Yesterday and Today

Yesterday was full of rain and cold and drear! I lacked confidence, was full of doubt,  felt responsible for the weather, found myself apologising,  hearing myself say, 'but it's not my fault'.  I was embarrassed by the number of overwhelming tasks / jobs I need help with.  Down, down, down.
(I don't think I was nearly as mature and understanding of the elderly as they are at their age!!!!!!!!)

M. was fine as we settled to sort photos ... and negatives .. remember those? !  A jolt down memory lane to my former English home, which my last partner helped me to renovate, and..., oh my..., look at what we created, and look at what we took apart... and left... I was and am so saddened.

However, if I was still there I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have met the wonderful people I have met nor would I have had, and am having, the amazingly challenging tear-jerking or laughter-making experiences.
What has LIFE been all about when so much of MY LIFE has gone and so little is left? 
Make the most of it while I can and if I am down, down, down,  I have the choice and opportunity to change it for up, up, up.

So,  she and I sorted the photos into a set for HER and a set for HIM, because when I left HIS house, four to five years ago, to come to HER house,  I took the photos of MT house in UK, intending to divide them up!  ... and now, after ten years, I have!!!  What HE does with HIS set is not my business but he will be given them!  More importantly, quite a few of those hard-copy photos reached the rubbish bin!  My set is now in two albums. M. did an excellent job of sorting muddled photos and negatives of that 2/3rds of a Tudor former inn.

After much weeping and wailing which didn't actually last too long, she and I seemed to bond as women, and we managed to laugh through the task.  One fun thing to do was to complete an album from about 1995 (??) when my son and I went to Spain. That was after my father died!   We had backpacks but hired a car to drive from Barcelona to Orihuela and return. It was a great DRIVE... I could have gone allthe way around the edge!  Lovely again to to see my son so young in photos and to remember Elche and Rioja!

I think my down mood on such a grim wet dark day was SAVED by the greeting cards I found welcoming my daughter into the world.  Funny that her 'birth' day was the day before I re-discovered them!!!!!  Such a pleasure to see 1978 style 'BABY GIRL" cards and messages inside from some people I am not in touch with anymore!

I think F. felt frustrated by yesterday's weather, as did we all!  It was so bleak.  First of all he took my new Ikea trolley out of its box and put it together.  He called it the  'vegetable shelves'.  I liked that!   Then he was impressed by the new indoor or exterior lights I bought ages ago which needed to be connected, but I couldn't work out how to make them light up... I am impractical!  Negative destructive thoughts of  'how could I be so dumb' is what I thought!!!!  Evidently, I can buy more and make a longer string!  Ooh... I may just do that. Sod the cost!

Then he volunteered to work outdoors in the rain, to investigate what needs to be done to repair wooden gates at the barn down the lane, and to establish for himself what tools and resources I own and what are owned by my former partner.  All left in my possession.  I have full permission to use what I will!  Eventually, he repaired one screw in the main garden gate... such a little task, but it secures the keep on the latch and is extremely important.  I was so grateful.  He was so wet!!!!! Then, bless him, he wanted to de-nail the timbers in the newly re-roofed attic and was gone for a couple of hours. I must go up and see what he has done!

Throughout the day I battled with being in a gloop of depression, which was really a kind of sadness and eventually an Ibuprofen sorted it as well as some lively music.  It is lovely to have people to feed but takes my time! It is inspirational to have people stay who appreciate food.  The evening meal was delicious - two slices of lambs liver cut into small pieces in a creamy tarragon sauce with cauliflower leaves and florets, julienne carrots and Ciabbata rolls that M. made!  OK, it was a prepared flour mix but she has always let her sister do the cooking.  I made a Pear Meringue Tart and a Hazelnut Torte because egg whites needed to be used.  We were stuffed!  I am eating more than I normally would!

They wished me to play the piano so had to endure two Chopin Nocturnes plus two pieces from the film 'The Piano' composed by Michael Nyman.  The deal was that they would sing and play Friday evening but then we had a musical soirée.  She has a beautiful voice and he plays guitar well... a couple of 'The Doors' pieces. This was followed by a discussion about something I did not understand, so I showed him a video of the Stroh instruments played by a French theatrical, musical group who I know... then he showed me videos of guitar playing by Bob Brozman.

Today I got up at nine but they didn't get up until ten and started work at 10h30!!!!!! But by then the sun was shining and although they looked reluctant without adequate clothing, for the wind was keen and bitter,  they were bossed about by me.  I laughed heartily, yet severely when I told them I was bossy when necessary!!! They had to wear a hat!! "Choose one of these"... and a gilet and a coat or jacket... "Choose from these" is what I said!!!   "You can shed them as you get warmer."   They did not understand this use of the verb 'to shed'.  So they worked for an hour and I took them coffee and Epiphany cake.   Then they worked another hour and a half and I made them Red kidney bean and Red pepper soup, lemony with sage, served with ciabatta. Pear tart was to follow!

I explained to these two that in January, despite my own rules which I break,  the weather is inclement for starting much before 9 or 10 in the morning. One awaits the sun rising above the village roofs to shine on my garden!
BUT WOW... today they forked over and weeded three sections of my potager AND made the fourth quarter ...  all this in addition to work on Tuesday and Wednesday where they have finished widening the rose and lavender bed! How I love them! In addition, they moved weeds to the trailer (dechetterie trip next week) and moved logs exposed to rain when wind whipped off the bache to the space in the sheltered area where logs have disappeared since October!

POSTSCRIPT TO SUSAN's comment below:
The soil appears to be remarkably friable this year ... most of it only needed a light fork even though it was of course wet with the amount of RAIN we have endured!  Hey ho! My back has been saved and what would have taken four weeks 'potager' digging has been achieved in a few days. I did a few rows of forking over to demonstrate technique!  Last year or the year before I added a lot of 5 year old chicken manure... I also added wood ash from the woodburner, wood shavings and oak bark dust once I have sieved the oak bark.  Waste veg matter is just dug in randomly!  I don't bother to compost!

Meanwhile, whilst monitoring progress in the garden, I discovered my son's school reports plus his photographic accomplishments...so am sorting those into a chronological order and boxing up!!!!!!!!

My Italian helpers went to sleep. I took a fast walk, whereupon at apx six pm, for it is still daylight 'twixt twilight, I became aware of bird song which I have not heard for so long. Then, Blackbird trilled. When I reached ' The American Way' I returned along the road from whence I had travelled. A tawny owl hooted hhhhhhhhhooooooo.  I felt full of the joys of Spring. So happy!!!!!!

Today, the artisan came to instal a shower screen... the para-douche!  I only waited three days.   It was bought at the end of October.  Previously, I never found one that I liked. Now I've completed the action but the glass tiles I think do not have the correct grouting. Hey ho!  BUT ...How glad I am!!!!!!!!  It's another hymn I am remembering!!

Glad that I live am I;
That the sky is blue;
Glad for the country lanes,
And the fall of dew.

After the sun, the rain,
After the rain the sun;
This is the way of life,
Till the work be done.

All that we need to do,
Be we low or high,
Is to see that we grow,
Nearer to God on high.