Soul Sister, Brown Sugar

I love to be reminded of music....a friend sent me the post title, then  I found this:

The Abbey of St Savin - a Unesco heritage site

A few weeks ago my very dearest and special vicary cousin and her husband came to visit. They had never been to see where I lived in this country and time takes me back to 2005 when I arrived here with my friend who bought his house in Autumn 2003 whilst I bought mine in 2010.
It was an opportunity to show my cousin a sacred place that I have visited many times before.  The Abbey of Saint-Savin is a World Heritage Site and has been preserved for its murals and history.  I love the Noah's Ark and the painted pillars.

On the way home I was stunned by nature's colours and oh how I wish I could paint a picture to express a thousand words.

Summer Scents with Springsteen

It was 24 degrees in the twilight tonight as I danced in my kitchen and courtyard to Bruce Springsteen Born to Run and many other wonderful magic songs by he, the man who is such a delight with the E Street Band........ Go to here.
When I walked around the town earlier to descend stone steps and ascend different ones, to stand on the bridge to ponder, then walk under the bridge to be stunned by clematis and roses,  the heavy, heavenly perfume-ladened atmosphere identified near the chateau, clung to me wherever I went and still the scent haunts me but I wear no perfume......the lingering, scent that I have not experienced before in this village is creeping through my open doors.......and the smell of wisteria or jasmine or I don't know what,  pervades and is so wonderful that I do not wish to go to bed........nights like these where I can sit in my courtyard and feel WARMTH through all my skin and bones ..... oh my love......it's when I love France and love Life and Flowers.

Morris Dancers in France

I slept in The Annexe last night. It was so warm I remember wriggling out from under the duvet!!!!! I awoke at a very reasonable hour bearing in mind that shutters on the doors and windows keep the room dark, but I could feel a chink of light waking the day! After breakfast, minor tasks and lighting a fire, I sat with a hot chocolate drink and a small piece of chocolate with fleurs du sel (my favourite!) and started to record government pension net payment dates and state pension gross payment dates even though I have a list somewhere else, backdating for several years.....it's now in one book!!!! Next is to work out how much tax I have paid in UK and France over the years because UK say I owe them!!!!!  Drafting letters and checking how to get the tax forms filled is tedious.
After a small salmon and pasta lunch, I chose to drive to a local village event where there was to be Poitou-Limoges dancing.  I think it's wonderful that boys and girls are being taught confidence to publically demonstrate their regional heritage. So many establishments in England never celebrate May day or country dancing. Our school used to have country dancing at the school fete, but it was always only two of the four classes. Shame! Still all children could dance when they were in those classes.
I looked at the dam on the River Gartempe and took note that here was another place where I could come for a picnic and listen to the rush of water over the weir ... as my tidal water replacement therapy!!!!!
Now for my surprise which is why I drove half an hour from my village!!!!! Here were the Hook Eagle Morris Men Dancers... all the way from England..... Ooooh, so nice to have some British culture!  I think I am experiencing a drought in my own culture, when in the last 7 years I haven't really missed even a can of baked beans ... though proper jacket potatoes I have most definitely missed!!!! The group was amazingly fun and the very, very tall chap I spoke to afterwards was absolutely charming! I was reminded of where I used to live where one Christmas, the Molly Men,  danced in the street fair whilst we smelt the chestnuts roasting.  Yes...I am missing aspects of English heritage more and more!
BUT the French life and afternoon is and was so unpretentious...lots of elderly, older than me, sitting under the marquees having eaten a fine lunch, now to be entertained by dancing and music....no bawdiness, no drunks, very few young children, no babies, all quite calm, people speaking French and English and did I hear some Belgian or German accents?.... I like the internationalism of communities.  It is important though for cultures to celebrate themselves and not to lose their identities and heritage. How fun to share and swap cultural differences.  I love that. 
Now for some photos:

He's taking a snapshot of dancers on stage between us when I have long range discrete zoom!

The style reminds me of hedgehogs and story fantasy.

Isn't he wonderful!!!

Oh quelle bonne surprise!

Today was a day when I determined to clear the kitchen and buanderie (laundry-cum-larder room) after the long day of work and shopping on Thursday and the disarray caused with bags of shopping strewn across the kitchen plus the lunch debris etcetera!  I was too exhausted at 9pm to clear it and yesterday... well, what can I say other than what I have said..... I could not DO, I could not TAKE ACTION.  However, today it all got done... and then tired after a pasta, fish and cheese lunch,  I slept for an hour and was so cold I could hardly wake up at 2pm, but I did, lit the fire and started to look at tax forms which need to be returned this month... and always there are changes and I need to get it right to avoid the CSG.  I'm convinced that I should be exonerated from these but last year I had to pay 300 euros! (Postscript: I was re-imbursed 300 euros in June!) Evidently France does not repay for past arrears!!!! (Who said that?)  Plus, I seem to have a backlog of problems with UK and France tax departments since becoming a pensioner, however, it is partly my fault for putting it on the backburner and so now I must address the issues!!!!! More work to accomplish! However, mostly it is UK fault for not knowing that I had a State Pension!!!!! How can Big Brother not know for over 18 months!!!!!!
At a certain time in the day I promised myself a walk to the tourist office and beyond, to find out what is on tomorrow but before I reached my destination there was a marquee... oh,  the new art gallery is having an official opening.  Then I met someone who I had not seen since December so we chatted and dallied, then other acquaintances arrived and invited me to the opening!!! Almost two hours were spent looking at wonderful paintings full of light, speaking to people I knew and some that I did not know.  Although I forgot to look in the window of the Tourist office, I did go for my intended walk... down the stone paved slope towards the river and here was another welcome surprise....... the vocal call of the reinette frogs.... Summer has truly arrived.  On Thursday I heard the first grasshoppers. Lizards are abundant as well as ants!!!!! Despite the rain or because of the rain it is warmer but not so warm as to be without heat in the house! Often stone houses are cooler indoors when warmer temperatures are outside.  Nevertheless,  it was good to spend time with some discussion with people in a village that has many surprises if one's path coincides with what happens in the heart of the village.

Two hares loping

The rain is thrashing noisily down as I type....... now 21h42 and after 2 minutes it stops!!!!! (the pluviometer recorded 18mm of rain between then and the morning)

Earlier today I wrote:

I have never ever thought of using the expression “drunk with tiredness” but to day was such a day. I'd had only 33cl bottle of beer the previous evening to accompany a quarter of a salmon flan quiche and very simple salad.  So alcohol was not involved. When one lives alone one can do what one likes!!!!

Then later:

After almost 12 hours in bed I awoke at 9am and returned to bed an hour later, awoke after two hours sleep and returned to bed another 2 hours later then awoke at 5h30pm! I felt quite wobbly and drunk..... really weird ..... ashamed at the waste of a day so decided to drag the boots onto my feet, don the plastic lightweight mac and take an umbrella to walk, to split the mind of thought.  It was hard to start but I progressed along the chemins for two and a half hours (10.60km) without seeing a soul….. “just walk” was a message to myself.  I became quite hungry but told myself this was good for the stomach to yearn for food.  I planned the quickie meal I would cook.  I thought about what could happen if I were to ever just get up and walk south!  I need an ultra lightweight tent, an ultra lightweight bedroll and sleeping bag, simple clothing and boots.  Would I be brave enough to camp toute seule in wild France? Camp out means to erect the tent and sleep then to get up and walk.
Hm?
If I were to have stopped for every nightingale I'd heard I would never have got back home...

Two hares loping away before me, their false eyes on ears watch, follow I do not dare..
a broken heart for where I saw majestic deer in love last year, 
now the tiny patch of woodland coppiced almost bare.

Surrounded by fields with yellow scent of mustard oilseed flowers..
strategic passing of puddles where water flowed from low field levels
Spring is the sound of an automatic air gun popping to scare birds from crops.

Partridges and pheasants bustle busily across seemingly barren fields..
two French matted Baudet de Poitou asses exchange greetings across a fence.

Oh so good that it did not rain and cause me to become wet. 
Oh so proud that I can walk such a distance for nigh on 3 hours 
though sometimes not stay awake for such time in my own home!  

Making progress

It's almost 6pm on May 2nd.  I vacuumed various rooms, did domestic duties, provided lunch, sanded the new door, put more wood sealant on it, then undercoat.  I was not painting it quickly enough so help arrived as the door was in the sunshine and drying quickly. Then a speed walk to find a better photo of the Purple Toothwort. I climbed La Tranche Anglais and then the next set of steps to the High Town, even attempting to run up them! yyyy?  Then I realised I have more grass to mow, so off I go after a blogging interlude! Here is a sneak preview of the door lintel / step,  put in place today after more tiling was achieved.  It's a reclaimed piece of oak from the property woodpile......and yes, you can't yet see it in situ!

 

But here is a taster of the sink shelf and tap. I love it!!!!!!

Look low

The Conseil General has authorised the positioning of panels along the roadside verges and we have some outside this village.  They are to protect flora, especially orchids that are growing on the verges and roadside banks and to prevent the wrong sort of vehicles damaging the soil that provides the correct conditions for the array of flora to grow.

On my walk to the river I spotted the parasitic Purple Toothwort in fairly wet ground and was upset to find that some were being trodden on, probably inadvertently.

There were a number of other common wild flowers, including Ransomes Wild Garlic.

Wonderment was when I had to keep stopping to listen to the hundreds of nightingales singing their hearts out to the cuckoos and hoopoes.  Bliss!

Weather and Life

France meteo was incorrect. 

We had not a drop of rain yesterday so ...

one woman went to mow her meadow, 

weeded the rockery, 

primed and sealed a brand new bare wood interior door, 

cooked  'lieu noir' fish with onions, aubergines, red pepper, ginger, tarragon, nem sauce, lemon juice 

mixed with pasta papillons for lunch, 

made olive bread and ordinary bread with spelt and rye flour plus whole grain epautre (spelt) grains,

 assisted where I could with almost the final bathroom tiling, 

basked in the evening sunshine 

ate leftover lamb whilst enjoying a glass of Chardonnay with swallows chattering on the aerial above the courtyard and crashed into bed about 9pm.

Life in France eh?

May Day

Today is un jour férié.  It is a day to commemorate a civil or religious event.  Depending on the law and the agreements of companies these feast days can be paid or unpaid.  Increasingly shops in France are open on rest and relaxation days because of capitalism and people's inability to keep away from shops and shopping.  Shame!
May 1st, May Day is Labourer's Day over much of the World. Therefore it ought to be a day free from work but in reality people do work!  Indeed I am working on my house today. In France, florists sell Lily of the Valley.  It's traditional to offer people a sprig of lily of the valley, a symbol of spring and of good luck, especially if the sprig has 13 bell flowers. And on this day florists have permission to sell lily of the valley tax-free and probably at a premium price!   In France it is called Muguet.  It is a beautiful flower but beware it is poisonous. Strange gift to give to friends!

Struggling to herald May Day

Christians call it Our Lady's tears or Mary's tears. It symbolises humility in religious paintings.

To gauge the rain fall

Between the downpours of the weekend I managed some walks to re-familiarise myself with village views, as since the cold spell I have become unfit!  Today, the sun shone, but still the rain gauge collected 30mm of rain in less than 5 hours and that was after I tipped out 8mm at lunchtime. To be fair there wasn't a lot of rain at the weekend though it felt like it!  Thunderstorms too.  However,  at 7h30 with clear blue skies I heard the sound that I had heard before, thought hot air balloon, but I never see it. There this morning as I open my gates it is rising above my roof...... I rush back into the house to find the camera by which time it has travelled into the distance.

Now, for some entymology.  I have to investigate how we arrive at the spelling of gauge, because gauging does look peculiar! It is Middle English for a standard measure from the Old French gauge (noun), gauger (verb), and a variant of Old Northern French jauge (noun), jauger (verb), of unknown origin! Voila!
France meteo predicts rain every day for at least the next 10 days!!!!!!! The lawns will be sky high if the grass does not dry.

A second anniversary

From tears and demolition

From hard graft and sweat

From vinyl, glue and rubble 

From a house and garden burdened with wood, nails, metal, and other stuff

To two rooms clutter free.

To laughter, leisure, relaxation, pleasure

To furnished and finished floors

To sleep and reflection 

For work is not yet finished.

Tears continue from time to time

Without skills for the next round of home improvement

Energy levels and motivation need to be grasped

So much has been achieved but I have wasted time

and now I try and get a different grip on the future 

and not on the floor!

These photographs show how The Small Room  has developed.
Two years ago I signed the Acte De Vente and I became an owner of French property.

Recently, cousins made encouraging comments about how beautiful the finished rooms are with the observation that the property IS A LARGE PROJECT, of which I do not need a reminder.  An English couple a few weeks ago suggested that I / we had achieved a lot in two years.  It's true if I could re-run the video...but on the other hand I am capable of complete and utter laziness coupled with exhaustion and fatigue, of which I am not proud.

House ownership requires responsibility. Now I felt THAT in UK, with the three properties I had part-owned or owned entirely, but nothing prepared me for the vision, courage and responsibility required for not only this property, but also for myself.

My learning is not yet over for Life continues. I've had to grow up, stop being parented, stop being needy. These behaviour patterns developed in life but especially after M.E. and then after a total collapse just under a decade ago .......... there are no excuses. I've had to learn to make decisions and choices and budget large sums of money that scare me.  I have failed at times.  I'm scared of having savings and scared of having none.  I need to develop bravery and courage.
The trauma in the last few years has been quite damaging.  I've hurt people and been hurt myself.  I haven't always been very nice and have shamed and been ashamed. I fully understand why events turned the way they have,  and although I know why it did not need to have been like that. I am in remorse and this holds me back.

I have had to learn to live alone without the support of my adult children and without acquaintances nearby.  I am grateful that my son helped me.  I am grateful that my daughter nags me from a distance.  I am also grateful that a friend returned to help me, to give support, to give technical and practical assistance.  Despite all the waters that have flowed under the bridge and all the emotions that have accompanied the tidal waves, and despite the viewpoints of others who were hurt in the flak, the friend has been without question the only one who could have helped me in such extended support, given the circumstances that I chose and given the circumstances that I have not addressed.

I can't say that I'm happy on this second anniversary, but I am happier than in June 2010.  I can't say that I am sad.  I can say that from time to time I suffer from acute anxiety with fear that appears to paralyze my body and brain and I feel as if I have lost the plot of sanity. I think it comes of living alone.  I can say that I am beginning to look more clearly at possibilities for the future.  I can say that I try to be more positive and optimistic and go with the flow.  I try to make boundaries.

So during all this  learning of self-awareness, I want to live and not always be renovating.  There are so many other things in life.  I know that I am on avoidance of some things and have been for many years.  Time to address issues.  It will be wonderful when rooms don't look like a workshop and when I have some proper storage facilities.

And so on this day,  I celebrate survival and will try to address the goals which need to be achieved within the next year.  I will try to be a better parent and better homeowner, a better friend to everyone including my inner me.

Lovely walk

Sun shimmering on noisy waters of a rushing river,
light blitzing pupils in the eyes as sun shafts beam fragmented in the liquid,
purple toothwort, not spotted yesterday, parasitic on roots of trees,
step down steps that could easily be slipped upon,
climb up slopes of rocky terrain where rain made mud,
Limbering, liberating limbs.

Aperos

Yesterday, I invited some French friends, who I had not met for a while, for evening aperos.  I served a Baron de Pierre Bordeaux 2008 and I could tell by the way that F swirled the glass and looked at it that it was to his satisfaction.   I've become out of the habit of purchasing cheaper wine in favour of upping the expense. It seems that better wine gets savoured, not quaffed and these days my consumption of wine has reduced.  Maybe I am not drowning my sorrows??!!
I created my strangely folded pastry bites made with sun-dried tomatoes and smoked salmon, or in this case, anchovy hors d'oeuvres...with a platter of dried fruits, nuts and olives. It was a French compliment that E liked the fact that I had not kept the cheese in the refrigerator.  I rarely keep cheese in the fridge as my cold larder room is sufficiently cold to prevent real cheese from running away with itself!
When they arrived, I heard a sentence about "en beauté" ... I asked for this to be repeated. I need to slow down their rapid speech and to comprehend what on earth they were talking about.  F explained that each time they saw me, then my hair, my clothes, ..... not completely understanding 'les nuances d'expression' and being modest to begin with, eventually I had to express an "ooh la la" and laugh, when I realised that they were being charming, as only ever the French are,  courteous, kind and complimentary.   I am not a person of beauty but sometimes I believe I can exude a kind of radiance and delight to be with company.  When not alone in my head, I feel as if I am a different person. I'm writing this information to myself so that I can learn to keep my morale on the up!!!!!!!

I am with you always

I love this card by Elizabeth Wang.  I received it from my lovely daughter.  I placed a lemon in front of the postcard because it arrived on my wonky, lemony day and because the citric colour from the citrus fruits energised my own thoughts.  The religious interpretation of the card causes me to reflect upon the person who chose it for me! I wished to share it with others.

Good News

The woodburner was re-installed a few weeks ago.  Again, the room looks very beautiful. 

I had to gather courage to light it. Fortunately the days became colder. It has performed well on several lightings and doesn't roar as once it did.  I've noticed that the bottom hinge pin on the door is rusty...it's such a little thing that I don't want to be a nuisance to the company but feel I do need to tell as it grates, (excuse the pun), as I open and close the door.

I can't thank my helper enough in getting it sorted. 

I shall call those two rooms "The Annexe" as they are a haven of peace amidst chaos and dust.

When Life gives Lemons

When Life gives Lemons.........

No, I'm not going to make lemonade although several weeks ago when Spring brought promise of Summer only to jet us into Winter, I did think real lemonade would be rather nice.
Today, any lemony thought makes me suck in the cheeks to give that expression that I was often accused of when I hadn't approved of something, and which also someone else I knew demonstrated on a daily basis.
I'm sure the Lemons will turn into something sweeter as Time progresses.
I need to identify goals with zest, which are achievable but not put them all into one basket, like eggs!
Lemons and Goals in Life are sometimes overwhelmingly bitter unless taken with a drop of Gin.
Not only Lemons, but setbacks can be annoyingly, depressingly frustrating, causing a need to throw the Lemons through the air!
But I do like a slice of lemon in my Earl Grey tea, home-made Lemon Meringue Pie, Pickled lemons with Moroccan lamb, Marmalade and many other lemony-flavoured foods ... so maybe gather the lemons that arrive on my doorstep and get cracking... oh..that's eggs... and I definitely must not put them all into one basket!

The Bathroom

Q: How am I getting along with bathroom renovations? 
A:  Yes, it's two months since I blogged about a bath and having a laugh.
Yes, since then work stopped for 2 weeks whilst I went to UK.
Yes, since then, wall tiles have been grouted.
The walls have been painted but may need further coats as I did not get quite the colours I envisaged.
Plumbing of waste water is more or less done.
Other plumbing is all installed but has to be tested after the connection is made with the pipes that come from the chauffeau thermodynamique (posh water heater that absorbs heat from the room!)
The sink shelf had a set back in that my choice of sink was wrong.... although it was the correct size for the table top.  Somehow, it always did have a question mark about it and yet I didn't want to give up on it. However, the deciding factor WAS that the through route was thought to be too narrow between the corners of the sink and the bath.   A corner sink was suggested but a more dramatic look was required by me.  I have little energy but after a mad 4 hour round trip, I found a sink, not of the correct dimensions, but something I thought would work and it cost too much!  Hey ho!!!!! I'm looking forward to cleaning my teeth as I look into it and it is made of glass!!!!!
The bath is in situ, insulated with sheets of fibre-glass wadding with the bath panel being built.  Tricky to get measurements exact so that the tiling fits neatly on. But my friend is doing well despite whatever he thinks.
So far, so good.
I hope to report a more finished room ... SOON!!!!!!!
We are very tired.
Four short days is all we can do. If I ache, then so must he.
I think mine must be the fibromyalgia again!!!! 

Brocante

The rain held off, the sun shone and still we needed warm jumpers for May is not yet out.
For my twelve hour stint on site I was rewarded a reasonable sum to compensate for the waste of funds I'd made in previous times.........it was good to see my surplus to requirements items,  and my inherited waste junk, and nice things that I don't need anymore, being re-distributed around the globe with all the other plethora.

For now I am past the stage of visiting car boot sales and antique shops, although fun to look at,  I'm at the selling stage. I am not however adverse to seeing a bargain and selling it at a profit!  This unto now unknown trait must come from my parents who were not only shop keepers but also market traders, doggy breeders and trainers (my mother was a judge and has been in the doggy world for over 60 years) and a long way before that my family travelled in the Royal Scotts Family Circus.  Fascinating, that as people we develop from one generation to another.  Just because our ancestors were something should not tar us.  Many are those who fall as well as those who rise above. 

In memoriam

In memory of dearest

  Avril   

a  sincere, trustworthy friend

who took her own life.

 No one knew her disguised mental anguish.

Now she lies where she arrived

on an island 

off the coast of Germany.

Unknown to her,
her disappearance caused long lasting bereavement to those who loved her.
She is greatly missed.