Passion Ate Self Pity

in the absence
of further renovation projects beyond a dream,
and
in the absence
of exciting adventures beyond a horizon,
i drift into adventures of the mind,
to consider in the looking glass
what passion stirs behind,
within the brain.
i listen to what the walrus had to say
when he suggested
"the time has come to talk of many things".

Without procrastination
he tackled the task in hand
to demonstrate
passion-ate!
copyright RestlessinFrance

I like to play with words and talk of many things!

One of my passions is attempting to play Chopin Nocturnes.  I can reasonably play four and others are being learned. That is the task in hand for 2014. Recently, I've taken to listening to and playing along with the Great Masters on You Tube. OK I can't keep up the speed of the central section of opus 15 number 1 - the right hand fingers need greater flexibility!  A friend gave me an old CD player which skips a beat...I skipped a beat when he offered it to me...but jacked into my laptop it can sure belt out the volume, which means I can hear the music at the same time as playing my piano!

Another passion is cooking but cooking for one has become uninspired.  I've gathered all my cookbooks together and am aghast at how many I have in various states of 'used' or 'unused'.  I ought to start reading them to gain inspiration. Once upon a time ago I made all my Indian savouries and desserts from single ingredients. We didn't have Pataks in those days! Maybe I would like to start making pasta. Several birthdays have gone by without receiving a pasta machine and they're not expensive so just maybe.. perhaps..I could have a reward a little later on! Indonesian food appeals too. I love Wagamama's. Maybe a focus on terrines or tarts... mmmmm.....

Another passion is writing... I do a lot of that.  It has been emotional outpouring but now self-pity has been washed away...almost drowned in fact ... it'd better not re-surface or it'll need another shove under! And yet...emotional outpouring has created quite a few story scripts and poetry efforts...and a friend who read them made complimentary remarks. Oh arrogance, get thee gone!
I KNOW I want to collate all the scribings I have in various places into some kind of literary presentation .. for me .. not for anyone else in particular...except maybe....

It isn't a Passion but I am currently choosing to solve various issues / matters that have flawed and floored me, that require literary effort, mathematical skills and social negotiating skills, not that I have many, and those that I did have are rather rusty!  At last the brain is beginning to work again and even shows signs of motivation and discipline. It's jolly hard work to keep on task and every now and then I nag myself to get back to it. Sometimes I've lost what I am looking for or I go to a room and can't remember why I am there.. so I stand calmly, track back and quickly remember! Self-discipline is hard to find.

The admin for the velo accident is ongoing. I must solve the annuity problem and how to access hard cash to do what I want to do. I need a job!!!!!! I have a job in the wings ...  it's called  "clear stuff in attic" "get a grip on mysteries of ebay/paypal"... generate funds for travel, which I yearn for like I yearn for Passion.  If I can't do it this year then the plan is to start to organise thoughts and resources for the following year.  SMALL STEPS! I consider this to be positive and not procrastination!
I am reading books. No, not the electronic ones! Often I can be quite a slow reader in that I don't always want to read, but when I find a good book I get a bit obsessed and then will read long hours into the night.

I've decided to make postings about books.

Despite such nuisances as medical matters, the feet work very well!!!! BUT now ohhhhhhhh and ahhhhhhh - my arms have become very painful!!!!  Woops... is that self pity?

AND to end, because I have just found it ....about two years ago a very dear friend, a wonderful teacher and mentor, wrote such very wise words: 

"you probably need a new focus, something to really engage with & apply yourself to, to allow your natural self to re-emerge & flourish. It’s about self-expression. You have your musical talent…use it. You are a thinker and a communicator...do it. You can move mountains...do it. But not just for yourself, and not house renovation! Unpaid coaching, mentoring, volunteering, advocacy, committees, group activities…family."