Phew! Nearly at the end....never to be repeated...

Well... what a blur was the year that was!   To sum up:
January - worked indoors on floor and walls, whilst wintry snow challenged warmth and progress on bedroom, other windows and doors until May when a close encounter with tarmac caused me to wake up and FACE the grim reaper who did not succeed! That was lucky! Summer arrived as I wrote copious letters for the insurance company. Badinter's Law came to the rescue but I'm still awaiting the final outcome. Maybe all will wake up again in 2014. Other interesting experiences occurred whilst helping 'a friend', then another friend shared unexpected joy and sunshine whilst camping and cycling on the Ile de Ré followed by a trek to UK for family celebrations and the longest distance walking I have ever done.  August arrived with mixed weather where sunny days allowed cycling, walking, gardening, painting and in September not only did I get to revisit Ile de Ré, this time by myself but also Cornwall was an unexpected gift for cycling and camping. Fantastic! October removed bunion number 2 and the hat of my house.  November was rather a shaky start as I learned to walk again and sighed relief when the roof was finished to my greatest pleasure.  I booked a flight to UK not thinking whether the foot would walk or drive.  It had to work. JUST IN TIME it passed the test!  December was a reunion with friends and family in various places, culminating in meeting someone from 40 years ago.  It was as if there had been no years intervening except we are somewhat more grey!  The year has had some lovely moments and recent mild weather is kind!   It ends.  I am optimistic for a better year.
I wish you all peace at the end of the year and peace to come. 

I will leave with the lyrics from Kashmir by Led Zeppelin:

Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen
They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed.
Talk and song from tongues of lilting grace,whose sounds caress my ear,But not a word I heard could I relate, the story was quite clear, Oh, oh, Oh, I been flying... mama, there aint no denyin'
Ive been flying, aint no denyin', no denyin'

All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground
And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land
Trying to find, trying to find where I've been.
Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream, Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My shangri-la beneath the summer moon, I will return again,
Sure as the dust that floats high in June, when movin' through Kashmir.
Oh, father of the four winds, fill my sails, across the sea of years
With no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear. Ohh.

When I'm on, when I'm on my way, yeah
When I see, when I see the way, you stay-yeahOoh, yeah-yeah, 
ooh, yeah-yeah, when I'm down...
Ooh, yeah-yeah, ooh, yeah-yeah, well I'm down, so down
Ooh, my baby, ooooh, my baby, let me take you there,Let me take you there,let me take you there.

LOVELY....one day I'll go there!!! to Kashmir!!!!! my 2014 dream! 

The day after Christmas Day

The 'meanings' of Christmas and the 'meanings' of Pagan winter elements are sometimes lost with the continuing rise of consumerism and capitalism.  I once worked in a Catholic environment when initially, I was an atheist I'm not sure they knew that as they were desperate to have a pianist!
I believed I'd been sent there for a reason.  It lasted for 23 years. I worked hard to maintain the Catholic ethos, in which I almost converted to the Faith!  Work and Life was wonderful to begin with (I was saved )and then life became increasingly full of unsatisfactory experiences.  I was found "wanting" under my own and of the school's enormous stress, needing to learn further lessons in life. I left in ill-health. The school took at least another 5 years to recuperate it's own illness.  For whatever reason, certainly without preaching, I quote the Eight Beatitudes. I simply wish to remind myself of the struggles of humanity.

1. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
2. Blessed are the meek, for they shall possess the earth.
3. Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
4. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice, for they shall be satisfied.
5. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
6. Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God.
7. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God
8. Blessed are they who suffer persecution for justice' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I believe that whatever we sow, so shall we reap...therefore with knowledge, wisdom, insight, and with much more to learn...I am imperfect...May we all be blessed with finding a solution to our struggles...

Gaudate et Joyeux Noel 2013

Joyeux Noël with my favourite photo of the village chateau first published Christmas 2012

Restless in France wishes everyone

 a very festive twelve days of Christmastide

with Peace, Joy, Hope, Patience and Charity, good health and happiness.

May you spend happy, restful moments with family and or friends or even alone if that is the case.

Gaudate

ADDENDUM: at almost 10am Christmas Day, I count my blessings whilst feeling sad for all those in UK who have flooded homes and are without power. None of us are immune from natural disaster. I expect the price of heating and lighting will soar even more. Ah who was it who said HUMBUG?

Christmas Eve with Queen

 

 What could Santa bring this Christmas Eve...

for her Christmas stocking?  

Tangerine chocolate dreams, a mince pie, Armagnac, music, dancing and laughter.....
if I am sensible............... 

and if not, then that would be telling.......!
 Today there was indulgement ....
to queue for long minutes at Les Halles, an indoor food market at Chatellerault, because I love the fish stall, where the queue went around two corners whilst other fish stalls had few customers!!
and where there is one particular butcher that serves wonderful beef.
 I bought lots of yummy things which should last without shopping for at least a couple of weeks.
At the supermarket the car was filled with petrol.
I did rather baulk at the half crab I bought, thinking it was dressed...
then having to prepare it myself for Christmas Evening Supper.

 

Silver Angel

Silver Angel by the River Anglin 2008

Looking back to snowy weather!

January 2013 Angles sur L'Anglin

An electric log splitter

This is for 'puppyfur' who has made an enquiry with regard to an elecric logsplitter.
In France it is called un fendeur / une fendeuse!
I bought mine from Bricomarche and it has been worth the expense even though sometimes I curse it!
It needs two hands for safety: a thumb on the right hand presses the button and the left hand depresses the handle... both at the same time.
I forget how many tons of force it is supposed to create on the log. It is fierce and not completely safe if a log falls off and lands on one's toes so get ready to leap backwards or to one side and mind your fingers too!
Plug the machine into a power source with space around it,  especially for logs to leap forward as they split. If the wood is dry they seem to pop very quickly!  If the wood is knotty then the log won't split and gets jarred onto the wedge so then you need a large metal lever to bash it back off the wedge!  Experimenting with a log to find where it will split can be a bit of a challenge!  I use my machine on the ground... but some people put it on a table... either way you have to lift the logs!!!! The machine is heavy and unwieldy. I also fill the distance between the part that pushes the log and the actual log with a squared section of part of a log which if you are patient will get made!!!! Then the pusher doesn't have to travel so far!
My logs are one metre lengths which arrive at my house cut into thirds. I could do with a merlin or axe-like thingy which I used to use to split logs in my younger days but I don't have the muscle to lift my arms and it high above my head with legs astride and thwack it safely down to see that satisfying split of ancient wood!  Neither can I wield a chainsaw, nor would wish to!  I could do with a set of muscles to help me!

Feeling less tired and shouldering self responsibiltiy

Possibly it was the after effects of the anaesthesia, morphine and other drugs pumped into the body in early October. Medical invasion for an operation IS a physical assault on the body.  Maybe it was a case of 'too much, too soon' after the operation,  shock to the body and the mind, having to 'get up and do' for the roofers, and that TRAMADOL!!!! The nurse and my son advised me not to take it but strong paracetamol did not cut through the pain AND I needed to sleep, which at first Tramadol helped me to do, then vice versa.  I didn't notice any side effects on the mind whilst taking it, but then I wouldn't, would I, if you were to hear how my dearest son and his wedding guests described / describe me? After a week, once the course of tablets had finished, I recognised  that THAT was when I began to go physically further downhill.
When I went to the GP he must have become alarmed when I described the breathing difficulties and physical symptoms I was experiencing.  My pet elephant was too heavy! (See earlier posting before you consider I have totally lost the plot!)  Before I went to England there was a major (to me) health scare. The blood test indicated a possible pulmonary embolism!  It was a Saturday and the nurse couldn't get in touch with the GP who had said that if it was positive I would NOT be going to England!  After consulting the laboratory, plus the hospital, I was rushed at 4pm to les Urgences (A&E), in an ambulance that the English and French speaking nurse, who I have come to like, ordered.  I know she was following advice from three medical authorities higher than her but I did think it was a tad OTT... plus the scare given to my adult children was unnecessary.  I thought someone ought to know, in case of potential exit from this soil!
The blood test had indicated 550 for something and was over the allowed 500 but in hospital the same test showed 250 or 350 ... I can't remember exactly!
Whilst on the trolley bed I decided to rest and sleep because it would be the best medication I could give to myself.  It was no use worrying!  Que sera sera!  I was calm and prayed. 
At 11pm, I was extremely grateful to be alive and allowed to go home without any signs of a pulmonary embolism.
What made me confused and in a vulnerable position was that the nurse had befriended me and said she would collect me once the diagnosis and treatment had been made but then her phones were disconnected.  Unavailable. There I was, an hour's drive from home, almost midnight, with fortunately my coat, scarf and hat, no money or means of payment for anything, no valuables, no food and water, but with address book and uk mobile. No one that I knew within an hour's driving distance was in a position to collect me (they'd been drinking or children were in bed or didn't have a vehicle or were old and infirm) and therefore there was a 100 euro taxi fare to face. Small price for a 'getmehomequick' ticket!!
Did I need this drama? What does it tell me? What can I learn?
Answer 1: being in France far from family and friends is not the place to be as one gets older and needs support. Fine if one can face it all without a soul present, which presumably is what many a person does as we age. Friends and family die before us or we live far far away.  This scenario happens in England too. Ageing!
Answer 2: never, if one can, go anywhere without adequate "buymeout" funds.

I am learning to grin and bear life so to speak!  
Put on a brave face and laugh at the absurdity of life! 

Just the shoulder now ....
I know that this problem started in June with the wrist needing support and then the upper arm (biceps) started to hurt. I certainly remember in July on a very memorable occasion thinking "o-oh -  be  careful with that!"

• I think it comes from pulling the starter motor cord on the lawnmower.
• I think it comes from years of playing the accordion. That particular shoulder pushes up against the body of the large instrument as I play and whilst the other drops slightly as I stand in almost correct Alexander position - shoulders back!  Its why I love to wear stilettos when I play!
• I think it comes from years of carrying a satchel, hand-bag, computer bag, shopping bags and educational career work bags.
• I think it comes from being weighed down with LIFE, with what has happened here in France and perhaps before that when a good friend would say to me "you're slouching, pull your shoulders back!"
• I think it comes from years of not having mirrors to look into and smile at oneself and say "Hey, stand up straight, be proud of your achievements. Don't beat oneself up!"
• I think it comes from using the Gallic shrug... evidently when I am emotionally affected in a 'couldn't care less' attitude that particular shoulder twitches forwards in a defiant manner! Sometimes people have thought it a funny mannerism! HEY HO!
• Fibromyalgia  (Myalgic Encephamolitis)

I have been BIG this year on Metaphors for the body and lifestyle:
So with this last one:
* Shoulder on.... soldier on.
* I have had an armful...
* Stop carrying the weight of unnecessary baggage...be it, all that stuff in the attic needing to be sorted, all that writing and photos to be produced into a book or books,  all that responsibility for others that now I can let go, all this house and what needs for me to be finished and and and......
* Stop being 'armful to myself and others indirectly.
* Carry that weight with dignity and not sorrow.
* Evidently, repressed anger is stored within shoulder ones and muscles. (I go with that!)
* My arm is stopping me from embracing and accepting what is the truth.... ( I go with that although In Reality in France and Restless in France  have in the last year been facing Truth and accepting it little by little.  THIS IS THIS. THIS IS HOW IT IS.

I need to accept it but I can choose to change the future and how I react to negative people who sometimes affect me badly and deeply... keep away from negative people... and I feel I am one myself and I don't like that... I really want to change the story.
I can choose my own boundaries.
I can choose to reach out my arm using my shoulder blade to a new horizon where positive people, places and events cause me to be content and comfortable. 
I can use my arm to hug myself, be kind to myself as well as to hug others and be kind to them.. if they want!!

Diary entry for 18th December

It's now Friday 20th December evening and I am listening to Handel's Messiah.

Thanks to Google I can do a back posting just to confuse any of you who are reading these scripts! 

Wednesday December 18^th 2013 - 12 noon

It’s a new day and am I reeling or not?

Returning from three weeks in English highly centrally-heated internal living environments to an 8 degree room environment yesterday evening, I was grateful for the rising temperatures of 10 degrees and a tatch by the following midday 

Yes, I have enjoyed coming back to my house. 

With silence about me unless I turn on the radio, the thoughts stream in about the last three weeks, the people I have met, the experiences I have had, the opportunities missed, the unexpected and the expected events and emotions.

A walk to the boulangerie ensures that I speak to someone. My housebound neighbour’s daughter exclaims that I have been away a long time.  The high-pitched elderly man who lives in my street further towards the village gathers info that I've been to England to be with family. Villagers love a little gossip and intrigue about a single, elderly, (I'm only 60 something!) English female and what is she doing in this village far from her family and friends…. And well may they speculate for it is the never-ending question that I ask myself again when I climb the slope in my French street, marvelling at what goes on and why on earth I have spent so much on a roof ( hear the expletives!!!) and a house ( it's all mine and house rentals throughout my life would have amounted to the same!!!) when I can’t spend that on a vehicle or grand piano or travelling!

Oh oh oh!!!!

Where am I? Part Two

Safely in France, having escaped to England for three weeks!

I walked today and appreciated the quiet landscape.
The patron of "Les Belles Toitures" arrived unexpectedly and not knowing I had returned was showing off my roof to his supplier. He has now been fully paid!  
I highly recommend this company.
I love my roof.  Although I have empty pockets, the pleasure my new roof gives is enormous when I look up to the little bird and when the little bird looks down on me!

My visit to England was eventful in very many ways which I can and cannot report here in public.
Fortunately, the computer issues were corrected after at least 8 hours in the Apple Store over 5 appointments with no charge. Now it seems to run differently. Gmail and everything seems altered!

Flights and National Express were challenging with 10kg of techy baggage!  At the airport, I didn't realise the differences between parking charges of French airports in this region as I had not fully done research, but luckily managed to get the fee halved by initiative!  Hiring a car in England was difficult as one arrives and the questions and costs mount. Nothing is transparent in the world of commerce.  I passed the tests and was given the responsibility to drive about 400 miles in the car... a Fiat, but it wasn't small!

I met a very dear friend from over 30 years ago!  Sadly, I couldn't see several people that I planned to see and wanted / needed to see. I did see others unexpectedly and that was great fun. Though when my cousin's daughter arrived at my cousin's house as she had been evacuated with the FLOOD ALERT, that was not amusing.  It seems her little abode was safe. The sea was a hungry brown dog between tidal surges and has torn savagely at the east coast.

I did see my son but his timetable spun mine topsy-turvy so that I saw more of my daughter and grand daughter which pleased me.  Daughter and her friends who are parents of the school are having incomprehensible problems at my grand-daughters primary school, but no, I can't mention the name of the school, YET.... but dearly would like to!!! I yearn to report how they treat parents !!!!

I stayed on my son's boat but strong winds turned the turbine almost non stop in order to generate electricity for the boat. Sound magnified down the funnel shouting at my ears and mind perhaps like the tramontaine.  The steel tug acted as a sound box.  Now, I really don't need to be driven more crazy!  It didn't stop raining on the south coast for several days whilst I was there whereas when I was in East Anglia there was no rain at all! Cooped up and living without side windows is not for me!!!! and I don't really understand why it is for him, except that madness clearly runs in the family blood!

I went dressed for winter but it was mild in the home country!
N.B. 10 mm of rain fell in my absence then 18mm on my second night back at home.

Where am I? Part One

Exploring a different kind of rest and restoration.
I'm feeling stress free at last!!! Most probably there will be a run of new posts soon.
My computer has been repaired. It was a Multiple Volumes issue therefore not needing a new internal hard drive. PHEW!!!  The lovely Apple Store were excellent service and after many many hours corrected the iPhoto libraries issues so now all my photos (60,000 +) are in one place, ready for the mammoth cull and reorganisation.....because and I don't know how it has happened but there are often several copies of one photo!!! Now I can find photos going back to 2008 and before!
As if I haven't enough to do!!!! Serves me right for being so clicky happy!!!
I will return to posting soon.
PS. Now that I have started using the laptop again as opposed to the mini ipad the machine seems very slow and that rainbow wheel keeps spinning.
Must delete delete but when!!!???