Monday 29 February 2016
Sunday 28 February 2016
The flurry did not stay
About a week ago, with colder temperatures turning rain into a colder form, there was the first flurry of snow in my garden. I couldn't capture the fact that the large snowflakes were like giant white v shaped wasps coming into land or miniature white geese landing. My imagination saw that as I stared into the white blur! This part of my rose and lavender had only a day or two before been weeded of grass growing in the wrong place!
Saturday 27 February 2016
Cakes and ill health but now I am betterererer
The recent E-coli UT infection, which I believe I have had for six months, trying to cure naturally, prevented me from going to the CCC. Damn it!
My first cake baked in my newly second hand oven was not the "Love is in the air" themed planned recipe. HOWEVER I will make it for the next guest! That'll be a laugh!!!!!!!! (in-joke!)
My first cake baked in my splendid gifted but paid for oven was a Lemon Drizzle cake without icing to share with my friend who likes low sugar products and hardly eats cakes. I wanted and needed to bake once that course of antibiotics had given me more energy by hopefully wiping out the infection. I am being monitored!
So... cake it was ... butter, sugar, 4 eggs, ground almonds and hazelnuts, maize flour, (the recipe said cornmeal and I got that wrong thankfully!!!) drenched in lemon zest and juice.. nice with freshly sliced pear...improving with age whilst kept wrapped in the refrigerator! I AM VERY HAPPY WITH MY OVEN!!!!!
My first cake baked in my newly second hand oven was not the "Love is in the air" themed planned recipe. HOWEVER I will make it for the next guest! That'll be a laugh!!!!!!!! (in-joke!)
My first cake baked in my splendid gifted but paid for oven was a Lemon Drizzle cake without icing to share with my friend who likes low sugar products and hardly eats cakes. I wanted and needed to bake once that course of antibiotics had given me more energy by hopefully wiping out the infection. I am being monitored!
So... cake it was ... butter, sugar, 4 eggs, ground almonds and hazelnuts, maize flour, (the recipe said cornmeal and I got that wrong thankfully!!!) drenched in lemon zest and juice.. nice with freshly sliced pear...improving with age whilst kept wrapped in the refrigerator! I AM VERY HAPPY WITH MY OVEN!!!!!
Since then I have baked a baby chicken, roasted stuffed red peppers with fennel, roasted veg including a new one for me roasted broccoli and made jacket potatoes...I need English potatoes please!!!
Friday 26 February 2016
Book Review: The Promise of Happiness
by Justin Cartwright - Bloomsbury Books - 2004
Absolutely a great weaving of threads. Each family character is revealed as the story unfolds around daughter Juliet, with the sense of justice or injustice that she endured. Her passion and interest in glass bring her and members of her family to deal with, or not, the various interplay of emotions that goes on between people, to encounter and face emotional injury, present and past lovers, addiction, compassion, secrets, truths, lies about who they each are and what keeps FAMILY together. It provokes thoughts on core values - on morality. It is a story that incorporates at the very least, fear, responsibility for one's own life, betrayal, guilt, freedom, redemption, forgiveness, compromise and understanding. What is love? filial, romantic, enduring....
Out of despair brings hope seemed to be the underlying theme in the pursuit of the reality that Happiness comes and goes, and is dependent and not dependent!
Set partially in America. However, the epicentre of the story was set in a little part of Cornwall I had the good fortune to be near a few Autumns ago. I still wish to walk that coast and the coastline of England!
The story is about the quirkiness of FAMILY happiness : the woven threads of a dream if one is fortunate!!!!!!!!! Ah... promises that little babes in arms bear...
I would like to read other books by this author. This book was borrowed. I started it on December 27th 2015.It took a few reads to get into. Then, having given up on at least three occasions, I became addicted.
Absolutely a great weaving of threads. Each family character is revealed as the story unfolds around daughter Juliet, with the sense of justice or injustice that she endured. Her passion and interest in glass bring her and members of her family to deal with, or not, the various interplay of emotions that goes on between people, to encounter and face emotional injury, present and past lovers, addiction, compassion, secrets, truths, lies about who they each are and what keeps FAMILY together. It provokes thoughts on core values - on morality. It is a story that incorporates at the very least, fear, responsibility for one's own life, betrayal, guilt, freedom, redemption, forgiveness, compromise and understanding. What is love? filial, romantic, enduring....
Out of despair brings hope seemed to be the underlying theme in the pursuit of the reality that Happiness comes and goes, and is dependent and not dependent!
Set partially in America. However, the epicentre of the story was set in a little part of Cornwall I had the good fortune to be near a few Autumns ago. I still wish to walk that coast and the coastline of England!
The story is about the quirkiness of FAMILY happiness : the woven threads of a dream if one is fortunate!!!!!!!!! Ah... promises that little babes in arms bear...
Friday 12 February 2016
groanmoan
This must be the worst French "bienvenue" I have ever attended.. it WAS wine... mixed with pamplemousse or something sweet and sickly! Why can't we have a decent boxed wine!? Other people manage it and it isn't so expensive!
Yes please some apple juice as not everyone drinks orange juice. At one event there was cidre and I couldn't find the wine. So home I went!
If the village is so strapped for cash why don't they put the NEW YEAR event at a time when families with children may attend ... not just us old codgers ... and why did it appear that there were few complete "étrangers" there...apart from les Parisiens. etc. At least I learned a few things when I'd also taken my friend, a new owner of a maison secondaire!
As I pointed out at one meeting it is difficult to find out from anyone what is happening in the village.
Why don't they ask us to bring food "à partager" - then sit for an evening meal once the formalities have been endured. Why do we have to stand???
The Office du Tourisme -'la même' although at least they provided paperwork to support their performance over the year at their AGM... but likewise no decent wine and the most appalling canapés. Am I such a snob with my French roots? NO! What happened to French standards!!!!!!???? I just think we should all give and take ... not just take!
Admittedly people were friendly... more friendly at the OT event.
WE need to support our village to stop it crumbling under the weight of the financial needs of the crumbling chateau and the weight of more than 15,000 visitors in the summer which transform this village from a morgue into a place of delight... (ah the restaurants - let's not mention those!!!) and the weight of the part time residents who possibly as in Southwold UK are not paying their share of local taxes... I do not know... and draining the resources... although with Southwold it is like Little London!!!!!!and the Londoners and Northerners pile in in droves... It is a family home of mine!!!!!
Why can't we aim to be like a Little Paris... we have the roots of lingerie embroidery here!!!!!!!!!! and of course the English invaded many a year ago... it's my village as much as theirs!
I will try to mention about chateau funding in another post if I find the energy.
Yes please some apple juice as not everyone drinks orange juice. At one event there was cidre and I couldn't find the wine. So home I went!
If the village is so strapped for cash why don't they put the NEW YEAR event at a time when families with children may attend ... not just us old codgers ... and why did it appear that there were few complete "étrangers" there...apart from les Parisiens. etc. At least I learned a few things when I'd also taken my friend, a new owner of a maison secondaire!
As I pointed out at one meeting it is difficult to find out from anyone what is happening in the village.
Why don't they ask us to bring food "à partager" - then sit for an evening meal once the formalities have been endured. Why do we have to stand???
The Office du Tourisme -'la même' although at least they provided paperwork to support their performance over the year at their AGM... but likewise no decent wine and the most appalling canapés. Am I such a snob with my French roots? NO! What happened to French standards!!!!!!???? I just think we should all give and take ... not just take!
Admittedly people were friendly... more friendly at the OT event.
WE need to support our village to stop it crumbling under the weight of the financial needs of the crumbling chateau and the weight of more than 15,000 visitors in the summer which transform this village from a morgue into a place of delight... (ah the restaurants - let's not mention those!!!) and the weight of the part time residents who possibly as in Southwold UK are not paying their share of local taxes... I do not know... and draining the resources... although with Southwold it is like Little London!!!!!!and the Londoners and Northerners pile in in droves... It is a family home of mine!!!!!
Why can't we aim to be like a Little Paris... we have the roots of lingerie embroidery here!!!!!!!!!! and of course the English invaded many a year ago... it's my village as much as theirs!
Thursday 11 February 2016
a real oven
Imagine my fortune when three days ago I was offered the opportunity to
purchase a freestanding cooking oven and hob!
How more-than-lucky am I!!!!!!!!!!
It arrived yesterday... such lovely, lovely people brought it over and installed all the meticulously clean pieces and made sure it was working!
This, just in time to practice cake baking skills for the next CCC.
I have to admit I am very nervous as I have not baked a cake since August.
Well, I did try to make one in the micro-combi oven but it did was more of a pud than a cake!
Shopping list: eggs!!!!!!!
ADDED NOTE: Have not had an OVEN since August 2015! A micro-combi inherited as a gift in September, a slow cooker and a steamer have been helpful but they are not the same!
How more-than-lucky am I!!!!!!!!!!
It arrived yesterday... such lovely, lovely people brought it over and installed all the meticulously clean pieces and made sure it was working!
This, just in time to practice cake baking skills for the next CCC.
I have to admit I am very nervous as I have not baked a cake since August.
Well, I did try to make one in the micro-combi oven but it did was more of a pud than a cake!
Shopping list: eggs!!!!!!!
ADDED NOTE: Have not had an OVEN since August 2015! A micro-combi inherited as a gift in September, a slow cooker and a steamer have been helpful but they are not the same!
Wednesday 10 February 2016
Wtfiiaa?
This particular blog started as a way of recording the renovation of a property... much as many others have used a blog format as a journal.
However, it also became unintentionally, a vehicle for an emotional journey, after the break-up of what I thought was a relationship made-in-heaven. No such thing exists, I have discerned. My vulnerable dream was shattered by my own negative energies and those of another. My dream of having a relationship that incorporated all that I dreamt of in terms of 'happy family' sharing when my parents never did, came to fruition fleetingly and then was quickly dissolved by irritability. scorn, criticism and blame and maybe other stuff. Let's not go down that road for now!
This blog has seen a few up and down episodes of my personal life since 2010 or whenever I started to blog, in retrospect to that time that I bought my property. This blog has also commented on places and events. It has witnessed my observations of, and in, my village and surroundings. I try to avoid personal and family pics. I try to be cautious with global internet exposure but sometimes fail!
On occasions I tried the challenge of blogging every day of a month by writing articles ahead of time when the facility to do that became a possibility, or I discovered it! It takes time to get photos prepped and an article written. I have posted deliberately and unconsciously as a form of creativity, as well as avoidance of doing other tasks - let's call that procrastination!
Sometimes I write ahead, then edit and re-edit before publishing. Most often I write and publish. To the discerning few who bother to read this ego-centred self-published material, they may have identified that sometimes I edit after publishing. Sometimes I feel I've been too public with the emotional outpouring. Or a poem needs to be improved or altered to make it, in my mind, better! Or my form of dyslexia has come to be too garbled in its word-salad, so I have to rewrite the nonsense sentences into ones that can be understood and not misinterpreted!
Sometimes there have been major gaps between postings, where I've become silent, unmotivated, dispirited, when words or creativity are blocked. The gaps might signify I have been occupied or that I have nothing worthy of publication. The gaps may signify that I have been in a dark hole of depression or contemplation of the thought: "W--- t-- f--- i- i- a-- a----?"
This posting is in itself an admission of that. Excuse me for any sensitivities of the use of an expletive. Isn't it amazing how few letters are required for one to be able to read a sentence? My children at school loved that they could read, if I covered the ascenders or descenders of letters!
It is also an admission that I do NOT produce this for others... I produce it for me. Very ego-centred! I am aware and what is wrong with that form of artistry? I do not seek compliments but if you wish to make them then I feel honoured. If you feel you want to refute me or disagree then you can do that too! My blog is a kind of diary. I am proud of it. I am proud of the progress I have made in writing skills when at the end of my career I was writing absolute goobledy-gook for important documents: no one told me!!! - no one even understood - least of all did I realise that dyslexia manifests itself under stress. I feel it is remarkable what I have achieved given that at the age of 17 I had not much idea about literacy! From an early age I read the dictionary at bedtime to learn vocabulary and spelling because I'd read the main reading material - the family print company's selection of Charles Dickens novels.
I have made progress coping with and in the particular challenges I've experienced of living in France. All the downs and all the ups. It is called LIFE and possibly would not be any different wherever I lived. I am who I am! However, I think the very fact that one lives in a different culture where the primary language is my secondary language, does make an enormous difference to sanity, as also does the fact that the country is huge. To go to a supermarket or anywhere to experience culture is a often a long journey necessitating the ownership of a vehicle!
My former blog tried very hard to gloss over the hidden REALITY that was not exposed to others in the lifestyle that my former partner and I were living, although there were some who knew and who were helpless to help, because as for all of us, there is only one who can make a difference, and that person inside us needs a certain amount of knowledge, skills and talents that perhaps doesn't quite exist when it is required. Some friends and members of my family said they would not read either of my blogs because the first was not REAL! It was my real! It was often the better parts of life as it stood then in a chocolate box cottage surrounded by sheep and a pony where I learned to write poetry. We had some wonderful positive experiences and I really should find the time and expertise to transform these blogs into book format. For me. for my grand child. For posterity or they can burn it at a later date!
People make things. I have done so. I made music. I fed children's curiosity. I have in the past sewn, crocheted, knitted etc. I like to write. My poetry is quite substantial now and this too I would like to get published alongside my photography such as it is!
Meanwhile the spectre of a kitchen room haunts me...
It seems so obscene, the price it will cost to have the kitchen room electrics rewired for first and second fix! The flooring seems reasonable but I am undecided on wood or ceramic that looks like wood but I think real wood will win the day! Then the furniture and appliance costs seem so obscene. Yet what I love is expensive. I have expensive tastes as a pauper! My mother aged 89, said to my daughter when giving her a Christmas gift and not one for me, that I have everything I need!!!!!!! Maybe she is correct. I have relatively exceptional health for someone my age and I am stil young even if old but I hold no bars to my daughter...who gasps at some things I say... and yet it is tame, very tame, compared to some tigers! All my life my mother has always said that I have ideas above my station! And indeed I have... and wtfiiaa in this isolated west facing property on the outskirts of a beautiful ( so they say) village!!!! They don't live here! Let's not go down that road.
However, it also became unintentionally, a vehicle for an emotional journey, after the break-up of what I thought was a relationship made-in-heaven. No such thing exists, I have discerned. My vulnerable dream was shattered by my own negative energies and those of another. My dream of having a relationship that incorporated all that I dreamt of in terms of 'happy family' sharing when my parents never did, came to fruition fleetingly and then was quickly dissolved by irritability. scorn, criticism and blame and maybe other stuff. Let's not go down that road for now!
This blog has seen a few up and down episodes of my personal life since 2010 or whenever I started to blog, in retrospect to that time that I bought my property. This blog has also commented on places and events. It has witnessed my observations of, and in, my village and surroundings. I try to avoid personal and family pics. I try to be cautious with global internet exposure but sometimes fail!
On occasions I tried the challenge of blogging every day of a month by writing articles ahead of time when the facility to do that became a possibility, or I discovered it! It takes time to get photos prepped and an article written. I have posted deliberately and unconsciously as a form of creativity, as well as avoidance of doing other tasks - let's call that procrastination!
Sometimes I write ahead, then edit and re-edit before publishing. Most often I write and publish. To the discerning few who bother to read this ego-centred self-published material, they may have identified that sometimes I edit after publishing. Sometimes I feel I've been too public with the emotional outpouring. Or a poem needs to be improved or altered to make it, in my mind, better! Or my form of dyslexia has come to be too garbled in its word-salad, so I have to rewrite the nonsense sentences into ones that can be understood and not misinterpreted!
Sometimes there have been major gaps between postings, where I've become silent, unmotivated, dispirited, when words or creativity are blocked. The gaps might signify I have been occupied or that I have nothing worthy of publication. The gaps may signify that I have been in a dark hole of depression or contemplation of the thought: "W--- t-- f--- i- i- a-- a----?"
This posting is in itself an admission of that. Excuse me for any sensitivities of the use of an expletive. Isn't it amazing how few letters are required for one to be able to read a sentence? My children at school loved that they could read, if I covered the ascenders or descenders of letters!
It is also an admission that I do NOT produce this for others... I produce it for me. Very ego-centred! I am aware and what is wrong with that form of artistry? I do not seek compliments but if you wish to make them then I feel honoured. If you feel you want to refute me or disagree then you can do that too! My blog is a kind of diary. I am proud of it. I am proud of the progress I have made in writing skills when at the end of my career I was writing absolute goobledy-gook for important documents: no one told me!!! - no one even understood - least of all did I realise that dyslexia manifests itself under stress. I feel it is remarkable what I have achieved given that at the age of 17 I had not much idea about literacy! From an early age I read the dictionary at bedtime to learn vocabulary and spelling because I'd read the main reading material - the family print company's selection of Charles Dickens novels.
I have made progress coping with and in the particular challenges I've experienced of living in France. All the downs and all the ups. It is called LIFE and possibly would not be any different wherever I lived. I am who I am! However, I think the very fact that one lives in a different culture where the primary language is my secondary language, does make an enormous difference to sanity, as also does the fact that the country is huge. To go to a supermarket or anywhere to experience culture is a often a long journey necessitating the ownership of a vehicle!
My former blog tried very hard to gloss over the hidden REALITY that was not exposed to others in the lifestyle that my former partner and I were living, although there were some who knew and who were helpless to help, because as for all of us, there is only one who can make a difference, and that person inside us needs a certain amount of knowledge, skills and talents that perhaps doesn't quite exist when it is required. Some friends and members of my family said they would not read either of my blogs because the first was not REAL! It was my real! It was often the better parts of life as it stood then in a chocolate box cottage surrounded by sheep and a pony where I learned to write poetry. We had some wonderful positive experiences and I really should find the time and expertise to transform these blogs into book format. For me. for my grand child. For posterity or they can burn it at a later date!
People make things. I have done so. I made music. I fed children's curiosity. I have in the past sewn, crocheted, knitted etc. I like to write. My poetry is quite substantial now and this too I would like to get published alongside my photography such as it is!
Meanwhile the spectre of a kitchen room haunts me...
It seems so obscene, the price it will cost to have the kitchen room electrics rewired for first and second fix! The flooring seems reasonable but I am undecided on wood or ceramic that looks like wood but I think real wood will win the day! Then the furniture and appliance costs seem so obscene. Yet what I love is expensive. I have expensive tastes as a pauper! My mother aged 89, said to my daughter when giving her a Christmas gift and not one for me, that I have everything I need!!!!!!! Maybe she is correct. I have relatively exceptional health for someone my age and I am stil young even if old but I hold no bars to my daughter...who gasps at some things I say... and yet it is tame, very tame, compared to some tigers! All my life my mother has always said that I have ideas above my station! And indeed I have... and wtfiiaa in this isolated west facing property on the outskirts of a beautiful ( so they say) village!!!! They don't live here! Let's not go down that road.
Wednesday 20 January 2016
The Post
"Faites attention!" I am warned today in the village shop.
To make it easier for "les vendeurs des timbres" il y a un nouveau systeme!
BUT it is more expensive for those who are sending mail.
So I must pay attention.
Letter post from France to England or Europe:-
0 - 20g one stamp
22g - 100g two stamps
101g - 250g five stamps
251g - 500g eight stamps
501g - 3000g fourteen stamps
I think the shop owner said one stamp was 70 cts...
My letter weighed 111g for England... yet, if I had taken out some of the non urgent papers and sent them in another letter I would have saved the cost of one or two stamps!!!
I will print the chart and weigh letters at home before I venture to the post office.
A few days ago I sent a wooden times table square to my grand daughter. I hadn't seen one of these in UK and thought that playing a game with it would help her see the numerical patterns. She is quite good at Maths but as Y3 the quicker she learns them by whatever means the better!
Well, it cost me 8 stamps to post it when the item cost me about 2 euros and probably cost tuppence to make and the labourers who made it probably didn't even get a bowl of soup. (***See below) Crazy world! I wonder what the value of the first penny post would be in today's economy?
THE PAST
*** When I first started teaching in 1972 the school had few resources in the very East of England.
I spent every evening making resources with the card that they supplied and any pictures from free or bought magazines and brochures etc that I could lay my hands on. Then I had to cover them with sticky back plastic. I spent my own money on resources too! This was for a reception class where 30 kids roamed the room in an orderly fashion to and from individual or group educational tasks / games. It was a logistical wonder. The then Deputy Headteacher was my guru! No wonder my marriage failed as my poor husband could not understand my enthusiasm and obsession for making new progressive teaching resources every minute that I was at home!!!!!!!!!!
To make it easier for "les vendeurs des timbres" il y a un nouveau systeme!
BUT it is more expensive for those who are sending mail.
So I must pay attention.
Letter post from France to England or Europe:-
0 - 20g one stamp
22g - 100g two stamps
101g - 250g five stamps
251g - 500g eight stamps
501g - 3000g fourteen stamps
I think the shop owner said one stamp was 70 cts...
My letter weighed 111g for England... yet, if I had taken out some of the non urgent papers and sent them in another letter I would have saved the cost of one or two stamps!!!
I will print the chart and weigh letters at home before I venture to the post office.
A few days ago I sent a wooden times table square to my grand daughter. I hadn't seen one of these in UK and thought that playing a game with it would help her see the numerical patterns. She is quite good at Maths but as Y3 the quicker she learns them by whatever means the better!
Well, it cost me 8 stamps to post it when the item cost me about 2 euros and probably cost tuppence to make and the labourers who made it probably didn't even get a bowl of soup. (***See below) Crazy world! I wonder what the value of the first penny post would be in today's economy?
THE PAST
*** When I first started teaching in 1972 the school had few resources in the very East of England.
I spent every evening making resources with the card that they supplied and any pictures from free or bought magazines and brochures etc that I could lay my hands on. Then I had to cover them with sticky back plastic. I spent my own money on resources too! This was for a reception class where 30 kids roamed the room in an orderly fashion to and from individual or group educational tasks / games. It was a logistical wonder. The then Deputy Headteacher was my guru! No wonder my marriage failed as my poor husband could not understand my enthusiasm and obsession for making new progressive teaching resources every minute that I was at home!!!!!!!!!!
Monday 18 January 2016
Oh how he would have marvelled....
Maybe he knew ... that there is a new named constellation in the stars..... so cool an idea ... even if there is a dispute about its apparent location near Mars... or the distance between the stars...
http://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/jan/18/david-bowie-astronomers-give-the-starman-his-own-constellation
and the words of one of his songs leapt into my mind .... Oh you pretty things
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBQ-S6njQQw
Admirable musical talent and voice... of only he could witness the accolades! I'm waiting for my copy of Blackstar at number one in the British charts today. I have no system to play it! Ironic that it is his first number one after his death.
http://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/jan/18/david-bowie-astronomers-give-the-starman-his-own-constellation
and the words of one of his songs leapt into my mind .... Oh you pretty things
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBQ-S6njQQw
Sunday 17 January 2016
It's all too easy
whilst living alone, at this age, to be like Bowie, apparently obsessed with anxieties and fears of loss, mental health, death etc.... but oh, if only one had his ability to create.
The mind has a terrible habit of wandering and bringing to the fore the most weirdest of thoughts!
I blurb about my own!
I wish I'd been artistically creative.
When two GREAT ARTISTs have died within one week, including the inspirational Alan Rickman, the inevitable demise (a friend bluntly says 'it is natural wastage!') results in the inevitable analyses and re-runs of performances presented now through internet media, by those reporters who are living. Thankfully the radio and internet are enough for me without television. The resultant articles are extremely informative filling the gaps in my knowledge, but also have beckoned me and others to Look Back, be it in Joy or Anger, or any other emotion. It helps a grieving process. It also wakens one up to get a move on whilst life is present!!!!!!
...to get things in order to support my adult children when they will have their hour of need in one hopes some grief of trawling through my personal stuff!!! I must leave it tidy! I must do this and that. But the doing of it is HARD! VERY DIFFICULT!
Getting the kitchen planned has taken so many hours and days. The room stares at me, defies me, says "it should be easy" and yes, it should. I think this, then that but have to return to the first or second idea because of available space etc.
I am aware of the start of the victim mode and want to be rescued! That will not do. I have to find the adult mode and be responsible. I bought the house. I took out the kitchen with the help of another because it was very damaged and unaesthetic ... and NOW ... ho ho ho it costs an arm and leg to instal a complete kitchen ... I still have two arms and legs and so I must afford it, whatever the future scenario! The sooner, the better and then I can be more free.
It is all too easy for any one of us to judge another. All this baggage we claim! It comes around again and again until we have sorted out the emotional pain we have gained in our very lives.
It's our pain and doesn't belong to anyone else.
It comes around again and again as we come into contact with REAL PEOPLE in our lives... not just those who have through celebrity status influenced our ideas on art and music, history, literature, geography, travel, food and other culture, textiles, nature, science technology, politics, economics, psychology, etc at the heart of our belief values and boundaries, but also those whom we have met fletteingly or deeply affecting our innermost core.
Bowie did what he could to transform his oddity and VOILA at the end of his life it was ashes to ashes ... and that is probably all we are. Maybe there will be a spirit or a soul that might squeeze through the gates of heaven but in my case.. .......I'd better start working harder.
Never too late .. is it?
The mind has a terrible habit of wandering and bringing to the fore the most weirdest of thoughts!
I blurb about my own!
I wish I'd been artistically creative.
When two GREAT ARTISTs have died within one week, including the inspirational Alan Rickman, the inevitable demise (a friend bluntly says 'it is natural wastage!') results in the inevitable analyses and re-runs of performances presented now through internet media, by those reporters who are living. Thankfully the radio and internet are enough for me without television. The resultant articles are extremely informative filling the gaps in my knowledge, but also have beckoned me and others to Look Back, be it in Joy or Anger, or any other emotion. It helps a grieving process. It also wakens one up to get a move on whilst life is present!!!!!!
...to get things in order to support my adult children when they will have their hour of need in one hopes some grief of trawling through my personal stuff!!! I must leave it tidy! I must do this and that. But the doing of it is HARD! VERY DIFFICULT!
Getting the kitchen planned has taken so many hours and days. The room stares at me, defies me, says "it should be easy" and yes, it should. I think this, then that but have to return to the first or second idea because of available space etc.
I am aware of the start of the victim mode and want to be rescued! That will not do. I have to find the adult mode and be responsible. I bought the house. I took out the kitchen with the help of another because it was very damaged and unaesthetic ... and NOW ... ho ho ho it costs an arm and leg to instal a complete kitchen ... I still have two arms and legs and so I must afford it, whatever the future scenario! The sooner, the better and then I can be more free.
It is all too easy for any one of us to judge another. All this baggage we claim! It comes around again and again until we have sorted out the emotional pain we have gained in our very lives.
It's our pain and doesn't belong to anyone else.
It comes around again and again as we come into contact with REAL PEOPLE in our lives... not just those who have through celebrity status influenced our ideas on art and music, history, literature, geography, travel, food and other culture, textiles, nature, science technology, politics, economics, psychology, etc at the heart of our belief values and boundaries, but also those whom we have met fletteingly or deeply affecting our innermost core.
Bowie did what he could to transform his oddity and VOILA at the end of his life it was ashes to ashes ... and that is probably all we are. Maybe there will be a spirit or a soul that might squeeze through the gates of heaven but in my case.. .......I'd better start working harder.
Never too late .. is it?
Wednesday 13 January 2016
Thinking outside of the box
RANDOM THOUGHTS THAT POP INTO MY HEAD ... in this case, as I light the woodburner and look at the crisp clear blue sky.
I have thought this, in this link which I include here ... not so much about his music but his eloquent intellectual style:
he was the one who did open the theatrical door onto a world already heading in that direction of openness in the late 70s...
who did make it OK for people to experiment with who they are to find their true person.
This man who has just died seems to have almost a godly persona .. and I believe he really has walked into the gates of heaven! I also believe that his life, now ended, will ricochet causing new positive developments in a modern world which is already changing.
The BBC one can share the link: http://bbc.in/1n7er5h
and if that link does not work:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/articles/d5c291be-258c-4217-922e-38f9d78de878
and so I do agree ....
For some months, I've been trying to fathom out why my daughter is as she is... I have been thinking that her because it is my opinion that she has not been using her creativity, her intelligence, her happiness, her complex talents...one would perhaps think she isn't very intelligent but she has deep, deep knowledge that is blocked for some reason. She finds it difficult to be consistent - don't many of us? That in itself is a consistency in that she is inconsistent!!!!!!
Creativity is important.. people cannot live around the internet...I know this about my own behaviour. Two different peas in a pod!
As a young, naive person with television in the house, which I didn't often like to watch when family did on a boringly basis, I didn't know about the REAL world but I did tap into the aural one. We had loud, non stop rock music in our houses, once I'd left home. I also played classical stuff as a music student, until I managed to find Radio 4 and 'Woman's Hour' in my life. My husband played Indian music. One rental was a student house, the next in the middle of a field attached to a neighbour was a house sit where we were mindful of sound levels. Another was a detached house in the middle of rural England where the nearest neighbour was some distance! Great years for feeling a sense of freedom and an attempt at 'the good life'. They were the times, the early 1970s when even though one was a rebel one still did what establishment said ... for example, following what the BABY BOOKS said about babies... and I very much regret their advice to leave the screaming child who needed a hug to sob itself to sleep!!!!!!!
The internet for me is a wonderful tool for personal self learning and to learn about psychology, but as David Bowie said it comes with a WARNING LABEL: those are not his words. He warns of the creativity of the tool but also of the dangerous aspects which indeed that prophecy is indeed true.
In the last 24 hours I have discovered a very interesting man... also suffering from a common phenomena of anxiety about the world and self.
He thought outside of the box. In my younger years I too was encouraged to think sideways. However, my problem was that I was never proactive!
I have thought this, in this link which I include here ... not so much about his music but his eloquent intellectual style:
he was the one who did open the theatrical door onto a world already heading in that direction of openness in the late 70s...
who did make it OK for people to experiment with who they are to find their true person.
This man who has just died seems to have almost a godly persona .. and I believe he really has walked into the gates of heaven! I also believe that his life, now ended, will ricochet causing new positive developments in a modern world which is already changing.
The BBC one can share the link: http://bbc.in/1n7er5h
and if that link does not work:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/articles/d5c291be-258c-4217-922e-38f9d78de878
and so I do agree ....
For some months, I've been trying to fathom out why my daughter is as she is... I have been thinking that her because it is my opinion that she has not been using her creativity, her intelligence, her happiness, her complex talents...one would perhaps think she isn't very intelligent but she has deep, deep knowledge that is blocked for some reason. She finds it difficult to be consistent - don't many of us? That in itself is a consistency in that she is inconsistent!!!!!!
Creativity is important.. people cannot live around the internet...I know this about my own behaviour. Two different peas in a pod!
As a young, naive person with television in the house, which I didn't often like to watch when family did on a boringly basis, I didn't know about the REAL world but I did tap into the aural one. We had loud, non stop rock music in our houses, once I'd left home. I also played classical stuff as a music student, until I managed to find Radio 4 and 'Woman's Hour' in my life. My husband played Indian music. One rental was a student house, the next in the middle of a field attached to a neighbour was a house sit where we were mindful of sound levels. Another was a detached house in the middle of rural England where the nearest neighbour was some distance! Great years for feeling a sense of freedom and an attempt at 'the good life'. They were the times, the early 1970s when even though one was a rebel one still did what establishment said ... for example, following what the BABY BOOKS said about babies... and I very much regret their advice to leave the screaming child who needed a hug to sob itself to sleep!!!!!!!
The internet for me is a wonderful tool for personal self learning and to learn about psychology, but as David Bowie said it comes with a WARNING LABEL: those are not his words. He warns of the creativity of the tool but also of the dangerous aspects which indeed that prophecy is indeed true.
In the last 24 hours I have discovered a very interesting man... also suffering from a common phenomena of anxiety about the world and self.
He thought outside of the box. In my younger years I too was encouraged to think sideways. However, my problem was that I was never proactive!
Tuesday 12 January 2016
Change is ongoing to the very end when it changes yet again
Lifted from The Guardian:
David Bowie:
It is a kind of comfort to me to realise that even the GREATEST have troubles with isolation, abandonment, fear and anxiety,
So........ i'st not only me, then ? !!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaarrrgh!
One must remember to focus on the higher points of one's life.
Even a star turns to dust and dances high in the skies.
God bless!
David Bowie:
“My entire career, I’ve only really worked with the same subject matter. The trousers may change, but the actual words and subjects I’ve always chosen to write with are things to do with isolation, abandonment, fear and anxiety, all of the high points of one’s life.”
“I am not a natural performer,” Bowie said in a rare interview in 2002. “I don’t enjoy performing terribly much. Never have. I can do it and, if my mind’s on the situation, do it quite well. But, five or six shows in, I’m dying to get off the road and go back to the studio.”
It is a kind of comfort to me to realise that even the GREATEST have troubles with isolation, abandonment, fear and anxiety,
So........ i'st not only me, then ? !!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaarrrgh!
One must remember to focus on the higher points of one's life.
Even a star turns to dust and dances high in the skies.
God bless!
Monday 11 January 2016
Changes: Tribute to a Hero
In shock!
Have sobbed, in gutted sadness to hear of the death of David Bowie...
the end of such an era!!!!!!!
A star scattering stardust on us young things.
A performer.
A stage player pushing horizons.
An innovator.
An inventor.
A dreamer.
A reality man.
A genius.
A true true true musician.
A man so loved by many people in the world.
A respected man.
A huge influence on my thoughts of contemporary music in my formative years.. and even now.
An influence for so many musicians around the world.
A sad sad loss to the world .. when we could all be Heroes just for one day!
GOODBYE MAJOR TOM from GROUND CONTROL!
Let me play his music all day.
I am heartbroken.
RESPECT for him and his family.
Have sobbed, in gutted sadness to hear of the death of David Bowie...
the end of such an era!!!!!!!
A star scattering stardust on us young things.
A performer.
A stage player pushing horizons.
An innovator.
An inventor.
A dreamer.
A reality man.
A genius.
A true true true musician.
A man so loved by many people in the world.
A respected man.
A huge influence on my thoughts of contemporary music in my formative years.. and even now.
An influence for so many musicians around the world.
A sad sad loss to the world .. when we could all be Heroes just for one day!
GOODBYE MAJOR TOM from GROUND CONTROL!
Let me play his music all day.
I am heartbroken.
RESPECT for him and his family.
Wednesday 6 January 2016
Change: Stuff of life
Digits: 0 6 0 1 2 0 1 6 sound nice for this date of Epiphany.
I sometimes have a moment of sudden (and great) revelation or realization but never is it sufficiently great to move my life forward. I never seem to have a strong enough personal belief system.
Having got through Christmas and the change of year fairly unharmed from woes and wonders I now look for changes - doesn't everyone? I hope for better experiences. It's all a case of the mind being willing. One needs stimulus, motivation and here in France I sometimes feel 'lost', unfulfilled when there is no one to talk to. I feel I am still searching for something; meaningful people with whom I can relate, getting to grips with who I am! I suppose it is everyone's quest!!!!!
This week I've told two people in my life, two people whom I have loved very much and still do as well as have respect towards, to go and do "Whatever makes them happy". It has been hard to say leave me alone but if I don't feel respected then why should I continue the friendships?
I am wondering if it will be sustained. One has agreed (but we had that before) and one has not even referred to my suggestion. One has to stop telling me 'what I must do and by when" and to stop telling me about my own inadequacies.
It isn't a situation I have ever really found myself in. Usually I am the person to be dumped!!!!!! haha!
OK I am indecisive at times, have difficulty with making choices at times, am inconsistent at times, and contradict myself at times. YUP I am all of that... Also I have been told not to rubbish other people ... Funny that! I think most people are guilty of forming judgements or opinions about others which includes criticisms and compliments. Isn't that how we form an understanding of liking a person or not wishing to be near someone? Understanding others isn't easy and requires enormous bags of patience, tolerance and REAL not surface communication. I've had that with both friends.
I need friends with whom I can have fun, who are there for me when I need them and when I can be there if they need me!
It is true that I haven't always treated others as I would wish to be treated. My mother and father were non existent role models. My mother was an extremely rude woman! My father intelligent but unworldly. Yet mother could be extremely kind and she was the driving force in the family.
Evidently, I irritate and annoy some people! I suppose it depends on the relationship or how others deal with others. Some of my friends listen very patiently and suggest and talk about life's experiences in the wider sense of the word and when that happens it is more supportive and I learn more! To discuss is better than to be TOLD!
Getting things done - boxes to tick:
I told myself that 2014 and 2015 would be opportunities to SORT STUFF and to some extent I have done some but not enough.
I start one task and then stop / deviate as something else demands Attention. Physical health is much better but laziness is current. Maybe it is hibernation. Excuses for procrastination! Procrastination has to be ousted! Inertia borne out of laziness, insufficient stimulus or necessity needs to be banished to take ACTION.
After 36 hours of REST, in darkened room emerging for attempts at daily life, I DO have to prepare today for the visit of a friend who arrives tomorrow. I give up my room as a chambre d'hôte.
Epiphany in the Calendar means the absolute end of those twelve days of 'stuff' when I increasingly refuse to join in, take part, and so my year needs to begin TODAY! Carnaval will soon commence with the Mardi Gras!
I will pick myself up and dust myself down until the day I can't and if people don't like me as I am then YES they can go elsewhere! It's sad but necessary!
I have lists of things to do and I even tried to formulate an ACTION PLAN for everything but that was JUST too OVERWHELMING. I am doing what I can in the Health department and in the other slices of that PIE chart! GOT TO!!!!!!! MOVE or DIE!!!
I sometimes have a moment of sudden (and great) revelation or realization but never is it sufficiently great to move my life forward. I never seem to have a strong enough personal belief system.
Having got through Christmas and the change of year fairly unharmed from woes and wonders I now look for changes - doesn't everyone? I hope for better experiences. It's all a case of the mind being willing. One needs stimulus, motivation and here in France I sometimes feel 'lost', unfulfilled when there is no one to talk to. I feel I am still searching for something; meaningful people with whom I can relate, getting to grips with who I am! I suppose it is everyone's quest!!!!!
This week I've told two people in my life, two people whom I have loved very much and still do as well as have respect towards, to go and do "Whatever makes them happy". It has been hard to say leave me alone but if I don't feel respected then why should I continue the friendships?
I am wondering if it will be sustained. One has agreed (but we had that before) and one has not even referred to my suggestion. One has to stop telling me 'what I must do and by when" and to stop telling me about my own inadequacies.
It isn't a situation I have ever really found myself in. Usually I am the person to be dumped!!!!!! haha!
OK I am indecisive at times, have difficulty with making choices at times, am inconsistent at times, and contradict myself at times. YUP I am all of that... Also I have been told not to rubbish other people ... Funny that! I think most people are guilty of forming judgements or opinions about others which includes criticisms and compliments. Isn't that how we form an understanding of liking a person or not wishing to be near someone? Understanding others isn't easy and requires enormous bags of patience, tolerance and REAL not surface communication. I've had that with both friends.
I need friends with whom I can have fun, who are there for me when I need them and when I can be there if they need me!
It is true that I haven't always treated others as I would wish to be treated. My mother and father were non existent role models. My mother was an extremely rude woman! My father intelligent but unworldly. Yet mother could be extremely kind and she was the driving force in the family.
Evidently, I irritate and annoy some people! I suppose it depends on the relationship or how others deal with others. Some of my friends listen very patiently and suggest and talk about life's experiences in the wider sense of the word and when that happens it is more supportive and I learn more! To discuss is better than to be TOLD!
Getting things done - boxes to tick:
I told myself that 2014 and 2015 would be opportunities to SORT STUFF and to some extent I have done some but not enough.
I start one task and then stop / deviate as something else demands Attention. Physical health is much better but laziness is current. Maybe it is hibernation. Excuses for procrastination! Procrastination has to be ousted! Inertia borne out of laziness, insufficient stimulus or necessity needs to be banished to take ACTION.
After 36 hours of REST, in darkened room emerging for attempts at daily life, I DO have to prepare today for the visit of a friend who arrives tomorrow. I give up my room as a chambre d'hôte.
Epiphany in the Calendar means the absolute end of those twelve days of 'stuff' when I increasingly refuse to join in, take part, and so my year needs to begin TODAY! Carnaval will soon commence with the Mardi Gras!
I will pick myself up and dust myself down until the day I can't and if people don't like me as I am then YES they can go elsewhere! It's sad but necessary!
I have lists of things to do and I even tried to formulate an ACTION PLAN for everything but that was JUST too OVERWHELMING. I am doing what I can in the Health department and in the other slices of that PIE chart! GOT TO!!!!!!! MOVE or DIE!!!
Tuesday 5 January 2016
The twelfth of twelve
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sang to me:
12 drummers drumming,
11 pipers piping,
10 lords-a-leaping,
9 ladies dancing,
8 maids-a-milking,
7 swans-a-swimming,
6 geese-a-laying,
5 golden rings,
4 calling birds,
3 French hens,
2 turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree.
12 drummers drumming,
11 pipers piping,
10 lords-a-leaping,
9 ladies dancing,
8 maids-a-milking,
7 swans-a-swimming,
6 geese-a-laying,
5 golden rings,
4 calling birds,
3 French hens,
2 turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree.
Monday 4 January 2016
The eleventh of twelve
On the eleventh day of Christmas
Love came yesterday
in the form of a cheerful card from my son and his wife.
with two gifts which made me feel humble and tearful, knowing that despite all the difficulties we do love each other. There have been too many years of hurt and pain ... Life isn't easy and the mouth soon opens when it is better to keep quiet! I am hoping we can move to the future!
One gift is a jar of 100 capsules of "green lipped mussels" recommended by my son's wife for arthritis (they knew of my recent temporary lumbar paralysis).
One gift is delicious Chinese teaballs that open into a flower in the teapot ... just as in Wagamama's... mmmmm...
The best gift though was his simple touching sentence about hoping to catch up in 2016.
Ah... yes please.
However, I did phone just before New Years Eve. The post took 12 days to arrive! Still, I would like us all to meet. B has never been to France in 12 years to see where I live. S has been but on each occasion was treated inappropriately and hurt by anger, thoughts of betrayal and my inability to be a go between.
I live in HOPE that we can be Family again!!! That would be the best gift ever!
Love came yesterday
in the form of a cheerful card from my son and his wife.
One gift is a jar of 100 capsules of "green lipped mussels" recommended by my son's wife for arthritis (they knew of my recent temporary lumbar paralysis).
The best gift though was his simple touching sentence about hoping to catch up in 2016.
Ah... yes please.
However, I did phone just before New Years Eve. The post took 12 days to arrive! Still, I would like us all to meet. B has never been to France in 12 years to see where I live. S has been but on each occasion was treated inappropriately and hurt by anger, thoughts of betrayal and my inability to be a go between.
I live in HOPE that we can be Family again!!! That would be the best gift ever!
Sunday 3 January 2016
The tenth of twelve
On the tenth day of Christmas cat and chicken duties ended.
Oh...the liturgical calendar seems to have moved EPIPHANY from 6th to 3rd January...
This explains....
http://stpeterinchains.com/2015/12/epiphany/
and
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biblical_Magi
explains further...
and with thanks to this link I reproduce a delightful image. I love the colours and composition.
Oh...the liturgical calendar seems to have moved EPIPHANY from 6th to 3rd January...
This explains....
http://stpeterinchains.com/2015/12/epiphany/
and
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biblical_Magi
explains further...
and with thanks to this link I reproduce a delightful image. I love the colours and composition.
Saturday 2 January 2016
The ninth of twelve
On the ninth day of Christmas..
my inner love says to me
that I love to write, take photos, walk once I've got my coat on and gathered motivation to get out and about, cycle (when weather becomes warm) and when muscles get used to the action.
Yesterday, eventually I became inspired upon a route and headed in that direction. I marvel at the fact that the woodland above L'Anglin has remained as it is for 100 years or more, yet constantly in its state of growth and decay!
Further en route, I discovered a different siting of a Borie, in excellent condition on a small chemin that I had never walked before. I like to find a new route.
See two previous postings for regional cabanes/bories/shepherds' huts : one and two
The view looking out from the borie doorway:
Just around the corner of the lane , inaccessible to any roving wanderer, but more visible in winter, is the largest borie I know of in this region. I suppose I have identified at least 12 in this area.
I had walked much further than intended. I'd been out for almost three
hours. I still couldn't find the chemins marked on the map but have
clearly been eroded by agriculturists and the owners of woodland. On the way home in the dusk with rain falling, the former miller of the watermill offered me a lift into the village. I abandoned my 'dog defense tool', an acquired walking stick as I stepped into his new looking vehicle.
my inner love says to me
that I love to write, take photos, walk once I've got my coat on and gathered motivation to get out and about, cycle (when weather becomes warm) and when muscles get used to the action.
Yesterday, eventually I became inspired upon a route and headed in that direction. I marvel at the fact that the woodland above L'Anglin has remained as it is for 100 years or more, yet constantly in its state of growth and decay!
See two previous postings for regional cabanes/bories/shepherds' huts : one and two
Friday 1 January 2016
The eighth of twelve
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love wishes thee
"a marvellous future year with happiness, wealth and cheer, opportunity and chance to help you sing and dance." TRULY, let it bring good or better health, fortune in not only a monetary sense, happy times with family and friends, opportunities to meet new people, go new places, experience new things, broaden horizons, safety and security.
Happy New Year!
"a marvellous future year with happiness, wealth and cheer, opportunity and chance to help you sing and dance." TRULY, let it bring good or better health, fortune in not only a monetary sense, happy times with family and friends, opportunities to meet new people, go new places, experience new things, broaden horizons, safety and security.
Happy New Year!
Thursday 31 December 2015
The seventh of twelve
On the seventh day of Christmas it was a lazy day to end the year.
I look forward to having a better time in 2016.
THANK YOU to everyone who helped me in 2015...
many gave words of encouragement... it all helped!
Here are six animals who seem to enjoy my visits this last week .. ah .. food they say!
I look forward to having a better time in 2016.
THANK YOU to everyone who helped me in 2015...
many gave words of encouragement... it all helped!
Here are six animals who seem to enjoy my visits this last week .. ah .. food they say!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)