DAY 7: Lockdown in France

Monday 23rd March 2020
I started about 10h working for about 30 minutes or so, resting likewise,  a little anxious when legs felt wobbly, infrequent compared to past years, or when, in the afternoon mild anger or resentment arose with tears momentarily pouring forth.
There is conflict, pain and non understanding in my mind for what could have been and isn't.
The Nature of Psychology, People & Living!

There was the inverse sentiment of JOY for being outdoors, ignoring indoor tasks.
Those indoor tasks are more difficult and too challenging when I need a kick up the butt to get them done. I would feel better if I took the bull by the horns. I am the bull. Actually, I am the Cancerian crab scuttling to and fro!

The sentiments are of feeling proud at the physical challenge which I could not complete last year or the years before, when then, I had to stop every minute or 5 or 10,  when the mind wandered to what I had to do elsewhere and go get it done before I forgot.   I was neither mindful or able in mind or body to do the simplest of gardening or domestic tasks, preferring to wait for the gardener to help with the land management.  In the house it mostly required a huge elephantine force.  Sometimes though when I was forced to work as with an imminent Airbnb booking a huge rush of energy would prevail and people would be surprised at how fast I moved.

I like being outdoors BUT indoor tasks need motivation and determination.

Now... is my happy moment - Time to Be.

Time when I need not anticipate to go anywhere,  nor hope for anyone to arrive, not that few do.

There are Imposed Restrictions.

 It is strange that when there were no imposed restrictions, I wasn't happy to see no one and wasn't happy to not go places, when I longed to be travelling and envied those who could and were.

So I feel as if I am brought a kind of contentment  ...
mostly during the day because at night, anxiety wakes me from slumber.

I've been digging, forking, weeding, pruning, writing,  typing.
The ability to wander around the mowed, but needing to be mowed 25m2 or more grasslan is 'work pleasure'.  I problem solve for the mounting volume of pulled weeds ,as I don't like to see garden waste and as far as I know I cannot get to the decheterie.  So it's now on black plastic sheet on the one quarter of veggie plot that I had mowed over, hoping not to cultivate.

By 15h I had forked and weeded half the 25m length of rose bed having previously pulled. by hand much of the very long grass variety and weeds as I could. At 17h I stopped with another 6 metres to do.

Later, I listened to the cuckoo in stronger voice.