Alliumflowerhead

Make way for new growth.  Some weeks or months ago, old leeks were dug into the ground as green manure because they had bolted into flower stalks.  I cut the most advanced one and put it in a small vase on the exterior window-sill in full sun because of its form and its promise of hope to flower.  This week I was blessed as it opened to reveal pretty, delicate flowers.  I set it before 'the money plant' my daughter gave me, which has flourished over ten years or so.
This last week I cleared the first early potatoes and planted new leeks topped and tailed, after digging in household vegetable matter and sprinkling compostage of ammonia plus lime on the soil before plantation! Hope they are edible in the future!
I am hoping for a quiet week that treats my body and mind as delicately as pink and white leek florets.  Being between Workawayers I need to gather in, as well as sort my admin tasks and storage of; it is the bane of my life!  The garden still calls for attention but it looks pretty until that grass grows again! 

Today I feel better.  The last 24 hours were spent drifting in and out of sleep, reading, drinking tea, keeping quiet, apart from speaking to my son.  Because we don't keep in touch and rarely communicate because of technological expense and difficulties, I feel powerless to support him from such a distance. Then latent anger or frustration gets released into tears.  I really don't want to be angry with him! He is worth all my love and care!  Yet, he has his life. I have mine. I suppose it is because it appears to me that he shows no interest and in the past I have excused him, that he is getting on with his life but it isn't only me that feels neglected, that feels we would like to share.  I know that I rather wore huge grooves in the record so that the record broke into shards! That I called Wolf too many times! Layers of guilt, resentment, fear, pride, love are on both sides!  I know he loves me! It is a conundrum of Mothers and Sons!  My daughter and I seem to be adults and friends together as we have worked through the difficult times.....of course we dont see eye to eye on everything but we do try to support each other.
I am a poor role model because factors which did not permit me to be friends with my mother and father excluded me from such a privilege of adulthood parent-child amity.