART FIVE

Today I am happy

Delighted to know the snow

Is helping trees plants and humans

Shed germs and diseases.

Pleased to see jewelled ice beads

Clinging to twigs

Sparkling magically in sunlight.

Laughing at absurdities

Which are necessary learning tools.

Smiling at realisation

Feeling the key of why I can love so many people and so many things,
even those who do me wrong.

I love the snow: it does not love me but it matters not.

I love my hot water bottle: it does not love me but it matters not.

I love my cat and she loves me but it matters not.

I love my friends and family in ways they do not know

It is not for them.
They love me but

They do not have to love me for I love myself,

better than I did before.

My love is my love:

It is not for others. Need not be reciprocated.

This is what is making me feel so happy!
Now I understand. 
There's no work on my house but there's work in my head.

 

Winter sweeps ' la quotidienne'

How wonderful to see 'la neige'.

 The daffodils in bloom since New Year are now covered with bubble wrap!

The sky!

LANGUAGE:
la quotidienne = the routines of daily life.
I could have said "la vie" meaning life or "la vie de tous les jours = daily life
la neige   = (easy one) the snow